The White Rabbit

Chapter 18

I walk with Ali to school. We laugh and joke as we enter the school. While I'm opening my locker, I notice Evan and his friends out of the corner of my eye. He smirks evilly at me and continues his way down the hallway. I shake off the bad feeling that settles in my chest and focus on talking to Ali. When the bell rings, we make our way to class.
Today we watch a movie in class about some history documentary. Most of the class is asleep and only a handful of students are actually watching the movie. I stand up and ask my teacher to use the bathroom. When he says yes, I make my way out of the classroom and into the hallway. The hallways are practically empty save for a few student who are skipping class. I go inside the bathroom.
As I'm washing my hands, the bathroom door opens but I pay it no mind. Suddenly I feel someone grab my ass. I turn around to see the blond boy that hangs out with Evan. He's the same one that licked his lips at me.
"You know, I feel kinda bad the way Evan and the rest of the guys treat you," he says. "Well maybe tell them to stop," I say, going to leave. Before I can, he grabs my shoulders and pins me against the wall. "Get off of me," I say trying to sound intimidating. It doesn't work. Instead the guy just leans in closer to me.
"I can't. Me telling them to stop won't really do anything. But," he says. "I can help you buy making you feel good." He kisses me. I shove him off of me and I wipe my mouth. "I'd rather get hit by a car than have you touch me," I say and I walk out of the bathroom.
I walk back into the classroom and sit down. "Jace," my teacher says and motions for me to come toward him. I walk towards his desk and look at him. "Yes?"
"The counselor wants to see you."
"What? Why," I ask. "I don't know," he says. He hands me a note and sends me off to the counselor's office. When I get there, the counselor sits behind her desk. She has light brown hair that's tied up into a bun and wears glasses.
When she sees me come in, she motions for me to sit in one of the chairs in front of her. "I'm sorry, is there something I did," I ask. She sighs. "Jace, are you self-harming?" I look at her shocked. How did she find out?
"N-no," I say. "Jace, please don't lie to me. This is a safe place. You can tell me."
"What makes you think I'm self-harming," I ask. She sighs and takes out her phone. "An anonymous student sent this to me." She turns the phone around and shows me the video of me and Ali talking on the stairs. It's at the part where I admit to Ali about cutting.
My throat goes dry and I try to take a deep breath. Who the fuck filmed us? I know for a fact that it was just us there!
"Jace, why are you cutting yourself?" I don't say anything and she sighs. "If you won't tell me, then I'll have to recommend you to a counselor. It's a part of protocol." I jump out of my seat and glare at her.
"You don't know anything. How can you just make me go to a counselor?"
"I'm sorry Jace, but since you won't talk to me, I have no other choice but to recommend you to a counselor." I quickly storm out of the office before she can say anything else. During lunch, I tell Ali about what happened.
    "Can she even do that," Ali asks. I shrug. "Probably. She said that it's a part of protocol." Ali sighs. "I'm so sorry Jace. I'm should've made sure that we were alone while we were talking."
   "It's fine Ali," I say. I don't want her carrying the burden of my problems. She's about to say something but before she can, someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to see a girl with long blond hair laughing. "Nice website Jace." I look at her, confused about how she knows my name. She's probably in my class but I never really paid attention most of the people in my class, or even the school for that matter.
    "What website," I ask. Instead of answering, she hands me her phone and when I look at what's on there, my jaw drops. There's a picture of me on the front of the website. Above my picture, it says the words, 'The Cutting Faggot'. When I scroll down there's a picture of the Evan's blond-haired friend kissing me, and the video of me admitting that I cut to Ali. At the bottom of the website, is the video of the boys harassing me in the bathroom. Ali looks at the phone and glares at the blonde-chick.
    "Who made this?" She asks so angrily that the girl backs up a little bit. "Evan and Calvin of course," she says. "Evan sent the entire class the link to it." What?
   When I look up, I notice a couple of students laughing at me. I look over to see Evan walking towards us. "Congratulations Jace," he says. "You're famous."
    "Fuck you Evan," Ali yells. Evan glares at her then turns his attention back to me. He leans down so that his mouth is near my ear. "I told you that you'd regret talking back to me. Enjoy the fame." To add effect he takes a milk from another lunch table and pours it on my head. The milk runs down my hair and wets my clothes. Everyone in the lunchroom laughs at me.
    I stand up and rush out of the lunchroom. I notice Ali punch Evan in the chest before running after me. She calls my name but I ignore her. As I'm running down the hallway, other student laugh at me and make fun of me. They continuously call me 'Cutting Faggot' as I run. The counselor walks out of her office and calls me but I ignore her.
   I run out of the doors of the school and down the street. I keep running until I make it to the bus stop. Luckily, the bus comes soon and I get on, trying to ignore the feeling of the other passengers staring at me. I get off and my stop and make the walk home. By now, the milk has dried, making me sticky and uncomfortable.
   When I see the house, I start to run again. I open the door and go upstairs. As soon as I take out my phone, the first thing that I see is the link to the website about me. I don't click on it and instead, throw my phone onto my bed. I rush inside the bathroom and sit against the tub.
    My knees are drawn to my chest as I begin to sob. My chest tightens and I yell out in frustration. I cry and scream out loudly, "Just kill me already!"
    I look over and notice the razor sitting on the sink. With shaking hands, I reach out and grab it. I cry as I stare down at the razor in my hands. I know that I made a promise to Caleb, but I can't take it anymore. I'm completely broken, and it's too late to save me. I'm done.
   I sit inside of the bathtub and sit up. Rolling up my sleeve, I hold out my arm and hold the razor over it. Unlike all of the other cuts on my arms, this one will be vertical. And it'll be my very last cut. I slowly cut vertically into my arm, making sure that it's deeper than any other cut I've done before.  The pain is unbearable but once I'm done, I begin to grow numb. Blood leaks out of my arm and into the tub. My vision begins to go blurry as I slowly lose consciousness.
    I'm sorry Caleb, I think as my vision goes black. The last thing I hear is someone calling my name.