Testing My Feelings

Chapter 9

What was Joshua doing here? Why was he sitting in my booth with me? I couldn't figure it out. I just sat there looking at him, not knowing what to say. After what seemed like an eternity to me, Joshua began to speak.

"You know...You're not as sly as you think you are," Joshua said to me as if I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Um...Wha...What do you mean?" I asked him nervously.

"Oh don't play dumb with me Andrew," he snapped.

"Uh......" I let out as I sat there trying to figure out what he was talking about.

"You know damn well that you didn't just come to see me yesterday because you were checking on a classmate. There was a lot more to it and you know it," he snapped at me again, this time seemingly more annoyed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied, denying his accusation.

The fact was, I knew exactly what he was talking about. I did go there to check on a classmate, but he was right. There was more to it than just that.

"You clearly have some kind of feelings for me," he finally admitted, ceasing to beat around the bush anymore.

"Um...well...I can...uh..." I just muttered having no idea how to respond to his accusation.

I couldn't deny it. It was true. He was right. I had started developing these strange feelings for Josh that I didn't understand. I couldn't figure out what it meant. Was I questioning my sexuality or was it just some kind of emotional bond? I wasn't sure. I had decided that I'd try and get closer to him and get to know him better in order to try and explorer my feelings in an effort to try and understand them. But how did he know? I didn't tell anyone about it. Not even Connor and we tell each other everything.

"You don't have to explain it Andrew. I understand. But, I'm going to tell you right now, that it's not that I wouldn't be open or willing to try dating a guy, it just that I'm sure you already know that I have a girlfriend."

"But...How did you know? I never told anyone about my feelings," I asked him.

He smiled at me.

Joshua let out a small chuckle and then answered, "I mean, I saw you staring at me changing in the locker room during gym class. You weren't exactly nonchalant about it. And that's just one example."

"So does that mean you don't want to hang out on Saturday?" I said, clearly disappointed.

"Of course I still do. I never said we can't still be friends. And cheer up. I'm pretty sure someone who likes you just as much you like him."

"I don't know what you mean," I explained.

"Oh come on now Andrew. I'm not stupid," Josh said to me, clearly annoyed at my attempts to avoid the truth.

"I saw what happened between you two," he claimed.

My heart was racing out of control. He had to of seen the sweat pouring off of my forehead. I was terrified. Did he really see what happened between Connor and I? If he saw, then just how many other people could have seen it? What if this got out in school? What would happen to Connor? He's on the JV starting lineup. It could affect his reputation. It could affect mine.

Josh leaned in close to me and whispered, "I saw you two kiss."

My heart just dropped.

"Just because he kissed me doesn't mean he wants to be like, my boyfriend or anything, and it doesn't mean that I want to be his either," I blurted out.

"Well it's just a hunch," he said, which I could tell from the way he said it and his voice that he was clearly hiding something.

"But you very well could be right," he said to me as he got up and walked away.

At first it didn't faze me, but after a moment, I realized that HE WAS WALKING! I looked and he had one of those big boots on that they give you when you do something to you foot so you can walk instead of having to use crutches. I guess he must have gone to the doctor or something.

I realized that he up and left without even saying goodbye to me. He didn't leave me empty handed though. I had a lot to think about, especially in regards to Connor. All I knew was that I had to go find him. So I gathered my belongings and ran out of Panera, leaving behind the mess that Connor and I had made.