I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

32

---Gerard---

"Tomorrow, he should be awake, and when he does, I need you to tell him you don't love him."

Those words tug at my heart. They basically yank it, like someone had squeezed it and it was close to popping. It felt like a punch to my gut. Tell him that I don't love him? Why? What good will that do but break his heart more?

"What? Why?"

Dr. Capaldi sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose before he murmurs, "It'll make the healing process slower, but it's easier this way. You know long distance relationships don't work out. I promise it's easier this way."

"I don't want to break his heart, though. I can't... I can't tell him that..." I feel like I'm about to cry, one week he was asleep and now I have to basically break his heart?

"I know it's hard, Gee, but you're strong, and if you want the best for him, this is the way to go."

I turn away, but I realize he's right. If I want Patrick to heal, this is what I have to do. But I need to be with him. I love him so much. How can I just throw that all away?

"I... can't..." I whisper.

"Gerard, please, you want him to get better, right? This is all you have to do. After this, he'll live a better life, and he won't have to worry about David or Kevin. It'll all be okay."

"He'll get better... he won't have PTSD or anxiety or... or any of it?"

"Correct,"

"I..." I purse my lips. I'm so conflicted and miserable... I can't let him leave, but I know it's for the best. Just like it was best for Mikey to leave... "Okay..."

"I'm gonna go in. One more day, Gerard," Dr. Capaldi says with a gentle smile, "I'll call you in after a bit," and then he turns and leaves.

***

Gerard: Hey

My fingers are shaking. I can't control the flow of tears draining my eyes and running down my cheeks. I'm not sobbing. I'm just sitting in silence, Mom's at work, Mikey's at school, Dad's in a grave, Patrick's moved on. Funny how the world works. How so many things can come crashing down on you at once, and all you do is silently cry alone. It's pitiful. Absolutely pathetic.

Frank: Hey, how are you?

I'm not okay. I promise.

How strong are your promises?

I have yet to break one.

Gerard: I'm okay. I'm missing Patrick but I'm doing okay...

I wish.

Frank: That's good... I was talking to Pete earlier. He sounds miserable, and I just feel terrible for him... especially after he found out everything

Gerard: yeah

Gerard: I miss him so much... I just I don't know. After I told him I don't love him I just... hurt inside... sorry if I'm getting too sappy for this

I don't bother to wipe my tears. It's like my back has been breaking from this heavy heart. I want to just sleep my life away until I'm nothing.

Frank: It's going to be alright. You'll heal, he'll get a better home. I'm sure it'll all be just fine.

I fucking wish.

Gerard: Sorry for bothering you. I'll talk to you later, k?

Frank: r u sure?