Testing My Feelings

Chapter 10

The first place I went to look for Connor was at his house. It was only like a ten minute walk from Panera and fifteen minutes from the school. I got to the intersection of his street and I just stood there, at the end of the street. I looked up and stared at the green street sign attached to the old weathered pole that stood before me.

"0th Street," I said aloud to myself as I read the street sign.

Connor lived at 21 0th Street, Belden Falls. It was one of the strangest street names I'd ever heard. Yea sure, you hear about a 1st Street, 2nd Street, 3rd Street, 4th Street, and so on, but never a 0th Street. I just found the name to be very strange. I think some idiot thought it would be funny to name a street that, so he did, and no one's ever questioned it. But that's just what I think happened.

After thinking about how strange his street's name was, I continued down his street to his house. When I got there I frantically knocked and pounded on the door, yelling for Connor, until I heard a voice call out.

"Alright. Alright. Hold on. I'm coming," the voice said agitated as it approached the door.

The door swung open and standing in front of me was a tall woman with blonde hair and fair skin. It was Connor's mom.

"Oh...Um...Hello Mrs. Lear," I said to here.

"Hi Andrew. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?" she asked.

"Have you seen Connor?" I asked, avoiding her questions.

"No. He should be at school like you," she scolded me.

"Well something happened at school and he ran off and now I think he is avoiding me," I explained to her.

"Can you just let me know when he comes home?" I begged her.

"Alright I will. You better get back to school," she answered.

She shut the door. I didn't know what to do next. I didn't know if I should go back to the school or just go home. I just wandered around. I walked down James Street, wandering around aimlessly while thinking about everything that's happened the past few days. I was so confused.

I was confused about Connor. Did he like me? Do I like him? Was he just playing a prank on me? I didn't know what to think or feel about Connor. All I did know was that I was worried about him. I was concerned about him.

I was confused about Joshua. Does he like guys? Do I actually like him? Does he secretly like me? How did he see through me so easily? Why did he confront me about it? Who is his girlfriend? I was just puzzled, again not knowing what to think or feel.

Most of all, I was puzzled and confused about myself. Did I like guys? Am I gay? Do I like girls? Do I like Joshua? Do I like Connor? Am I straight? What is going on in my head? Why do I feel this way? I was so confused. I was being mentally and emotional pulled in all different directions. It was only a matter of time before it tore. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to deal with what was going on.

I snapped back to reality and found myself on Pine Crest Road. I reached into the pocket of my blue Adidas shorts and whipped out my phone. It said 12:25 PM. I had been wandering around looking for Connor for nearly an hour and with that thought I decided it was time to go home. But first, I unlocked my iPhone. I figured that I'd try and call Connor. Maybe he would answer, so I tapped his contact picture and the phone started dialing. It just rang, and rang, and rang, and rang, until finally, it went to Connor's voicemail. I spammed him with a couple text messages.

Connor we need 2 talk
Connor im worried call me
where are u
Answer me
come 2 my 🏠 @ 2:30 we need to talk

Hopefully he would read my messages. Hopefully he just went back to the school and that's all. And hopefully, he would come talk to me.

I locked my phone, slid it back in my pocket, and headed home.