I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

9

---Patrick---

Why it happens, I still don't know, but it happens. And this specific memory took place three years ago, the summer of my seventh-grade year...

The trees pass by fast, flurries of dark green and black. Each branch a colony of needles, each lush and green and healthy. Wet with the rain from a couple hours before, dewdrops from pine needles dropping once here, twice there. The only light in the sky is the moon overhead, shining with a luminous light, a dim glow shredded through the trees. The only thing that lights our path is the headlights of our car. Bright white, shining beams through the fog to the puddles scattered across the ground.

"So... what's her name?" The voice rings out through the stiff air and, we would be listening to music but somebody stole our car radio and now we kind of just sit in silence. It's okay, though. I kind of like the silence. I like the way it sounds. Nothing but the tires under us and the sound of the engine and the occasional birdsong in the distance from the forest. If we were to explore it, I'm not sure if either of us would be able to leave. It's so thick and dense that I doubt we'd be able to get through the edge of it. But back to the woman's request. What's her name?

"Ashley," I say with a calm smile and light pink cheeks. The sleeves of my jacket are drawn up past my hands as I hold it to my mouth and chew on the cuff of the clothing, nervously. My mom is asking about Ashley, I know sex is going to come up eventually, and I've never really been that fond of the subject. I mean... yeah, I want to. I... um... masturbate sometimes, but for the most part, I like to stay away. Unless it's someone I'm absolutely sure about, I won't do it. Ashley is the only person I would do it with. And I doubt she would even let me. I'm p mmmm only 14.

"Is she cute?" She asks, her knuckles are white as her hands grip the steering wheel unnecessarily tight, keeping her eyes on the road but glancing over at me every once in a while. Her green eyes attached to me.

"Yeah..." My cheeks are warm as I slide my hands farther inside my light red sleeves, embarrassed about talking about my girlfriend.

"Well, no sex 'til you're 16 or so, and we can talk about it. If you decide to do it earlier, though... at least use protection. I don't want to see you die on me."

And there's the sex. I blush even more because Ash and I have talked about it... but at the same time, I still want to wait until I'm absolutely sure, "It's not that serious yet..." I say with a mumble.

"Sure it isn't, I know about all you high schoolers. Always experimenting." She chuckles, "Is Brendon jealous?"

"No, he's gay. I told you that. He's dating Joe." I reply in a mumble, but I'm happy to get away from the previous topic, "Although, I think he should date Ryan."

"Ryan's the one that always wears eyeliner, right?"

"Mom. There are like ten guys I know of who wear eyeliner, you have to be more specific." I laugh. Brendon, Pete, and Ryan all wear eyeliner, and I know she gets my friends mixed up a lot. Much more often than she should seeing as I've been friends with them since I was about five, they come over at least once a week, and I talk about them 24/7.

"The guy who isn't Pete or Brendon."

"Yes, that's Ryan. I think him and Brendon should be together. They'd be a cute couple." I reply with a smile on my face. She looks over at me, taking her eyes off of the road for just a split second to look at me then looks back.

"Okay, so tell me more about this Ashley."

I blush at her persistence to know about my girlfriend, "Mom. You're making me sound like a teenage girl."