Twentieth Lesson- What not to say.
"Babe?"
The amount of boxes lying around and blocking the way was ridiculous. I never really expected to have so much shit. How on earth did I have so much shit???
Apple barked lightly at something in the air and I patted his little head, smiling when he pointed his muzzle at me, licking it as if he were expecting a kiss. He was so cute, a little bigger than when I first got him and I was so used to have him jogging around and sitting on my lap than I never really considered actually taking him to my mom's.
"In here...If you can find me."
"What is all this?" Harry asked, a little bewildered as he looked around....So much shit. Leaning on a tower of boxes full of shoes and, well, crap, he crossed his arms on his chest, trying to bite the smile as he looked at me, sitting gloomily on the floor as I played with Apple.
"This is my stuff." I said, a little too frantic as I looked around. I only had a tiny room in a tiny dorm, and still I had managed to take 24 boxes and a few garbage bags. "Look at all this!!"
"Babe...."
"I mean, Harry, I think we should reconsider...."
"Babe...."
"This is too much, this won't fit anywhere in your loft!!!"
"Babeee!!! We'll move, get a bigger flat, I don't give a fuck." His large hands came to each side of my face and making me look up at him as he knelt in front of me. "We're doing this."
"I just..." I started, looking away from him and to the pile of clothes I hadn't been able to fit anywhere.
"Nothing, babe. You've been doing this for 6 months, telling me you're ready to move in and then you just don't go through with it. I'm getting tired of it!"
My heart dropped to my stomach at his words, looking at his serious expression. There was not a glint of amusement on them in that moment and that scared me, the thought of losing him never being so tangible. My eyes followed him, seeing him plop down next to me and stretch his long legs until they were all the way out. My eyes fell to my lap, petting Apple who was looking from Harry to me, a little jumpy and nervous as I touched his ears.
"Harry...."
"You don't wanna move in with me and I can't force you to do it, babe." He started, refusing to look at me as he patted Apple's head. My breathing was starting to get heavier and I was definitely going to throw up, too scared to even say anything. Everything was turning blurry, except for him and the fact that I felt as if he was slipping away from me. "I just thought we were ready and it just, you know, makes me think maybe we're in two different relationships here."
My hands found their way to his neck and I tilted his head, making sure he was looking at me as I pulled him down for a kiss. It wasn't nice, the kiss, a hint of desperation tinting my lips as I roamed his pretty pink mouth. The words I had never been good saying were all there.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, my lips tingling from the force of the kiss.
"Don't be. Let's just, let's just move on. Maybe this isn't for us."
"Can we?" I asked him hopeful, my eyes set on his and the spark of excitement dying quickly as I noticed his gloomy expression. "Harry?"
"I- I just need to think."
"Harry?" I repeated, seeing him get up and leave my side. Suddenly the world was spinning in slow motion and I was more and more confused. "Harry, come and talk to me, please." I insisted, getting up from the floor to follow him as he made his way to the door.
