Looking At Us

18. erick

It was bad enough that Ben spilt hot water on me during Home Ec. But it was worse to watch Megan constantly taking pleasure in flirting with Cris Domnall. 

     ‘‘Dude! Dammit, Ben!’’ I jerked as Ben tipped the pot of boiling water and spilt it on my arm.  My skin seared. 

     ‘’Oh my God, Erick, man, I am so freaking sorry, I swear it was an accident—’’

     ‘‘Chill, dude,’’ I told him, running my arm under cold water. ‘‘It’s cool.’’ But I still whacked him with my dish towel. 

     Ben reacted, and soon we were scrambling around our kitchen with Jacob, the other guy in our group, until Mrs. Kaen stopped us. She sentenced us back to our kitchen and made us put the pasta in for our ‘Ravioli Surprise’. 

     Moments later, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned. Cris Domnall stood behind me, his hair untamed, his eyes cautious. Immediately, I went all fiery inside; I felt like he was intruding my personal space. 

     ‘‘Can I help you?’’ I said. 

     Cris shrugged. ‘‘We’re missing our 80 mL. You got an extra?’’ 

     We did. We did have an extra, and we weren’t using it, and it was totally available for Cris to use. If I was a different person, or if I didn’t have this huge crush on Megan, or if I had a non-jealous, careless mind, he could have it. 

     But I wasn’t a different person. I did have a huge crush on Megan. And I did have a jealous mind. 

     I folded my arms. ‘’No. We don’t have an extra.’’ 

     ‘‘Erick,’’ Ben said at my shoulder, ‘‘dude, there’s one right in the cupboard—’’

     ‘’We don’t have an extra,’’ I repeated. 

     Ben raised his hands in surrender. ‘‘Fine, then.’’ 

     I looked at Cris. 

     He looked back at me. His eyes were like a sepia photograph, burning my face into his memory. 

     ‘‘Thanks,’’ Cris Domnall said, and he left, back to Megan, back to the paradise that had been stolen from me. I wished I hadn’t let him go; I wanted instead to quiz him on why he thought he was good enough for Megan. 

     I mean, sure, it was Cris Domnall, the amazing redhead of eleventh grade. But he wasn’t all that special, in my opinion. Sure, he was handsome, and he was tall and strong, and he could drive, and all girls loved him . . . but he wasn’t perfect, was he? He couldn’t balance a soccer ball on his head for three minutes, could he? (My record was actually two minutes and forty-seven seconds, but I just rounded it up.) He couldn’t get a perfect score on Call of Duty, could he? He wasn’t faultless with a free opportunity to love whoever he wanted to, right?

     He wasn’t faultless, maybe, but he was definitely loving whoever he wanted to right now, and some (like me) did not think highly of it. 

     As I mixed the sauce for the ravioli, I watched Megan, Cris, and Shain working on their pasta. Shain was working on the sauce like I was, adding lots of spices. Cris was stirring the ravioli distractedly, watching as Megan sliced up the beef. I was seriously concerned that she was going to chop off a finger or something while she talked to him. I wanted to push him away and yell, You’re freaking disturbing her!

     In the far corner of the classroom, Sasha Hawk swore loudly, and Mrs. Kaen gave her the evil look, but Sasha had jostled the whole class. I looked over; she was frowning at Darrin Domnall, her flawless visage obviously set for criticism or dislike. Darrin was frowning back, more concerned than disgusted, though. 

     Then, to my utter surprise, Sasha turned and looked straight at me. 

     It wasn’t a coincidental turn of her head, like, I’m going to look away from you and—oh, there’s Erick kind of look. It was more like they were talking about me and she was checking that I hadn’t bolted. I was being watched. 

     Our eyes locked for a second, and I pulled away first. She had beautiful eyes, big and blue, blue like steel. 

     I finished making the sauce, and Ben finished the ravioli, and Jacob finished the beef. Next to us, Shain was adding the sauce to the pasta that Cris had finished cooking, and Megan was testing the beef. As the meat pressed against her lips, I found myself wishing that I was the beef, because it was in heaven right now. 

     Sasha tapped on my shoulder. ‘‘Hey.’’

     I flinched, because she had just jolted me from my daydreaming, and because, well, it was Sasha Hawk. Beautiful. Drop-dead gorgeous. Shorter than me, skinner than me, blonder than me, desired more than me. More intimidating than me. 

     Sasha Hawk raised a sleek eyebrow. ‘‘Erick Lockhart, right?’’

     All I could do was nod. It hadn’t even occurred to me to wonder how she knew my name. There was something rather distracting about the way her shirt hung over her body and how close she was standing to me. 

     I thought: I am acting like a pervert.

     I thought: This really does not happen to men every day. 

     ‘‘Why are you . . .’’ My words cracked. Over the holidays, I had gotten my growth spurt, but not my voice change. Damn puberty. 

     Sasha grinned mysteriously. ‘‘Why am I at your kitchen? Because I want to talk to you, Erick. Got a moment?’’

     ‘’Do you want the 80 mL? ‘Cause you can have it.’’ Better her than Cris. 

     Sasha laughed, softly, like she didn’t want to embarrass me. ‘‘You’re cute. But no, that’s not what I need. Can we step outside?’’

     I wanted ask, What about Darrin? But she steered me into the hallway and titled her head as though examining me before she performed lethal surgery. She really was attractive. 

     Sasha said, ‘‘Erick, do you have a crush on Megan Trawley?’’

     I blinked. ‘’Um.’’

     Sasha took a step closer. ‘’I think you do. I saw you staring at her. I saw you get all mad at Cris. Am I right?’’

     Somewhere in the back of my brain that wasn’t distracted by Sasha beauty, a word rang out: manipulation. That tiny rebel in my head screamed to snap out of it, because nobody knew that I had a crush on Megan, and I shouldn’t be spilling it to some girl like Sasha. Especially some girl like Sasha. 

     I nodded. ‘‘Yeah. Um. A bit.’’ 

     ‘’A bit?’’

     ‘‘Kind of. Yeah.’’

     She smiled. I thought, God, she’s pretty. 

     Sasha said, ‘’I know a way to get her to dump Cris. And then you can start hanging out with her. You guys will be the cutest. Couple. In. The. School.’’ 

     My brain screamed: MANIPULATION! 

     All I had to do was trust her.