Three Fangirls VS. the Naruto World (Naruto Fanfic)

Epilogue: Dear So-and-So (Letters from Losers)

[The following letters are ones we never actually sent, for various reasons. We're only showing 'em to YOU all cause... well, cause we thought they sorta belonged in this story. Maybe? I dunno. Just read, people]

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What's up, Dog Boy?

Just thought I'd tell you that I'm safe and sound, cause I heard you were worried about me and cause, I dunno, cause I just want to, I guess. So, here it goes. I'M SAFE AND SOUND.

Yup. Just like that.

A lot of shit happened after you, me and Akamaru had that epic little day together. A lot of shit I can't really tell you about. It's not that I don't want to, it's just... a shit-ton of shit to explain, and the letter would be about ten thousand pages long and you would probably end up thinking I'm a crazier bitch than I really am and I just...

Alright, moving on!

So... I heard Suki left Konoha to go to Orochimaru or whatever. The snake pedo, right? With Sasuke? 

You dodged a kunai there, eh?

I'm sorry, that was insensitive. I think. I dunno, really, it's not like I've been in this position before. I mean, trying to comfort your crush about his ex ditching the Village cause she's just a bitch and wants attention from a rapist? Yeah. Not your every day sorta thing at all.

Wait.

I said crush. As in you. As in I have romantical feelings for a Dog Boy.

Ugh.

Ehhhh but you probably already figured that out, so what the hell. Not like I was doing a good job of hiding it, anyway. Cause I was just oh-so smooth at Ichiraku, huh?

Even Teuchi was blushing, for Kami's sake!

No, but seriously. How are you doing? You holding up? Cause, if it would make you feel better, I'll totally bust into the creepy snake's place and beat the bloody snot outta Suki (and Sasuke for personal reasons) ((and Orochimaru for more personal reasons)) (((Kabuto too, least I think Hibiki Sensei said that was the weirdo's name)))

Just say the word, and Ari the Terminator will get to her day-job of ass-kicking!

.....Er, Scar's staring at me like I should be prepared to have my head ripped from my shoulders and re-screwed on backwards, so maybe I'll quit with the random crap for now. 

The point of this letter is really just.. to say hey, I guess. I wasn't fit for missions when Gaara and everyone went after Sasuke and Suki, so I couldn't see you, and let me tell, I was flipping pissed. You guys almost died?! WHAT THE HELL, DOG BOY?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT?! YA THINK I WOULDA BEEN OK HEARING YOU AND AKAMARU BIT THE DUST, AND NOT THE PROVERBIAL KIND? JUST WHAT THE F--

[here, the letter was filled with indiscernible scribbles and what not because Scar tried to grab the pencil from me cause she didn't want me writing "extreme cuss words" or whatever and I dived outta the way and the paper... suffered. sorry, no real translation here]

...I'm back. Sorry. Got into a bit of a brawl with my stiff-and-stuffy sissy. Won't happen again! Now, where was I...? Oh, right! 

I still owe you a bowl of ramen and another round of ass-whooping in training, so you can bet your puppy's furry ass you'll be seeing me again. I dunno when, but it'll happen. That's an Ari Hayes Original Promise, and I don't joke about my trademark promises. Same way Vi doesn't joke about her ships.

See ya soon, Dog Boy!

Your Smexy Friend,

Arianna Hayes

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Dear _______,

This letter won't last long, I assure you, so I suggest you read this as soon as you've aquired it.

I'll make myself clear: I refuse to use your name in this letter, seeing as how it would be confiscated long before it ever reached your hands. And to give myself a clarity even more suitable for this letter: This isn't written out of common courtesy or any sort of interest. Everything written here is strictly business.

I'd like you, you insufferable bastard, to kindly inform your Leader-sama that Gaara of the Sand shall remain in the Sand. I have absolutely no intention of handing him over to your organization. He deserves much more than what you have in store for him, and I'll make is my personal mission, if that is what it takes, to keep him out of your filthy hands.

So, _______, I hope we've come to some sort of understanding. I'd hate to find out this message has gone completely over your head, seeing as how you are far superior to me, as you put it while I and my sister were in your care. 

In any case, I'll end it here.

But as a side note, however much you dislike it, you'll be waiting for Gaara for an eternity if I myself have anything to say about it.

Regretfully yours,

Scarlette Hayes

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Hiiiiiiiiiyaaaaa Lee-kun!

I haven't seen you in forever! Or Guy Sensei! You're both being youthful, right? Oh, wait. Of course you are. How could you not be, when you've got your magical jumpsuits of YOUTH!!

Oh, oh, oh! How was your surgery?! A success, right?! Kitty-chan and Gaara told me you were hyper and happy during the fight you had with that creepy bone guy. But Gaara said you were drunk! Bad Lee, don't ya know alcohol is bad for you? Geeze, you can't be youthful when you're plastered!

Or, well, you can, but it's not the same thing, I swear!

I wanna go on a mission with you and Guy Sensei! Please? Can we pleeeeeaaaasssse?! I bet Hibiki Sensei would let me! Ask the Hokage, pretty pretty please with youthfulness on top? 

....Scar is telling me I'm being too pushy. I'm not being pushy, right? *pouts* 

Oh! How's everything with Tenten? Did ya remember to ask her out? *wiggles eyebrows* You two are gonna be soooooo CUTE together! I'll start thinking of adorable little names for you! How about... hmmmm, LeeTen? TenLee? LenLen? Oh well, I'll think of something, so no worries about it. But you better keep your promise, Spandex-kun, or I'll know about it and I won't be your buddy anymore!

Ah, that's right! Naruto left the Village to train, right? Kitty-chan was telling me about it the other day. He's gonna get so strong! (probably) You definitely need to keep up, Lee-kun! SHOW HIM THAT NO ONE CAN LOSE TO YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTHHHH!

See you later, Lee-kun! Tell Guy Sensei that I miss him! And tell Tenten I want pictures!!

The Bubbly Blonde Cherub of Youth,

Violet Hayes

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