Castle Bleck Craziness

Bleck the Halls

One Void Day, Count Bleck was busily wrapping a strand of Christmas lights around his top hat.

"Well, that looks festive, Count," Nastasia said.

"Thank you, Nastasia. Count Bleck is trying to look cheerful, and hopeful and all that other happy junk," Count Bleck replied, his mouth glowing a devilish red as he spoke.

"Sounds nice," commented Mimi, throwing sparkly tinsel everywhere. Dimentio came behind her vacuuming it all up, and Mr. L was hanging on the vacuum with an extendable hose catching the loose bits.

"Well, ya two are lookin' like clean freaks!!" O'Chunks said, wearing a Santa hat.

"Well, we're not ordinarily!!" Mr. L replied.

"What?? I can't hear ya!!" O'Chunks yelled over the vacuum.

"What?? I can't hear you!!" Mr. L yelled back, cupping his ear.

"What?? I can't hear ya!!" answered O'Chunks.

Count Bleck ripped the vacuum in half.

"Ah, now I can hear ya," O'Chunks said, a little frightened by Count Bleck's display of buff wrath.

"Well now, why don't we start making hot chocolate and gingerbread cookies and singing carols all day until Christmas comes??!!" Dimentio suggested jovially.

"Yes!! A grand idea!" squealed Mimi.

Dimentio bonked her with a bottle of Demented, which was surprisingly tough. "I was being sarcastic!! A Christmas is only good...with magic!!"

"Magic isn't real," Mr. L said. "Even if you're in a video game."

"What in the Void are you implying?" O'Chunks asked, without any bit of stupid accent, surprisingly.

"That Santa isn't real??" Mimi asked, fakely real tears in her eyes.

"A little bit. Santa is actually St. Nicholas, who is in heaven, but he does not come to the world or the Void every year, because that's too unrealistic. He gave people presents back when he was ALIVE, but not anymore. He doesn't have a body, only a soul," Mr. L said blandly.

Count Bleck was staring at him weirdly. Everyone else was too.

"What?" asked Mr. L.

"Nothing, replied Count Bleck," replied Count Bleck. He reached under his hat and pulled out a glass ornament.

"For a special minion tradition, you each must write your name on this, and it will hang on our tree," Count Bleck said, handing it to Dimentio.

Dimentio conjured up a pen and wrote his name in sweeping calligraphy. Then he gave it to Mimi, who wrote her name in cursive. Then Mr. L, who wrote his name quickly in his own handwriting-y print. Then O'Chunks, who slathered his bad handwriting all over it. Then Nastasia, who used a sort of fake calligraphy, or just nice-looking print. Then Count Bleck, who just stared at his pen.

"Something the matter, Count?" Nastasia asked.

"Count Bleck hasn't written in forever." Count Bleck stated sharply.

"Really? No stories, or diaries?" Mimi asked.

"No death threats?" asked Dimentio.

"No penpals?" Mr. L asked. He was whacked by Dimentio.

"Nope," answered Count Bleck.

For the next half-hour, Nastasia helped Count Bleck write his name. It was hard, with a name that long. The minions sat on the couch drinking hot chocolate that Dimentio had conjured up, but they were afraid to in case it was poisoned.