The White Rabbit

Chapter 14

    I slide the razor across my arm. Blood drips over the sink that my arm hovers over. It was pure luck that Caleb had spare razors in his bathroom since I had left mine at home. Granted, when I left I didn't plan on living to see the next day.
    It's been 3 days since I began staying at Caleb's house. Over those 3 days my urge to cut has only gotten stronger. The main reason that I cut is to take away the suicidal urges. This way, I would keep my promise to Caleb that I wouldn't kill myself. I may be injuring myself in the process but what he doesn't know won't kill him, right?
    I make another cut across my arm before turning the water on. The blood that stained the sink now washes away and goes down the drain. This is the part that always kill me. Cleaning the wound. I quickly shove my arm under the cold water and I bite my lip to prevent me from crying out at the burning sensation the water causes. I take out the first-aid kit from the cabinet and take out bandages. When all of the blood is washed off my arm and begin to wrap the bandages around me. A little bit of blood leaks onto the bandages but it's not too much to make it a problem.
    Over the time that I've been cutting, I had to be careful about a few things: I  have to be sure that I'm all alone when I'm doing it, I have to make sure that I clean the cuts properly so that they don't get infected, and I have to be sure not to cut my arm too deep. The last time I cut a little too deep, I began to see black spots and stayed in the bathroom for almost an hour.
    Once I'm done cleaning up, I walk out of the bathroom and head downstairs. Caleb sits on the couch, watching tv and I take a seat next to him. My phone rings and when I look at it, it's Ali calling me. I press yes and put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
    "And just where the fuck are you?!" Ali screams so loud that I have to pull the phone away from my ear. Caleb looks at me confused and I mouth the word 'Ali' to him. He nods and chuckles. When Ali quiets down, I put the phone back to my ear.
    "Ali, calm down. I'm with Caleb. I'll explain everything to you soon. Meet me in the park at 3." Ali says okay and threatens to kill me if I don't show up. I roll my eyes at her and hang up. Caleb looks at me curiously and I ask him, "Can you take me to the park?" It takes about 2 and a half hours to get to the park from here. It's 1:30 know, so by the time I get there it should be 3. Caleb nods and we get up and walk towards the car.
 
     +++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    "You have 5 minutes to explain to me what the fuck is going on," Ali exclaims. I sigh and tell her what happened, of course leaving out my dad abusing me. We both sit in the middle of the park on a bench. Once Caleb dropped me off, he left and said that he had to go meet with some people.
    When I finish telling Ali, she stays silent for a while, probably soaking it all in. I mean, it is a lot to take in.
     "Wow," is all that she says. We both sit in silence for a while when she breaks it. "So, are you okay?" I nod. "Yeah, I'm okay." Ali looks at me pointedly as if she knows something's up. "What," I ask.
      "Jace, I'm your best friend. I know when something is going on. What's wrong?" I try to come up with a plausible lie and just say, "It's just a lot to take in." She nods along with me and frowns, looking at the sleeves that cover my arms.
    "Jace, it's almost 90 degrees. You're gonna have a heat stroke." I shrug. "You know I don't really get hot Ali. I'm just a little chilly."
    Ali doesn't seem like she believes me but doesn't say anything else. I'm not gonna lie. I am a little warm. But I'd rather sweat than have anyone see the bandages on my arms. For the next few hours, me and Ali walk around talking and eventually buying some treats from an ice-cream truck. While Ali gets a regular ice-cream cone, I get a popsicle.
    When Caleb comes back, I say my goodbyes to Ali and get in the car. "So who did you have to meet up with," I ask. Caleb doesn't look at me as he answers. "Just some lawyers." I turn and look at Caleb. "You're serious?"
    "About what," he asks. "Gaining custody of me." He finally looks at me. "Of course I'm serious. Why wouldn't I be?."
     I sigh and lean against the window. "Because I'm not sure if you would want to take care of me. I'm not exactly the ideal child." Caleb sighs. "Jace, you're my brother. It's not about you being an 'ideal child'. I would take you in no matter what." I'm skeptical of Caleb. I don't understand why he would want me. There has to be a reason why he wants custody of me. I know there is.
    "Oh," Caleb says. "My friend is coming over later tonight. I hope you don't mind." I look at him weirdly. "Why would I? It is your house after all." He just sighs and continues driving towards the house.
     A few hours later, Caleb's friend come and he and Caleb sit on the couch laughing. I walk downstairs to see a guy with short red hair and tan skin sitting next to Caleb. He wear a white t-shirt and jeans. They both notice me and look at me.
    "Jace," Caleb says. "This is my friend Kyle. Kyle, this is Jace, my little brother." The guy, Kyle, stands up and reaches his hand out toward me. I shake it nervously. I hate shaking hands with people. I never know whether I'm squeezing too hard or not hard enough, and I never know how many times to shake. Despite my nervousness, Kyle says, "Nice to meet you Jace." He smiles and I awkwardly smile back. "Nice to meet you too."
     "Wanna come watch tv with us," Caleb asks. I nod and sit down next to him. We all watch tv for a while, but after a few hours I start to yawn. Caleb chuckles at me. "Tired?"
     I nod silently and stand up. "Goodnight Caleb," I say. "Goodnight," he replies. As I walk up the stairs, I hear Kyle start to talk to Caleb. It's not right for me to eavesdrop, but I can't help myself as I listen closely to their hushed conversation.
     "So you plan on adopting him," Kyle's voice asks.
     "Yeah," Caleb replies.
      "Are you sure that it's for the right reason though?"
      "What do you mean?" Caleb sounds confused and I'm wondering what Kyle means.
      "What I mean is are you taking custody of Jace to help him, or to hurt your dad?"
      Caleb is silent for a moment before he answers, but his voice sounds unsure. "Of course it's to help him."
      I rush to my room before I can hear anymore. I take Harry from off of my bed and hug him close to me. I knew it. I was nothing more than a tool to hurt my dad. How could I have been so stupid? Of course he didn't want me. Why would he? I sit down on my bed. I can't believe how stupid I've been. I sit with Harry on lap, resisting the urge to go downstairs and hit Caleb for using me. Just like everyone else has.