Sunshine, Daisies...Butterfly Puppies?! (A Dramione Comedy)

11- Drunken Heroes Attempt to Save the Day

Hermione watched as Blaise got up and walked over to Pansy, who was sobbing on her knees at Draco's heels.

"Please, Drakey-poo!" She wailed. "Love me! I need you!"

"Come on, Pans," Blaise helped her up. "Let's get back to the Auror Department and solve our case before you get too deenergized."

When the two of them walked out of the Inn, Hermione took another sip of her drink and walked up to Draco. She felt a strong sense of discouragement when she realized her heart was not beating uncontrollably anymore at the sight of this man.

She took a seat next to the high chair beside Draco.

"Hey, Malfoy," she said nonchalantly.

"Hey, Granger," Draco replied in the same, bland tone. His grey-blue eyes looked exhausted, and she couldn't tell if it was because he was tired, drunk, or both.

"So our ketogenic diet save our lives at quite a cost," said Hermione. "I'm surprised you weren't terrified of Pansy's and Harry's romantic gestures."

"Oh, you have no idea Granger," he took a swig from his glass. "I thought I was going to have a heart attack when Potter touched my hand like that. Thankfully though, I had already drank five glasses of Firewhiskey before either of them showed up. Otherwise, I would have passed out from fear."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "So that's why you're here, then? To drink away your fears about Harry's romantic attempts at you while you work as Auror partners?"

Draco nodded, gazing into her eyes with a drunken smile. "This morning, the head of the Auror Department assigned us to be partners to track down Voldemort. Blaise and Pansy were assigned as partners for tracking down the thief of the Organink Wand. So the four of us will be working together quite a bit, since we're assuming that Voldemort's presence is linked to the thief's robbery of the Organink Wand." He slowly shook his head, eyebrows raised. "Damn, I never felt more repulsed in my life when Harry and Pansy showed up at the department, fawning over me."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Hey, I've been feeling the same way." She finished the last of her wine. "I pretty much ruined my night out with Ron. I was so scared and disgusted with his romantic behavior, I even made up a lie that I had to stay overnight at my lab just so I wouldn't have to sleep with him last night."

Draco laughed and placed a bottle beside her empty glass. "Firewhiskey, Granger. It may not instill any pleasurable romantic feelings in your anymore, but at least it can block the revolting feelings that you get when you're stuck in a romantic atmosphere."

Hermione eyed the bottle. Her head was already starting to feel dizzy from her one glass of wine—she had always been rather sensitive to alcohol. "Ugh, no thanks. There's no way I'm going to depend on alcohol to survive my relationship with Ron."

Draco suddenly slipped his hand under her thigh, making her squeal and nearly fall off her chair. Draco chuckled. "No worries, Granger, I felt no sense of attraction to you whatsoever when I did that. But I was able to do that without feeling the need to throw up with disgust."

Hermione stared at Draco, wide-eyed with shock. That man had just touched her. He touched her! Hermione felt ready to faint from fear and disgust. She took the bottle of Firewhiskey and drank straight from it, taking in big gulps. Soon, she was at ease, forgetting about how horrible it had felt to have Draco's hand touch her thigh like that.

She set the bottle down and gazed at Draco, her vision starting to blur. "Mm....okay, Malfoy," she spoke in a slurred voice. "Let's see how effective your friend alcohol is at keeping me from vomiting at the sight of any romantic gesture."

Draco grimaced. "Alrighty, then." He leaned forward gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Feel anything?"

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Ah. I was neither turned on nor turned off." She grabbed Draco's shoulder and pulled him closer again. She pressed her lips against his, this time forcing herself to kiss passionately for a few seconds. Then she stopped and the both of them looked into each other's eyes, both with emotionless, drunken expressions. Hermione shrugged. "No sense of disgust. You're right, Firewhiskey does help a bit. I think I should have some of this before I sleep with Ron tonight."

Draco nodded. "Yep. Better to feel nothing at all than to feel extreme revulsion whenever that Weasel tries to kiss you."

Suddenly, there was a crash, followed by screams in the Inn. Hermione and Draco turned to see that a dark-hooded figure had jumped through the windows and was standing in front of the shattered glass with a wand raised in one hand and the Organink Wand in the other. His Cobrazor was at his heels, hissing and spitting at the terrified people in the Inn, who were scattering and running toward the exit. Soon, Draco and Hermione were the only ones in the Inn.

"Huh, would ya look at that," said Hermione blandly, feeling nauseous. "It's the thief. Draco...you're an Auror. You should go catch him. And ask him to gimme my wand back."

Draco was eying the thief's Cobrazor. "Pretty snake....I have a snake like that. Where's my darling Forktongue?" He looked around and then threw his hands up. "Damn, I forgot I had to tranquilize Forktongue so that I could separate from him and leave him at the Auror Department. Screw the no-pets-allowed policy in this pub."

The thief whipped his wand in their direction, sending a blue beam their way. Hermione and Draco ducked. The beam hit the wall behind them, causing glasses and bottles on the cabinets behind them to fall and crash to the ground.

"Wahh!" Hermione screamed. "Malfoy, stop him!"

Draco brushed off a few shards of glass that had landed on his sleeves. "Hey, I told you. I'm assigned to track down and catch Voldemort. The thief with the dark hood was assigned to Blaise and Pansy."

"Ugh!" Hermione banged the counter and jumped off her high chair. "Fine, Malfoy. If you're not going to do your job here, I'll do it." She slowly and drunkenly walked up to the dark-hooded figure.

"Heyyy...." Draco got off his chair and stumbled after her. "I ain't gonna let a woman look braver than me."

The two of them stood in front of the dark-hooded figure and his snake, glaring at the figure with their drooping, drunken eyes.

Hermione pointed her index finger at the dark-robed thief. "You have something that belongs to me and my lab partner. Gimme that Org—organic—I mean, Organink Wand." She giggled. "Hah. Organink. Why did M.B. decide to give it such a weird name? Organink."

Draco snickered. He was grinning at the thief's snake. "My snake is better than yours."

The dark-hooded thief made no sound in reply. He raised his wand and whispered a curse, and Hermione felt herself quickly slip out of consciousness.