Looking At Us

29. erick

I was alone with Sasha Hawk, looking at the stars, and I was high on life. 

     It wasn’t everyday that the hottest girl in ninth grade invited you out to her front yard to watch the stars while she was wearing a thin crop-top and tiny jeans shorts, her chest inches from yours, her breath mingling with yours. I was seriously in heaven, but it was like Eden with Satan—you never knew when he was going to strike. 

     ‘‘Do you think this is beautiful?’’ Sasha asked me. 

     I looked at her, at her blue eyes that appeared purple in the light. ‘‘The stars? Kind of.’’ You? Definitely. 

     Sasha frowned. ‘‘It’s not. All this damn pollution . . . it’s blocked out maybe three quarters of the stars. Gone. Freaking gone.’’

     It was nice to see a gorgeous girl getting so upset about pollution, but she said it like she was blaming an old friend of hers, which could be the truth. 

     I wanted to ask why I was here, but she would probably kick me out, so I kept my mouth shut. 

     A cherry-red Mazda pulled up in the driveway next to Cris’s truck and a tall girl with long locks of orange hair stepped out, carrying a McDonald’s bag and a to-go cup, which she handed to Sasha. 

     ‘‘Why do you like McDick’s?’’ she asked. 

     Sasha replied, ‘‘Because I’m too skinny so I want to get fat.’’ 

     The girl said, ‘‘Dear Lord, Sasha, shut up.’’

     After the girl had left, Sasha took out a package of miniature cinnamon buns caked with sugar, and she took a sip of the to-go cup. ‘‘That was Darrin’s sister, Emily. Have some coffee, Erick.’’

     ‘‘I’m okay.’’ 

     Sasha frowned. ‘‘It’s good for you.’’

     I took a sip of the coffee. 

     Sasha put the cup and the cinnamons on the grass and then she pushed me down and laid her head on my chest. Her fingers drew unknown shapes on my stomach, and I had a hard time keeping my breath sucked in and my abdomen tight so that she could feel my abs that were really non-abs. 

     Without letting all my breath go, I mumbled, ‘‘Why are you doing this?’’

     ‘‘Doing what?’’ she asked, her lips rubbing against my shirt. 

     I paused. Then I said, ‘’Me.’’

     Sasha laughed softly. ‘‘Why am I doing you, Erick? Because I want to help you. I want Megan to see how awesome and cute you are. You obviously have great abs,’’ she said with evident irony. 

     ‘‘What about Darrin?’’ I asked. 

     ‘’What about him? He’s allowed to have his moments, and so am I. And plus—’’ she leaned closer so that he lips were right at my ear ‘’—don’t tell him this, but you’re a lot more fun to hang out with.’’

     ‘‘Are you serious?’’ I said. 

     Sasha smiled, and her smile looked truthful. ‘‘I’m very serious, Erick Lockhart.’’ 

     So we lay there, staring at the stars, connecting our heartbeats to one solid beat that thundered over and over again: thump thump thump thump. I was seriously wondering if we would end up falling asleep together in a blanket of stars, her hands on my stomach; and then Darrin would find us and he would freak out and I would never be allowed to see Sasha again . . . 

     But I let the thought escape my mind. I didn’t want Sasha. I wanted Megan. 

     Some time later—possibly a few minutes, possibly an hour—the front door opened and two shadowy figures emerged. There was no street light close enough to illuminate them, but that meant that they couldn’t see me and Sasha, either. Sasha sat up beside me without a sound, her eyes bright and watchful. 

     ‘‘The stars are the wings of the world,’’ said a gravelly voice. ‘‘But none of us have the courage to fly.’’

     A new voice, light and soft, replied, ‘‘Where did you come up with that?’’ 

     ‘‘Just now,’’ the first voice replied. ‘‘They’re beautiful, aren’t they?’’

     ‘‘Mmm-hmm.’’

     ‘‘Not as beautiful as you, though.’’

     The second voice sighed. ‘‘Shut up, Cris.’’ 

     Sasha pursed her lips. In the dim lighting, she looked like the ghost of an attractive angel. I felt her fingers sneak into the bottom of my shirt, and shivers danced down my spine. 

     The figures got into Cris’s truck. The headlights turned on, illuminating two silhouettes facing each other. Sasha and I watched as the one on the driver’s side—the taller one with wild hair and a long nose—leaned in and kissed the other shadow. 

     After they drove away, Sasha said, ‘‘That was Cris and Megan.’’

     ‘‘How do you know it was Megan?’’ I asked. 

     ‘‘Because I do,’’ she replied. ‘‘I’ll bet that Cori and Hadley are going to be extremely pissed if they find out she’s been kissing Cris Domnall. Might even be enough to get them to break up.’’

     ‘‘Okay,’’ I said. I didn’t know what to do. 

     Megan was happy.  I wanted her to be happy. 

     But she’s not with me. 

     Sasha leaned closer, so intensely close that I thought I was going to wet myself, and placed a hand on my chest. Oh, God. ‘‘Erick, can you do me a favor?’’

     ‘‘Maybe.’’

     Sasha said, ‘’I want you to tell Cori that Megan’s been kissing Cris. I want you to ruin their relationship by telling Cori and Hadley, and then Megan can be all yours.’’

     ‘‘But if she finds out that I ratted on her, she’ll never look at me again.’’

     This didn’t seem to bother Sasha. ‘‘Erick, have you ever kissed anyone?’’

     My heart started racing. 

     ‘’Um, like a girl?’’ I said. 

     ‘’Or a boy,’’ she replied. ‘‘Are you gay?’’

     ‘’No. I’ve never kissed anyone.’’

     ‘‘Well, let’s get you practiced up. Practice makes perfect, right?’’

     And she kissed me. 

     It was immensely hard to explain, because it was like two clashes of the opposites: she was sexy, seductive, and totally experienced at this. I was non-muscular, awkward, and totally new at this. Sasha’s lips wrapped around mine, and it was almost like she was trying to eat my mouth, but there was something really nice about the way her teeth grazed my bottom lip and how her tongue encouraged mine to dance with hers. I could feel her hands on my body but I wasn’t sure where on my body they were, and I didn’t care, because I was smelling her sweet lavender scent and a piece of her hair was in the neck of my shirt, tickling my chest, and her lips were grinding on mine, and I was thinking holy shit holy shit holy shit. 

     Finally she pulled away. I realized now that both of her hands were inside my shirt, exploring my non-abs, and the button on my jeans was unbuttoned. I tried for a calmer face, like, Oh yeah, I know how to roll with this, but there was blush in my cheeks and a crazy grin on my face, and Sasha, sitting on my lap, looked absolutely beautiful. 

     She pushed herself off me and stood, grinning innocently. 

     ‘‘And now you know how to kiss, Erick,’’ she said.