I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

34

---Patrick---

Dying can't be worse than this.

School.

I think I'm going to have a panic attack.

There are so many teenagers, and it's terrifying. I don't know any of them, they don't know me. It's not that I'm afraid of teenagers, I'm just scared of what they could do to me. I haven't forgotten how Jon, Spencer, and Bob bullied me at my old school. I'll never forget...

It constantly talks to me now. The voice in the back of my head. Confirming all of my self-loathing and doubt and... everything. It's bringing me closer and closer to the edge of breaking, the only thing stopping me from ending it all is what's happening this afternoon. I'm getting called out of school early to go to the Foster Care Center and have a meeting with one of the ladies there, Donna, Allie, Mark, and Gerard.

I look down at my phone: Wednesday, October 19th, 9:56 AM. Only three more hours of... this...

On Monday, Donna called Allie, and they talked for a while, eventually making plans to me up at the foster center. I almost cried in joy because that meant I'll be able to see Pete and Joe and Ryan and Brendon and Frank again. Most importantly, Gerard. I'll be able to go to Mountainside... I'll have another chance...

So far I've been in school for three days. It was stressful. I didn't know any of the teacher's names, I was immediately loaded with homework, and nobody talked to me. I wanted to scream because I didn't know half of the shit they were teaching. I did meet three people, though, who immediately accepted me into their group and they were okay with me hanging out with them for some reason.

As I sit at my desk for English, I can already see one of them: Ray. He reminds me of Joe with his dark brown Afro with stray hairs popping out here and there. I'm tempted to bury my head in it like I did to the other boy but... Ray isn't Joe, Ray is Ray and Ray doesn't really appreciate it. He's a bit serious, but it's the kind of friend that fits me right now. I never smile like anyone else does, my mouth is constantly resting, and I can't seem to smile without a little bit of effort. Ray fits me right now, and so far, he's been there when I need him, mostly with the constant bullying that happens to me... He wears mostly just plain black tees, jeans, and converse, like ever other person at this stupid school. The only difference between Ray and the rest of them is how caring he is, he gives me my space and doesn't force anything on me, or bully me. I'm grateful for it, and I honestly wish I could get to know him better. I gave him my phone number, and we've texted back and forth a few times but not a whole lot.

Next, there's Dallon. He has dark hair and blue eyes that look identical to sapphires. I could honestly get lost in them, like a maze... or Joe's hair. He has clear, light skin, too, and often wears leather jackets and dark jeans. He's a cool, relaxed kind of guy but he has my back when I need it. He's right by Ray, Andy, and I's side when trouble happens and he's not afraid to fight if it's needed.

Finally, there's Andy. He's probably my favorite. He looks like he could kill you on the outside but on the inside, he's a fluffy sweetheart. Not to mention, his voice does not fit his build. He's really muscled, but he sounds like a goddamn seven-year-old when he talks. The first time we met, I thought he was screwing with me. In the end, I was embarrassed and couldn't stop feeling guilty for getting mad at him. He's a really sweet guy, and like Dallon, he's not afraid to fight when he needs to. A few kids were giving me trouble on my first day of school, and he was the first person there. He socked one of them in the jaw and asked if I was alright, then invited me to sit at his table with Dallon and Ray (Which I accepted, of course).

Now, I'm in first period English with Mr. Parkman. He's teaching something I've already learned at my last school, and it's honestly boring. It's taking all my will not to fall asleep but I know if I do, he would snap at me and everyone would start staring and-