Connections (CLEAN, mostly)

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Draco sat in the common room that night; his lips tingling from where she had last touched him. His eyes were unfocussed and he couldn’t think of anything but her. They had stayed in the room for hours, Hermione managed to fix the ceiling of course. He had felt a stab of anger at the fact that she had shown him up, but the way she had leant over and kissed his cheek halfway through her spell had dispersed his anger and filled him with something else. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was, or even how to describe it, he just knew that he didn’t want to lose it.

The common room was quiet, so quiet in fact that he could hear the flickering fire ahead of him and the ticking of the wall clock behind him. It was a week until the first train pulls back into the station, three weeks until the last. His stomach started churning with the idea that Pansy could be back in seven days. His face twitched as the anger stirred inside him. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He saw Pansy’s sneering face and he bit down on his lip as he thought of something else.

The first thing he saw was Hermione’s eyes staring back at him, so happy and full of life and… love? Why would he even think of that word? It was something he had put behind him a long time ago. So what was it that he was feeling? She made him feel, light, calm, she gave him excitement and he had never cared about someone as much as he felt he cared for her. It was a scary thought for him, for the first time in his life that he can remember, he had something worth having, and more importantly, something to lose.

He opened his eyes and sighed. How was this ever going to work? He thought back to earlier, as they were heading back to their common rooms…

“When am I seeing you again?” He asked, holding her hand tightly.

“Tomorrow, should we say noon again?”

“I thought you were too impatient to wait until noon today?” He smirked.

She nudged him with her shoulder and put her arms around him. In that moment he had wanted to lift her off her feet and spin her around. Of course he hadn’t, it would have been stupid and it was an irrational desire. His other desires on the other hand… No! It was true that he wanted her in that way, of course it was, how could he not? But the thing that made him hold himself back was that he had no idea how to show her that she was more to him than just something physical.

She probably knew it already but the only… encounters that he had were fuelled by anger and the yearning to forget everything else in his life. Not that she would like to think about the other girls that he had been with. Truthfully he had only ever completely been with Pansy, he shuddered at the thought. He had fooled around with a few others, mainly before the whole business with… him. He shuddered again.

He honestly thought that he might actually do it first with someone who meant something to him, but it didn’t turn out that way. It was the night after he had found out about what you-know-who wanted him to do in sixth year, he had been wandering around the castle and Pansy had found him. He had fooled around with her once before, she had coaxed him into a broom closet at the beginning of fifth year and knelt down to unzip his pants, why would he argue? She was never really a nice person but she didn’t have to be nice to do that. She was always vicious and maleficent, but she only really brought it out when she knew that she could take advantage of him. He was weak, mentally and after a while he would do anything to keep her off his back. He won’t pretend that there was nothing in it for him because obviously there was. It doesn’t really matter how you feel about the person it feels the same right?

They saw each other every day that week; Draco was obviously tense on the day of the first train. After the howler had arrived he began to dread the day that Pansy got off that train. On that day Hermione had asked him to meet her out by the lake. He thought that it was strange because it was so cold, but she took his hand and it just warmed up his whole body. Pansy didn’t return that day.

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