Star Gazers [BXB] [COMPLETED]

Outcast

Curled up in my window seat with a soft blanket wrapped around my shoulder, I rested my forehead against the cool glass of the window pane and looked up at the night sky. Though I had hoped to get a good night's sleep before my first day back, another nightmare stole that from me. Now, as I sat awake in the wee hours of the morning, I couldn't resist the clear, breathtaking, star filled sky.

The most noticable constellation visible from my window was Orion's Belt. He sat low on the horizon, and in a month or two, he would dip beneath it again. If I strained my neck against the glass, I could just make out the edge of Ursa Major, otherwise known as the Big Dipper because of her uncanny resemblance to a soup ladle.

My limited view of the night sky saddened me, but it was still a bit too chilly to go outside. Winter was drawing to a close, and with it, my suspension.

To say I was dreading the return was an understatement.

I had done a bad thing, and I knew it. I intentionally bullied Elliot Goldman solely for the sake that I would not be bullied myself. I had been through it before, and I never wanted to go through it again.

That still didn't make my actions acceptable, and I felt angry. I was angry at the world for making me feel like bullying was the only way to protect myself, but most of all, I was angry at myself.

In the end, I turned out to be no better than Ben, and that thought broke me.

Just like he broke me.

×××

"Cole," I was woken up by a soft shake on my shoulder. "Cole. Wake up. It's time to get ready."

I groaned at the stiffness in my neck and back. Peeling my eyes open, I realized that I must've fallen asleep in the window seat.

Bad move.

I looked up at my aunt as I rubbed my sore neck. She smiled softly down at me before saying, "I made pancakes."

"I'll be down in a little bit," I said tiredly as I switched to rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

With a small nod, she turned and left the room, heading back downstairs to give me some privacy.

Groaning as I stood, I walked to my dresser and pulled out some clothes for the day. Then I exited my room and stepped into the bathroom across the hall.

I took my time in the shower, wishing I could just stay in the hot water forever and not face the world. However, the hot water heater decided that wasn't an option.

Once the water turned cold, I finished up and hopped out, throwing on my clothes and running my fingers through my damp hair.

As I styled the wet strands with the help of some nice smelling styling wax, I stared at my own eyes in the mirror.

They were a bit bloodshot from my lack of sleep over the past few weeks, and the dark circles beneath them made me resemble a zombie. My irises, however, were still the same dull greyish blue.

I had never liked the color, but Jason had always likened them to a raging storm. He said they reflected the torrent within me, whatever that meant.

If I tried to understand every underlying meaning of everything that boy ever told me, I'd go insane.

Thinking of him hurt. I had let him down and that felt awful. Worse, I didn't know when I'd see him again.

He was probably back home by now, and I still didn't have a clue as to how he actually made the two hour trip in the first place. He didn't have a car. He didn't have much, actually.

Shaking the thoughts of him out of my head as best as I could, I hung up my towel to dry and made my way downstairs. Aunt Liza was in the kitchen, flipping the last few pancakes before sliding them on top of the stack.

She was my mother's little sister, and I was grateful to her for taking me in after everything that happened two years ago. I think the only reason she hadn't severely punished me for what happened a couple months ago was because she felt pity for me.

"Eat up, buttercup," she grinned as I grabbed a plate and filled it with pancakes. After drenching them in syrup, I sat at the breakfast table and dug in.

"Cole?" She asked as she sat beside me, her own plate of pancakes resting before her. I looked up in acknowledgement, waiting for her to continue. "You know you can talk to me right? I know it's not easy, but I'm doing my best to understand."

She always said that. That she was trying to understand. She never would though. There weren't a whole lot of people in the world who could.

"I know," I sighed lightly as I finished up my breakfast. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I said, "I'm heading out."

"Don't forget your lunch," she reminded me, pointing to the lunch bag on the kitchen island.

"Thanks," I muttered as I grabbed it. After stuffing it in my backpack, I headed out the door and began my long, lonely walk to the school.

I was an outcast now.

There was no hiding who I was anymore, and today, I would find out exactly what my peers thought about me being gay.

×××
A/N

Who's ready for the story of Cole and Jason? I know I am!

Here's my Valentine's Day gift to you my lovely readers! Stay tuned!

-Anon