can we start all over again. #demily #criminalminds

phonecall.

It's been ten months since Savannah passed away. I had to go back to DC for work short after her funeral. Derek and Hank moved in with me. I'm back at work and Derek is a fulltime dad.

The team and i are in Minnesota right now because of a serial killer who abducted, tortured and killed 10 girls in the ages between 16 and 20 in the past three weeks. We almost got him last night, but he somehow managed to vanish.

After the killer vanished last night, i texted Derek, he's always been the one who gave me the confidence that we'll find the killer back.

E: 'the killer vanished. we can't find him. alvez and i were so close to get to him, one second we saw him, the other he was gone. we were able to free three of the girls tho.'

D: 'wanna talk?'

E: 'please!'

I'm already back at the hotel and just got out of the shower when my phone rings. It's Derek, we talk for like an hour, about the case and how the killer managed to get away. He makes sure, like he always did, that i don't tell myself that it's my fault.
After a while, Derek says, kinda out of the blue "i miss you Emily, we miss you!" i look down at my feet, trying to figure out what i wanna tell him, there are so many things i wanna tell him, on top of it all i want to tell him that i am in love with him, he knows it since i told him in one of our talks after Savannah passed away, but i never said ‚i love you' to him because i always felt that it's too soon, because of Savannah. I don't want him to feel pushed into something or that i don't respect Savannah. "I miss you too, both of you." I simply say. There's a moment of silence "Honestly, Derek, i love you. I really do. I love you." There's another moment of silence. "Derek.. I'm sorry i know it is too soon, i'm sorry i shouldn't have told you. I-" but then he suddenly interrupts me. "I love you too. I do Emily, i love you!" His voice sounds so sincere and truthfully. "Derek i don't know what to say, i love you so much." "Hey Em, listen, we're gonna talk about all of this after you guys got that son of a bitch but for now just know that i'm truly in love with you. You've been there for me in ways no one else was or could've. I loved you so much already but i began to love you even more after all that you helped me through and it warms my heart to see how much Hank loves you and how much you love him. I love you so incredibly much Emily Prentiss and i can't wait for you to come home to us!" "I miss you guys too. Tell Hank i said Hi and that i'll be back soon."
In that moment there's a knock at my hotelroom door. I open it to see Alvez and JJ there "Em, we got a new lead on the killer. We'll leave in five." I nodd, close the door and tell Derek "They got a new lead, i have to go, i'm sorry." "No problem, call me when you have news, i'll be waiting for you." He tells me. "Thank you Derek!" Then i hang up, get dressed take my badge and gun and go down to the hotellobby.

We leave in three different cars. While we drive to where he was seen abducting two young girls JJ and Alvez ask me out about Derek. "So tell us, why were you still awake?" JJ begins. "I just couldn't sleep, nothing special." I try to stop her questions. "But i heard you talk the whole time." Alvez then says, his room is right next to mine. "Ehm well, i was on the phone with Derek and" then JJ interrupts me "and did you finally tell him?" She asks, JJ is the only one who knew my feelings for Derek all along, even when he and Savannah were happily married, she once couldn't keep her mouth shut and told Alvez, that's why he knows as well. To be honest, i think the whole team realized it one way or another. "Yes i told him tonight. First we talked about the case and stuff and then he told me that he and Hank miss me and then i told him that i love him and.." in that moment we arrived and had to storm out of the car because the others were already there including a S.W.A.T. team.

We got into the empty storageunit, when we heard one of the girls scream. We moved forward to where he was as quick but silent as possible. One of the girls saw us already, but we signaled her to stay silent so that he won't kill her immediately. I walked up to him with some of the swat team just a few meters behind me in case i needed their help. When i got the perfect place i screamed "FBI PUT THE KNIFE DOWN AND LET THE GIRL GO!" He flinched a bit and turned around the knife now facing at me, he let the girl go tho, that was good. The second girl was saved by Reid. She was held captive in a seperate room. The killer was still standing right infront of me, holding the knife to my face when i screamed again "PUT THE KNIFE DOWN!" He didn't move the knife, David came from behind and pushed it out of his hand, he then pushed him to the ground and handcuffed him. The sherriff and a second policeofficer took him into their car and drove off to the policestation. I went over to the girls who were treated by the paramedics. The girl that was with him when we got there jumped up and run into my arms. She hugged me and said:"Thank you so much, all of you, you saved Carrie's and my life! I can't thank you enough!" I talked with her for a bit and then went to the other girl as well.

We're back in the car right now, driving to our hotel. I'm with JJ and Alvez again. "So where did we end our last conversation?" Alvez asks. He and JJ look at eachother and smile. "Well like i said before, he told me that he and Hank miss me and then i told him that i love him. After that there was silence, after a while i was just about to tell him that i'm sorry for what i said and that i knew it was too soon but then he began to talk, he said that i don't have to be sorry and that he is in love with me too." JJ squeeles like a little schoolgirl and sais:"OMG! I knew it, i knew it i knew it! And what happend then?" "Well he told me how much he loves me and how thankful he is for all that i did for him since he called me because of what was happening to Savannah and then he told me how thankful he is for my realationship with Hank." I finish, when Alvez digs deeper. "And what happend then?" "You two showed up at my door and told me that we need to go, so Derek told me to get that son of a bitch and that we talk about it all when i get home." The grins on their faces are crazy, like it was their lovelife but i'm so thankful for them, they are like my brother and sister and i can't tell them enough how much it means to me that they're always listening when i need someone to talk to about how much i love Derek but that i'm not sure if i should tell him.

                            the fourth letter:

my dear emily,
it's been a month. emily how do i keep going withouth you? i can't keep going, i can't handle you being gone, i can't, i just can't. please give me some kind of sign, you know i don't believe in those things, but right now i need one. i need a sign that you're alright up there, i need a sign that you can one day forgive me for not being able to save you. emily, i am so sorry. i just can't handle it. i can't. hotch told me today that i have to pull myself together or to quit until i can contain myself again. i don't know what to do. without the job, i feel like i lose everything that we had but i can't keep going like this. today i almost killed a guy that we thought was the killer, but later we realized that he is inocennt. imagine if i killed him.
i miss you baby.