Ocean Eyes

chapter eighteen

Ethan's P.O.V

"You hurt me, Ethan. You really did." She said and my heart froze.

How could she say that to me?

After all that I have gone through in the last three week's, I come after her to hear her say that I hurt HER.

And what about the hurt she caused me? What about the fear I felt of losing her? It didn't mean anything ..?

"So this is it?" I demanded, my anger was off the scale.

I was going to burst.

She thought I was lying, I could see that in her eyes and I didn't like that one iota. She didn't trust me. After all we have shared she still thinks I would go with Melissa.

Bull.

But I could NOT imagine life without her, even though I was bursting with anger, I was in pain.

Right where it hurts the most.

My heart.

She was breaking it.

For the first time in my life I let myself love someone completely.

And she was throwing it back at my face.

"What about us?" I asked her quitely. I promised myself it would be the last time I was asking her, she looked me right in the eyes with her dizzy green ones and then stared at me intently, memeorizing my featured.

Just like me. Then she wrenched her hand away from me and took a deep breath.

"There is no us, Ethan." She said and then I saw the tear's roll down her eyes. But before I could stop her she started running.

Running away from the one person that loved her the most.

From me.

And I stood rooted at the spot. What the hell had just happened? I cannot belive Theia didn't trust me. I told her, Melissa just wanted a date and I had even refused because of my excitement to see Theia and then she was there looking at me hug Melissa and run away.

That day I followed her home but she didn't know and I also knew she was crying and that tore at my heart but there was nothing I could do right? It was over.

And now even one month later I could NOT get in terms with that fact.

I was livid, angry and miserable at the same time. I still remembered how idiotic I had been this past month. Always thinking, hoping that Theia would come back to me, just give me some inclination of the fact that she wanted me back and just that timy little hope in my heart drove me insane. I remember how I stood at my window, rooted to the spot for hours just to see her face always hoping she would come and draw the curtain back.

But she never did.

And after some time she had just packed and left.

Gone without so much as a goodbye.

And that was like a blow in the solar plexus, here I was drooling over the fact that I couldn't see her anymore and she would be somewhere else all happy.

God, love sucks.

What haunted me most was the way she had said that I hurted her, her expression at that time had frozen my heart, her quivering lips and this sentence.

God, I will never be able to forget the moment she had told me that there was no us.

It was so hard to get her out of my mind, everytime I went anywhere all I could think was how good it would be to bring Theia with me. She was constantly in my head, never leaving me, always being there and making me hurt.

Every freaking moment I would think of how things used to be, how she had danced at right round, how she had fallen on me, how she used to look in my eyes, how she used to smile, her stubborness, her ability to drive me crazy, how cute she looked on a scooty, how she would fiddle with her hair, how she chewed on her thumb, how her brow furrowed, her quick answer to everything, the way she drooled over chocolate, her unique laugh, her obsession with badminton, how she felt in my arms, our little waltz dance, how she used to whine to get her work done, her lazyness, the girly voice she used to talk in when she was awoke, the animated look on her face when she talked about her firends, her SMS language which was EXTREMELY hard to understand, her grace, her charm, the way she walked in my heart.

Everything.

And it ALWAYS ended on the note that it was over.

She was not here anymore.

I remembered the day she had gone. My standing at my window had achieved a last glimpse after all. Theia had hugged her mom and dad and then she had looked at my place even if it was a micro-second. But she had and then she was gone and I had just stood there and watched her go, willing myself not to run after her.

And that was that. Now, I was determined to get her out of my mind. Forget about her. take her word and just believe that there was no us and move on. I wouldn't behave like a love struck teenager anymore.

And no matter how hard that might be but I just had to do it.

I was sick of all the heart-break and the grey world. I wanted the colors back, I wanted the fun back.

And Chris's wedding invitation was the perfect escape.

Three weeks in London. Three weeks of absolutely no work, flowing alcohol, accent-ed girls and lots of rain would just have to do the trick.

Chris was my long time friend and he had called me a few weeks backing telling me he was getting married and he wanted me to be there.

And that was a shocker, Chris was even more care-free then I was but he had claimed he met Caramel and fell in love.

And I envied him his happy-ending but hell, at least someone was happy even if it was not me.

So without further ado I had just packed my bags and booked me plane seats.

And like I said, I had stopped caring and if there was anyone in the world who deserved some fun at this moment ..

It was me.