KNJ

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Living peacefully with a simple life. Living with an uncertainty to live. Despite the peace and simplicity, I feel empty. I feel lost. A part of me has been broken. The one that completes me was once taken away by time. I couldn't get it back. The fame, ARMYs, the members and my past self. My past self who wants to just compose songs and make calming and comforting melodies. My past self who only dreamt of performing. My past self who enjoys being with the members and enjoys to fool around. The blinding lights before wasn't blinding anymore. The limelight of the past is still shining but as a memory. The defeaning claps and fanchants was my music and was a source of energy and motivation for me. I missed the ocean we all once shared.

If I could turn back time, will I be able to work harder and better? Will I be able to keep the promise we broke? Will I be able to stay like my past self forever? No one knows.

Like the withered rose, I keep on falling. Without any clues, I fall anytime. Without you, I am nothing. You complete me but I broke your heart. Even a 'sorry' isn't enough to make you feel better. You know how much I love you guys. You know how much I love working with the members. You know how much I love BTS and ARMYs. Yes, the fame has lie down already. The seats became empty already. The light has been turned off. But the passion and love is still with me. That became my strength after those gloomy and heartbreaking years. The music and the history we made has remained. Am I too greedy if I ask for more? Am I too delusional to think that we could get back things we did and we have before? Every step I make, I can't imagine that I'm doing it alone. I am used to have them beside me, and now I am all alone.

I couldn't write anymore. I couldn't find an inspiration to write. I couldn't get the same happiness I got before. I am more than nothing. I knew it. Letting go isn't easy. You have to let go but your heart and mind doesn't want to. Up until now, I still want to hold on. I want to hold back the special things and moments I had. My rapping skills became rusty. Those rusts are slowly damaging and ruining myself. I am missing every puzzle pieces that we used to collect and assemble together.

I have never imagined my life to be this miserable. I thought I could get over and move on fully.
I'm still holding the story that we've made. I'm still holding the mic even though I don't have the strength. The pen that I used to use has lost its ink. The compositions that weren't produced became a part of my past. If I were given a chance to perform again, I'll still be in BTS. We aren't just a group. We are bestfriends and family. But we all lost it...

And I am sorry.

A Supplementary Story: "You Never Walk Alone" ▶BTS×ARMY◀Where stories live. Discover now