“Goodnight, Jade,” I hear him whisper before I drift off into sleep.
***
I wake up to a dry mouth, a pounding head, and an arm around my waist. I open my eyes slowly, squinting at the light that comes in from the windows. My thoughts move around slowly through my mind, forcing me to take a few moments to fully process everything I think before I fully understand it. The back of my mind however, is a swirling mass of panic and confusion.
I close my eyes, trying to fall back asleep again so I can get rid of my hangover
***
I wake up a few hours later, and Tobi is sat at his computer. The pounding in my head has lessened, so I sit up, rubbing my eyes.
“Tobi?” I ask quietly, my voice croaky from my dry throat. I notice his headphones are on and assume he hasn't heard me. Deciding not to bother him, I grab my phone, getting up off the bed and going to the kitchen. I grab a glass out of the cupboard and get some water, drinking it while I lean against the counter.
I turn on my phone, going through my notifications. I notice a notification from Twitch, which is odd as I never really use it. I click on it and it brings me to Tobi’s livestream. I freeze as I notice that the stream has been going on for half a hour, meaning it was going when I left his bedroom. I feel as though there is hand squeezing my organs as anxiety creeps up.
“Shit,” I whisper as I look through the comments. It's obvious that some people saw me sneak out, although how much they saw I don't know. I go back a bit to when I would have been leaving Tobi's room. Although you can't really see my face, it is quite obvious that I'm there.
I turn my phone off, panicking slightly. The idea of all those people knowing who I am is intimidating and I automatically feel more self conscious. Although I had been there when they have filmed some videos, I had never been in them and I didn't really want to.
I decide to text Tobi, not really knowing what else to do, and just hope he looks at it before he finishes streaming.
When I got up people saw me in the background of the stream.
Shit
Do you want me to come talk?
No it's fine
Do you want to come introduce yourself or anything?
No I think I'd rather not have them all know who I am
Okay, whatever you want
Are you going to say anything?
Unless you want me to, no
I mean it's not like I'm hiding anything
Okay
Thank you
It's all good
I'm going to end the stream soon,
then we can talk
Alright
I go back onto Twitch, watching the last few minutes of the stream before Tobi explains that he needs to go.
A few moments later, I hear his door open and footsteps walk towards where I sit at the counter. I turn around, making eye contact with him and smiling weakly as he walks over.
“Good morning,” he says, standing in front of me.
I look down, still worrying about what everyone will think.
“You okay?” He asks, already knowing that this has made me anxious.
“Yeah, it's not a big deal, it's just,” I sigh, and he nods encouragingly at me, “It's stressful, knowing that hundreds of thousands of people have seen me. I'm not used to having the pressure of so many people's opinions hanging over me, and I just don't know how to deal with it. What am I supposed to do?”
He smiles a bit sadly, coming closer and wrapping his arms around me.
“You don't need to worry about them, people are going to think what they think, there's nothing you can do about it,” he says comfortingly.
I hug him tightly, “I know,” I sigh, “Love you.”
“Love you too,” he says pulling away, “It'll be okay,”
I smile, genuine this time, “Thanks Tobes, you're the best.”
“I know,” he says sarcastically, pretending to flip shoulder length hair, “now… breakfast?”
“Yeah,” I say, “shall we go to that cafe around the corner?”
He nods.
“Let me just freshen up a bit and then we can go.”
I walk out of the kitchen, through the living room, and into the bathroom. Checking my reflection in the mirror, I wipe some excess mascara from under my eyes and smooth out my eyebrows a little. I run my fingers through your hair a few times before pulling it up into a messy bun. Once deciding I look presentable, I go back out into the living room and grab my bag.
“Ready?” I ask Tobi, and he nods, standing up from his seat on the sofa.
We walk out into the hallway and head downstairs in the elevator. Stepping out of the building, I'm hit by a blast of cold air and stumble back a bit. Tobi laughs and grabs my arm, stabilizing me.
“All good?” He giggles.
“Oh yeah, just great,” I mutter sarcastically, “haha, Jade almost fell over yet again.” He laughs again and I glare at him before joining him in his laughter.
Out conversation consists of lighthearted teasing and inside jokes the rest of the walk there. Although earlier I was feeling awful, spending time with Tobi has cheered me up, and I feel quite carefree.
When we get to the cafe we sit down, ordering our food. The rest of breakfast passes uneventfully, and I end up just going home afterwards.
I change into sweats and a hoodie before ridding myself of yesterday’s makeup and collapsing on the couch.
As I remember the events of this morning, I can't help but think about how sweet Tobi was to me. He always seems to know how to make me feel better; even when he first met he was so thoughtful and kind.
I sigh, knowing there is no way to get rid of my feelings.
(A/N 1. Ok so sometimes I read things that include anxiety/depression things and it's so obvious to me that the writer hasn't experienced it, so I just wanted to say all anxiety/panic related things in this are personal experience, and they may happen differently for you but this is just what happens for me, 2. I found the clip from a few chapters ago: 5:17 https://youtu.be/xxWQlsPojgA)
YOU ARE READING
Stars - Tobjizzle
Fanfiction"If I know what true love is, it's because of you" -- In which Jade meets a stranger who comes to mean much more to her than she thought possible
