A Solitude in Hugs

19/story two/

AN: a rush!! this book is over soon. only one chapter today.
//

It's eight in the morning, but there is no sun. There is only the faint sounds of drizzling outside—every drop leaving a slight patter on the roof, and the rush of the drain spilling water into the grass.

Dan isn't sure how he got here, but as he groggily takes in the sounds he notices that there's snoring on his right and sizzling somewhere that seems far away. Some part of him that is trapped in a different form of memory thinks he's waking up at Keaton's again after yet another night he stumbled in when he was bored.

But when he finally starts to focus on things he realizes this isn't Keaton's room at all, and it comes flooding back in like someone let the rain blow through. He was in Phil's room.

Phil Lester's bedroom.
The boy who he kissed last night.
The boy who he awkwardly sort of ruined everything with.

He slowly sits up, grabbing for his phone to check the time. He did not want to be here when Phil woke up. After they kissed Phil basically freaked out a little and refused to talk about it. Not only did he completely ignore it and act like he didn't kiss back, but he continued his pretending to the point where he forced Dan to stay like it was just a normal night where he was sleeping over. And ultimately, that's the reason he ended up in his bed.

Not how Dan would've preferred they got there for sure, but who was he to disrespect Phil's subtle breakdown? It was his fault anyway, and if he just hadn't been so stupid for so long maybe Phil wouldn't still hate him now. He acts like he doesn't, but Dan knows it. If some part of him didn't feel hesitant towards him anymore, he wouldn't pretend that kiss never happened.

That kiss that felt so good, but might just be the last.

As Dan gathered his clothes, phone, and keys he gave the sleeping Phil one quick glance. He hated how cute he looked, how innocent and awkward. He remembered a simpler time where he would look at him and think these things, but be able to keep them back. Or even the time where he wouldn't spare him a glance at all (even though he didn't realize he was missing a lot of beauty). Now as he looked at him, his whole heart throbbed in the gross way it does.

He shook his head and tried to escape quickly and quietly, practically creeping down the middle of the stairs so he'd make little sound. But as he landed in front of the door the first thing he noticed was the sizzling again, this time much louder. And wow, the smell was...

Uh oh.
Someone was cooking.

"Phil? Phil, are you awake?"

Dan cursed as he turned towards the kitchen where Phil's mum poked her head out. Weirdly enough, this was the first time Dan had ever really met her. He'd seen a lot of pictures of her but she was never home when he was over. And he'd waved at her one time from the door.
Fuck.
This is awkward.

"Oh." She exclaimed, looking perplexed at what she saw. "You're Dan...right?"

Dan smiled sort of painfully, feeling like exploding. "Um, yes, hi. Hi..."

Phil's mum nodded as if putting pieces together in her head. "Wow um...Phil never told me you were staying over."

"It just sort of happened, you know. We kinda passed out after...the dance. But I'm sorry to intrude I was just heading home."

"Oh no, please stay." Phil's mum insisted, "I'm making such a big breakfast Phil and I probably can't eat on our own anyway. And Phil talks about you so much I just—we would love your company."

Dan paused. He could avoid so much overwhelming awkwardness if he left. And not only that but why would he want to meet Phil's mum knowing he messed it up with him anyway? Wouldn't it be so pointless? And he wasn't sure what all she knew about him but it couldn't all be good, right? Maybe but maybe not. But some part of him couldn't tell her no. Some part of him knew that maybe if he stayed things would feel better. Clear up.