Midoria's Heart

Midoria's Heart 15 - The Journey Ahead

Hey there!  

So this is it, the last chapter of Part I. I'll probably take a break for about a week after, just so that I can get ahead with writing and whatnot.  

But it won't be a long break, I promise lol.

Disclaimer:  

Included in this chapter are lyrics to the song "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. I DID NOT WRITE THIS.  

No copyright infringement was intended and all credit goes to the writers of the song and to the band.

That being said, please listen to the music. It really helps with the whole mood of the first part ^_^

Anyway, read and enjoy, and please comment and let me know what you think!!

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Chapter 15 - The Journey Ahead

It is unspeakably hard to say goodbye to those you love. The ones that are always there for you; who pick you up when you fall, who brush you off, hold you tight and tell you everything is going to be alright. These are the people who make you smile and laugh, who hold you when you cry and are always there when you need them. The ones you can't ever imagine losing. When you are little you are convinced that they are like Superman; invincible and able to beat down all of your foes. But even Superman cannot live forever... and so one day the inevitable happens, and they are taken from you, always too soon.

When you lose them; when they are ripped away from you by the cruel hands of fate and thrown into the cold abyss of death, it seems as though the world itself will stop turning. Because how could it possibly go on without them? How can everything be alright when you know that they are gone forever? How can you move forward, past the pain and the grief, when they are no longer there to make you smile, to wipe away your tears of sorrow and bring the joy back into your heart?

The answer? You can't.

Grief is an ocean and death is an abyss. Pain and suffering will always come and destroy what little joy you had left. So what then is the point of living in the first place? I asked myself this question again and again, waiting, praying that there was an answer. I was praying that there was something more to my existence than just to live while watching everyone I love die.

Wearing all white I would stand alone, day after day high up on the mountain ledge. I let my long hair blow free, almost hoping that the wind would blow away my pain. Over and over again a song played in my head, its soft melody etched with sorrow. The words seemed fitting and I whispered them to myself; softly at first then growing louder.

"May angels lead you in,  

Hear you me my friends  

On sleepless roads the sleepless go  

May angels lead you in."

My voice went out on the wind, carrying the song with it. With heartbreak in my voice, I cried out for the dead, and for the living who must stay behind and say goodbye. It began to rain, as though the world itself was mourning my loss as well. But on the last verse, my voice broke. Crying softly, I shut my eyes and whispered the words to myself:

"And if you were with me tonight.  

I'd sing to you just one more time.  

A song for a heart so big,  

God couldn't let it live."

When I finished singing, I sat abruptly on the ground, unable to carry the weight of my grief any longer. The past two days had been difficult. It was so hard to stand in front of the servants, the people of the court and all of my friends, pretending that everything was alright when it definitely was not. I was overcome every moment with an onslaught of emotions, varying from sadness to anger. As terrible as this was, the worst feeling - even worse than the grief and sorrow - was the guilt. A heavy feeling of remorse and regret that wrapped around my chest like a piece of hot iron and pressed in on me, making it hard for me to breathe. Because, while I knew that what had happened was not my fault, deep down inside of me a part of my soul whispered that I could have stopped it. My friends noticed this, I think, and became overly cautious with their words, treating me as though I were a porcelain doll that would break at any moment. When I was around them I shut my emotions out, becoming this empty shell of a being so that I wouldn't have to feel their pity. But I knew that I couldn't stay like that. I had to accept what had happened; to accept this death and come to terms with my guilt and anger. Only then would I be able to forgive myself and move on.