The White Rabbit

Chapter 11

    Warning!! There is rape in this chapter! I'm sure that you know the drill by now. If any of this triggers or upsets you then feel free to skip ahead!! Other than that, enjoy!

I continue to back up as he walks towards me. My legs feel like jello as I walk and they threaten to let me fall. Eventually, I back up too far and hit back bumps into the wall. My dad keeps walking until he's right in front of me. He has me trapped and he knows it. I look down at my feet as if they're the most interesting things in the world.
    "D-dad," I stutter. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'll never do it again, I promise." He pays my pleas no warning as he grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eyes are once again unreadable and that's what scares me the most. If I could just read his eyes, then I would know what I'm in for. The unknown terrifies me. Especially when the unknown is my dad's emotions.
    I whimper as he puts his hands under my shirt. They run across my stomach. I wince when he suddenly runs his nails down my stomach, scratching it harshly. He attaches his lips to my neck. He bites and sucks harshly and I know that there will be marks there. He licks my Adam's apple and I shiver. I feel him smirk against my neck.
    "I knew you liked it. I'm not stupid Jace. You make me seem like the bad guy when you enjoy this just as much as I do."  I want to punch him. I don't like this at all. I hate my body for reacting this type of way. He pulls away from me and stands back.
    "Strip." I shake my head. I won't make myself anymore available to him than I already am right now. He frowns when I don't move and steps forward. My head snaps to the side as he slaps me. "I said strip." I shake my head again and he suddenly grabs my throat, pinning me against the wall. He squeezes slightly and I'm struggling to breathe. "Do not make me anymore angrier than I am at this moment Jace. You. Will. Strip." He lets go of my throat and I fall to the floor. I cough as I struggle to catch my breath. I finally stand up and face him.
    Tears sting my eyes as I begin to take off my shirt and pants. I hate taking my clothes off for him and he know this. Taking my clothes off for him makes me feel as if this is something that I'm willing to do. Not like I'm being forced to do this at all. I hesitate in taking off my boxers but when I finally do, I wrap my arms around my torso as I stand back up. I don't look up at him. Seeing the lust in his eyes will be too much for me and I know that I'll break down.
    I hear rather than see him move closer to me. "Why don't you look at me bug?" A thousand retorts run through my head but I say none of them. "Look at me Jace." I slowly look up at him and what I see surprises me. His eyes don't hold any of the lust that I expected. They hold worry and care. Something I haven't seen my father show in a long time. For a second I think that maybe he'll see what he's doing is wrong. That maybe he'll see that I don't like this. But life has always had a way of screwing me over.
    "I promise you'll enjoy this."
     He slowly begins to take off his own clothes and I resist the urge to cry. I've been through this before. No one is coming to save me. No one ever has and no one ever will. I need to suck it up and just deal with it.
    When he's completely nude, my dad takes my arm and throws me onto the bed. He quickly lays over top of me before I can even think to move. He grabs my face and roughly kisses me. I keep my mouth firmly shut, preventing his tongue from entering. Then I suddenly pushes 2 fingers inside of me and I cry out. He pushes his tongue inside of my mouth, shoving it down my throat. He pushes his fingers in and out of me before adding a third one. My body feels like it's burning from the inside out as he continues pushing his fingers inside of me.
    Tears sting my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry.
     My dad finally stops kissing me and takes his fingers out of me. I breathe a sigh of relief and bask in the feeling of being able to breathe normally again. But I know better than to think that my ordeal is over. Instead my dad sits up and smiles at me. "I thought about going in dry because of how angry you made me. But I decided that if your good, then I'll let you moisten me."
     My eyes widen to the size of saucers. I'd rather die than do that. And the thought of dying sounds pretty fucking good right now. I shake my head vigorously. He frowns at me but I don't care. My dad begins to pulls my legs so that I'm facing his lower body and I begin to kick and scream. In the midst of my kicking, I kick him in the groin and he hunches over in pain. I take that moment to run off the bed and out of my room. I make it downstairs and I run to the front door. I may be completely naked right now but I couldn't give a single fuck at the moment. I get the door open about and inch when my dad's arm comes from behind me and closes the door roughly. But my arm is halfway out of the door and it slams down onto me. I scream out and pain. My dad opens the door quickly and takes my arm out before shutting it again.
     I cradle my arm against my chest and look at my dad. He glares at me as we stare at each other. "You've made me very angry Jace." Before I can process what he says, I feel his hand grab my hair and he bangs it against the door. I let the darkness consume me, hoping that it takes me forever.

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   "Mommy, daddy, can we go get ice-cream please!!" My parents smile down at me. Today, it was extremely hot and we didn't have any ice-cream in the house. I would normally only get sweets if there was a special occasion.
    My mom looks at my dad and he nods his head. "Of course we can sweetie," my  mom smiles. "Go get Caleb and then we'll leave," my dad says. I quickly rush out of the living room and upstairs to get Caleb. Without knocking, I barge into his room and find him reading a comic book on his bed.
    "Caleb come on! We're getting ice-cream," I tell him excitedly. He laughs at me and hops off his bed. I quickly run to my room and grab Harry off of my bed before going back downstairs. "Ready to go," me dad asks. Me and Caleb nod in unison and we head out of the house. We climb into the car and start the drive to the ice-cream store.
    As we drive, we laugh as my dad makes terrible jokes and my mom makes fun of him. I lean against the window and begin to fall asleep when suddenly, I hear a loud screech. I look out of the window to see a giant truck driving straight towards us. It feels like time is slowing down as I feel the car tip to the side. The car rolls over and my head hits the window, causing me to back-out.

     +++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    My vision slowly comes back as I feel my body rock back and forth. When feeling comes back in my body, I wish that it didn't. I can feel the blood surrounding me on a bed. My body is being ripped in half and the pain gets worse with each thrust.
    When I look around, I notice that I'm not in my room at all. I'm in my dad's room. A sick feeling bubbles in my stomach. He's raping me in the room that my dead mother slept in. Not only that but I'm the one who caused her death. The tears finally come.
    My dad notices that I awake and looks at me. "Don't cry bug." He wipes away my tears and kisses me. He continues to thrust into me and after a while, I feel liquid leaking inside of me. It feels like acid on my skin and I start to sob. My dad kisses me one last time before standing up.
    "I'll be right back bug. I'm going to go take a shower." I don't say anything to him and he walks out. My entire body is numb. The tears continue to leak out of my eyes as I lay there, helpless.
    I can't do this anymore.
    I slowly stand up but I fall back down when pain shoots up my back. I stand up again and lean again the wall. Blood pools on the sheets and I look away. I limp to my room and slowly put on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I empty my book bag of the school supplies and gently put Harry inside. I quietly walk out of the house, being sure not to notify my dad.
    I don't know where I'm going. I've been walking for about an hour. I thought about going to Ali's house, but I decided against it. I don't want to bother her with my problems. I'm  already enough of a burden. I continue to walk, no destination in mind. Eventually I make it to a small bridge.
    I sit over the edge and take Harry out of the book bag, sitting it on my lap. I can't help but think how shitty my life had become because of my stupid request to get ice-cream. My mom's dead, my dead is an abusive asshole, and Caleb was excluded out of the family for 9 years. Why does everyone who gets close to me always end up hurt? I ruin everything! I'm just a stupid waste of space! Slowly, I begin to stand up and look down at the water below the bridge. I'm about 25-30 feet high. All I have to do is lean forward and it would all be over. It's funny how I was too scared to take sleeping pills because I didn't want to be a coward, and yet here I stand on a bridge ready to end it all.
    I hold Harry close to me. Harry is the only one that hasn't been hurt because of my actions. My mom made a good choice when she picked him out for me. I slowly lean forward, thinking about my mom. Soon I'll be with. All I have to do is jump...
    "Jace!"