I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

59

---Patrick---

Ten seconds feels like hours. Donna follows us outside, I'm still screaming despite the fact that I'm basically being dragged out of the hospital and Pete is begging me to be quiet. All I can focus on is the fact that I need to see Gerard, his brown eyes open, alive and awake. He... he can't really be under. He can't do this to me. I told him. I fucking told him to stay with me. He promised me he would stay with me. He promised me three times over he'd be there for me.

I fucking love him, and he loves me. How could he do this to me? How could I do this to him? How could we do this to each other? How could they do this to us? How could this happen? I just... I need... I can't... If only...

"Patrick! Snap out of it," Pete yells. He's not making sense, though. I'm screaming still and begging to go back, I need to find Gerard, and I need to know he'll be okay.

I feel a sharp sensation on my cheek, and it takes me a moment to realize he just slapped me. I blink, my screaming over and now I'm just staring at him, dumbfound.

"Calm down, it's okay, okay? He's not gone. He's not going to leave. You gotta listen to me. He has a good chance of waking up. He's going to be okay... I promise. It's going to turn out fine..." He pulls me into a hug, I can't help but hug back, my hands shaky against his back. His hair tickles my nose, but it's not Gerard's hair. This is just Pete Wentz. Just my best friend, not my lover. He's useless to me right now. I want Gerard...

Donna holds her hands to her mouth, I can see the pain across her face. The pain of her heart shattering into a million pieces and falling like blades but it disappears as soon as it comes. I know that feeling. It hurts. It kills you inside to a point where you feel like someone filled you up with Novocaine and you're just... numb to everything.

"Do you want to go home for a bit?" He asks softly, "We can go and talk for a bit. If you want you can stay with me, or I could stay with you. Whatever you want. I'll show you more lyrics and... and... whatever you want to..."

He's close to tears, I can see it. How could he help me when he's struggling with his own pain. Gerard's near dead, and he's trying to be selfless in helping me. Why...? It's useless. It really is hopeless... Nobody could cheer me up, and he needs to worry about himself first. His health should mean a lot more than mine...

Despite my internal wishes, I nod softly with tears still lacing my green eyes, "Okay..."

"We're gonna go ahead, do you need us to do anything?" Pete asks turning to Donna. She shakes her head before walking forward and hugging me tightly, "Good luck, Darling. Get sleep, eat I'll be home tonight."

I nod, hugging back, "Love you, talk to you tonight... tell me if... anything happens to Gerard... I want to know-"

"Wait!" Someone yells to us. Donna and I break apart to see Mikey running towards us with my phone, "Here, you left it on your bedside table."

He presses it in the palm of my hand and hugs me. His embrace is warm and full of... not sympathy but... empathy... he goes to Pete.

"You just did that to say goodbye to me, didn't you?" Pete asks softly with a hint of a joke in his voice, but he isn't smiling.

"Maybe," Mikey replies. They slide their lips together. It makes me feel a weird emptiness in the pit of my stomach, so I walk away. I don't want to see it. It just makes me feel more empty than I already do without Gerard. Jealousy? I guess...

I continue down to the bus stop, phone in hand and my eyes down, joined soon after by Pete who has to run to catch up to me. As soon as he does, we walk in silence for a while. Our feet in sync and the sound of sirens leaving the hospital sounding in the distance. How many more tragedies could the world have? Gerard is enough to ruin eleven lives, but with a number of people, a hospital can get in a day... if could ruin hundreds more. Gerard is just one in a million.