A Guard's life

Children and other sicknesses

A/N:
After re-reading this chapter... please believe me that I'm actually doing my best.

------------------------------------

It was hard to breath. All of his muscles were damaged and apparently his lungs weren't spared either. The pain came in waves, slowly increasing instead of healing away.
At this point Mike didn't even want to open his eyes, which were sore and broken as well. In the end it was better that he hadn't visited PG again.
There was no way he'd do ANYTHING today, not if hell itself would break loose.
"M-Mr. Nightguard?"
Ahaha, how funny. Yeah, fuck his head.
"M-Mike? You're Mike, right?"
"FUCK OFF, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!"
Murmur as from at least four voices started to ensue. Slowly he forced his right eye open, just to be sure. There was no one in the room, the voices were imaginary.
Or at least that was until something jumped on his chest and squeezed the life out of him.
"You d-dumb Nightguard! If you don't listen to us, you'll be deaded!"
"I'm already dying, GET THE FUCK OFF MY CHEST!"
The same squeaky, annoying voice continued, talking to the murmuring ones. "I TOLD you he is evil! We will have our revenge!"
A slightly softer voice weighed in, maybe of a young boy. "C-come on Foxy, he isn't even fully awake!" Softly his side was nudged. "Please Mr. Nightguard, we have important things to ask of you and we really can't wait, so please, please, PLEASE, listen!"
Groaning Mike reached towards his pills. Usually his delusions were more aggressive, but it was an issue nonetheless.
"Look, he's standing up! He DOES care about us! So no more of the stupid killing plan!"
"Wait, killing plan?" The Guard stopped dead in his tracks.
"P-please don't be angry, but Toy-Foxy thought you hurt us because you were evil... w-we would never hurt you without evidence!"
"Toy-Foxy... you mean the Trashpile?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
The lights exploded and a shower of sparks rained down. The boy from before sighed. "Great, now what? You have to apologize!"
"NEVER! ONLY IF HE APOLOGIZES FIRST!"
"Why THE FUCK should I?! You were LITERALLY a trashpile, stuffed with fleshlights! AND YOU RUINED MY LAMPS!"
"AND YOU'RE LITERALLY AN ASSHOLE THAT HAS A FACE!"
"AT LEAST I HAVE ONLY ONE FUCKING FACE AND NOT TWO!"
"Stop screaming at each other, you dummies! Toy-Foxy, play nice! He is our only hope! And you, Nightguard, please be patient! We never got to age that much..."
Desperate Mike turned around. If it wasn't too bad he was supposed to keep off his medication, but he started to get not only auditory and visual hallucinations, but physical as well.
"H-how about I make you a tea, Mister? Mom taught me that tea can be very helpful!"
"Yeah, why the fuck not I guess..."
He slowly dragged himself to the kitchen, where a teapot was floating around, preparing itself.
"Hey, since you're obviously the ghost of the robots that I destroyed yesterday, why didn't you do this magically-floating-voodo to attack me after I got you?"
"We can't really use this when we're angry... I dunno why."
After seven minutes Mike sat before a cup of tea, judging the situation carefully. If this was nothing but a delusion, it was probably harmless enough for him to stay off the pills. Especially since he had downed a few painkillers and wasn't sure about the effects the mixture would have.
If it wasn't... well, he just magically survived an attempt at his life. He wasn't in the position to complain. There wasn't the usual feel of dread and paranoia as well, so for now he would-
Yeah Mike, great idea, play along with killers AND hallucinations, nothing could go wrong here! They're TOTALLY the ghost in the machine. Go ahead, make more imaginary decisions.
Before he decided to take a sip of what could potentially be bleach, he wandered off to the window.
-Mr. Schmidt, here is the medicine, but do take the warnings on the side of the package serious. If you aren't entirely sure if your condition is worse enough to justify the usage of the medicine, you may want to check your surroundings. Hallucinations have rarely the ability to create enormous detail.-
Out of the window stretched streets and buildings, birds flew up here and there. If he concentrated enough, he was able to make out single leafs in the distance, being swirled around by the wind.
So. Looks like this was at least partly real. The tea was most likely safe to drink.
He returned to the table, the room stayed silent. Maybe his fit was already over.
"STOP staring at me!"
Well, there it goes again. "How can I stare at you if I can't fucking see you?"
"You can't see us?"
"What made you assume I could?"
They seemed to talk with each other, but it was far too silent for Mike to catch.
"I have an idea! Make it dark! Ghost can be seen at night, right?"
For fuck's sake, alright, back to the window and shut the blinds. Darkness engulfed the room, making five small phantoms visible. They sat all around the tiny kitchen, somewhat sunken into themselves, all wearing masks. Masks of the Toys. Masks that were never produced.
All their eyes were probably focused on him, but since they were lacking actual eyes he could only guess. Filled with expectation they sat up a little straighter.
"Can you see us now?" The Toy-Bonnie tilted it's head.
"Yeah, you're all terrifying as fuck."
One girl, wearing a Toy-Foxy mask, huffed and turned away. "Gee, the human-dumb finally DID something! Will you help us now or what?"
"Give me one reason to help someone who calls me dumb."
"Give ME one reason to not kill the guy who destroyed the last bit of my undead life!"
"Fair enough. First things first: When I destroyed your body, I was defending myself, because you were fucking trying to kill EVERYONE!"
"We were getting revenge! You can't understand that!"
"On WHO?"
The doorbell shrilled and in an instant everything snapped back to reality. Quickly he opened the blinds and answered the door.
Only difficulty being, that the door didn't needed to be opened anymore, as a beam of orange light vaporized it and holy music echoed through the whole place. An orange foot showed itself.
"Mike and Mikelman, IT IS I! With the best entrances and most mystical of motivations! THE ONE AND ONLY ORANGE GUY!"
In a stupor Mike stared up at him, not even angry. "What... what the fuck...?"
"EXACTLY! I knew you would understand me!"
"Can you like... leave my fucking place?"
"YES! MIKE I SEE YOUR ARGUMENT! BUT HEAR ME OUT! We have a WHOLE day in front of us! A day made out of boredom and emptiness! UNLESS we spend it together!"
Now the anger slowly dripped back in. "WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY DOOR YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I NEEDED THAT! THE SECOND FUCKING THING THAT GOT DESTROYED WITHOUT REASON!"
"You can live with me if you want!"
"I'D RATHER KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!"
He lunged at him fully in attack mode and was not regretting hitting and seeing him flung against the next wall.
"Jesus, you have a punch! S-sorry, I'll repair your door, I promise! It's just, I wanted to thank my hero! After all, you saved me yesterday!"
Surprised Mike shortly halted, inclining Old Sport to smile relieved. "Hero?"
"YEAH! You're the ultimate badass! I NEVER managed to fight against FIVE robots at once! SO AWESOME! Tell me your secret!"
"Could... could you first explain to me how and why the fuck you destroyed my door?"
"C'mon, I said I was excited! Fine, fine, what kind of door would you like me to get you?"
"Pure metal."
"You always looked like the type who is into metal." Spastically one of his eyes twitched, it might was supposed to be a wink, but the speed of it made it look like more of a stroke.
"What...?"
"Goddammit, I hoped you'd get it... ah, whatever. You're still cool though! LET'S GO NOW, IT'S TIME FOR ADVENTURE! When we are back it'll be repaired, I promise!"
With that Mike was already dragged off towards outside. In an odd way this guy reminded him of Jeremy. Probably because of his constant jumping and moving, the energy unusual to this world.
"Where the living fuck are we even going?"
"Good question! Let's go to the graveyard!"
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Not good?"
"Are you HONESTLY asking?!"
"Any better idea? I thought about a nice picnic and some grave robbing..."
"What a retarded joke. I'd rather get lost in the forest."
"Alright then, let's GO! Or do you need to for-REST before that?"
"I'm going the fuck back to my house."
"NOOOOOOOO PLS! IMMA BE A GOOD BOY! A-AND THE REPAIRS AREN'T DONE YET! IT'S TOO LOUD FOR YOUR NERVES! Please, please, I wanted to talk with you!"
"Then get to the fucking point."
"Let's go at least to the park, it's not really pleasant around here..."
"No more puns."
"Promise!"
They found a rather secluded bench and despite the day being gray and fairly cold Mike's amount of annoyed uncomfortableness stayed roughly the same. Skeptical he listened to the new guy's words.
"First of all I'd like to apologize for whatever Dave did to you on Friday. He's... a bit... emotional, you know?"
"Yeah, right, now everything is alright again, I should TOTALLY forgive him now for trying to kill me."
"No excuses, only explanations. Secondly I would love to say thank you, once more, you haven't only saved yourself, but everyone in the restaurant by destroying them. Don't let Phoney drag you down if he complains about it, he's... he doesn't has a sense of priority. I've worked with him for quite a while, he can be nice, but he's SO confused all the time!"
"Tell me about it... he doesn't even lets you have any justice. DON'T KICK BONNIE'S SHINS, EMPLOYEE, OR WE CUT YOUR PAY!"
"WHAT?! HE PAYS YOU?"
Irritated Mike glanced at him. "Oh, now don't lie to me. He HAS to pay us, right?"
"He pays me in Tokens."
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah. I literally live of pizza and soda."
"How is that even possible?!"
Old Sport laughed and shrugged. "I'm resistant against death. Well, Dave told me you and Phoney get along well? Could you... maybe... try to get him to give me real money? I mean, I once stopped a mass-shooting and only got 500 Tokens instead of something I could USE."
"You stopped a shooting?"
"Yeah, luckily I had a Taser on hand. By the way, you should definitely invest in one of them, they can save your life in so many situations!"
"I guess...? But I'd rather not have to play those stupid arcade games."
"Eh, you could just pick fleshlights out of the trashpile and sell them to Matt... oh wait, right, there's no more trashpile. That sucks, it was my main income."
"Matt buys..."
"Didn't you know? He know how to get you firecrackers as well, professional and discrete."
"Thanks for making me even more terrified of him."
"Hehe, I was already at the maximum of fear when I first saw his smile."
"... You're right."
Mike was feeling surprisingly relaxed. It was rare for people to not get under his skin immediately, especially for someone who destroyed his property. Paranoia crept up in his mind. Why was he believing this lunatic about the pay-thing? Or about Matt? Why did he allow the friend of a psycho to lure him to a secure area?!
The Orange Guard's smile started to falter as he saw the changed facial expression of his companion. "Are you alright, Mike? What's on your mind?"
"How did you and Vincent even became friends?"
"Vincent...? You mean Dave! Well, to keep it simple... First time I came to the place he wanted to befriend me, but he was fairly creepy and I believed Phone Guy when he warned me. That job went catastrophically bad and after making these bad experiences with the Phone I just thought I could give him at least a shot. And honestly I had an amazing time!"
"I've heard you tampered with the machines? Planning to destroy the whole franchise?"
"Mike... you were fired for "tampering" with the animatronics yourself, weren't you?"
"How do you know that?!"
"I know the password to Phoney's account and he keeps our logs there."
"What's his password?"
Grinning the guy wriggled his eyebrows at him. "Got curious? It's Foxylover123, all caps."
Mike considered this new information. "So you want to say PG overreacts?"
"PG? What a great term for him... and of course he does! Have you ever tried mentioning Candy's around him?!"
Overreactions, huh... Made somewhat sense. If he knew about one thing it was overreactions. Doubtful he inspected the man next to him. The Orange Guy smiled friendly at him.
Old Sport isn't evil, at least in the traditional sense.
Said guy started to chuckle. "Dave told me you're a total asshole that cussed at everyone. Guess he was pretty wrong."
"Between us, I have no idea what's wrong with me today, usually I'd tell you to fuck off and leave me the fuck alone, but today my rage is just gone. I have no fucking idea where it is."
"Maybe it's healing your body?"
"Yeah, because that makes fucking sense."
"Very little in this world makes sense... you only have to find out how to use that to your advantage."
"Oh gee, the next person who wants to play my dad."
"Hey! I'm just friendly!" Pouting he turned away. "Alright then, moving on from helpful life advice..." Silently he smiled, drifting off.
"You still there?"
"Oh. Sorry. Hey, do you like dogs?"
"Not really. They tend to annoy me."
"WHAT? YOU FREAK!"
"Fuck you. I can dislike whatever I want."
"I have an idea, come along!"
Suspicious Mike kept behind him, wondering what the guy was planning. They ended up at the animal shelter.
"Wanna help me?"
"With what? What the fuck are you planning?"
"FREEDOM FOR ALL THE BEINGS! RIOT AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT! R E V O L U T I O N!"
"How about no- wait! STOP RIGHT THERE!"
Too late, Old Sport was inside the building by now. Swearing Mike tried to catch up to him, to prevent the worst. How could someone so skinny be this quick?!
Scared the workers jumped to the side as two lunatics raced through the corridors, both screaming off the top of their lungs. They headed right for the big red button on the side that said "in case of fire, break glass".
The forces of chaos were faster and now the alarm was shrilling and the cages opened.
An abundance of dogs, some cats, few mice and a bear were now roaring angrily.
"W-why do they have a FUCKING BEAR HERE?!"
Old Sport was riding on the bear, screaming loudly. "WE ARE FREE MY FURRY FRIENDS! IT'S TIME TO TAKE REVENGE ON THE WORLD! MIKE! GET THE LION AND LET'S BECOME THE LEADER OF THIS REVOLUTION!"
"A LION?!"
Loud roaring ensued as the giant beast jumped out of the shadows and next to him.
This was getting ridiculous, he must hallucinating.
"COME ON! THE BRAND NEW WORLD ORDER WAITS FOR US!"
But now it was too late anyway, right?
He always wanted to ride a lion. Ever since he found out that dinosaurs went extinct.
"JESUS! YOU CAN SMILE, MIKE!? HECK YEAH!"
They rode towards the centrum of the city, left and ride were strangers either joining or mowed down. Howling and screeching, together with the wind on his face and the smooth jumps of the lion made him euphoric in a way he never had felt before. THIS WAS THE REVOLUTION!
The government tried their best to fight them off, but not even the attack helicopter could do anything, as the wild birds already had joined the fight.
After only a few minutes the people of the city caved in and the message was spread enough to force the government to change tactics.
They faced the main politicians of the area and Old Sport jumped down from his bear. "WE HAVE COME TO BRING WORD OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER! WE ARE HERE TO TALK, BUT WON'T HESITATE TO USE VIOLENCE!"
The animals growled in agreement, but suddenly Old Sport was pushed aside by Mike. His eyes glowed dangerously as he stood between the human and the animals, raising to his full height.
"NO! THE TIME TO TALK IS OVER! YOU WERE THE PUPPET MASTERS, SEPERATING US FROM OUR ANIMAL BROTHERS AND SISTERS, MAKING US BELIEVE THAT WE WERE WORTH MORE BUT FOOLING US ONLY INTO BECOMING WEAK AND MINDLESS! HOW OFTEN WERE WE ALL FORCED INTO SMALL PLACES AND TOLD IT WAS A BETTER LIFE THAN WHAT WOULD AWAIT US IF WE WENT AGAINST THE HIGHER-UPS?!"
The animals screeched in agreement.
"HOW OFTEN WERE WE TOLD THAT WE WERE FUNDIMANTALLY DIFFERENT AND LED TO BELIEVE WE SHOULD LOOK DOWN AT EACH OTHER?!"
More growling.
"HOW OFTEN WERE WE TOLD THAT THE LIFE OF ANOTHER SPECIES DIDN'T MATTER AS MUCH AS OUR OWN?! TOLD MANIPULATIVE STORY OF THE ONE SPECIES KILLING THE OTHER?! THESE LIES HAVE TO STOP! DECEPTION SHALL NOT BE PART OF US ANYMORE!"
They all got ready to attack.
"SO FROM TODAY ONWARDS! ALL! SPECIES! ARE! CREATED! EQUAL! WE DESERVE ALL THE SAME AND FOR THAT WE SHALL FIGHT!"
A bloody fight ensued and the physical stronger animals were ripping into the humans who in turn tried their best weapons currently available. Blood seeped into the ground and onto everyone around.
Mike stood in the middle of the fight, laughing louder and louder. "IT WAS TIME FOR CHANGE! THE STORM HAS ARRIVED, FEAR OUR WRATH!"
Old Sport got slightly worried by that. "Uh... Mike... how do you feel?"
"WHAT ARE ASKING?! ARE YOU PLANNING TO UNDERMINE MY RANK? THINK AGAIN! IF YOU'RE NOT FOR US, YOU ARE AGAINST US! TRAITORS AREN'T ALLOWED IN OUR BEAUTIFUL NEW WORLD!"
"M8, get some help! The chill pill, take it right now! We could take a nice break, clean the blood from our clothing and have lunch-"
"I FEEL PERFECTLY FINE! YOU ARE TRYING TO DERAIL THE MOVEMENT! NO BREAKS TOWARDS GLORY! TO THE TRAITOR-DUNGEON WITH YOU!"
But before the animals could notice their leader's demands, Mike was shot into the shoulder, a long needle sticking out now. Slowly he stumbled, opening and closing his mouth again and again, before finally falling over.
Out between the fighting fractions the Purple Guy appeared. "I once thought Mike was an interesting guy, but now he isn't JUST on Phoney's side, but also a fucking communist."
"Are you sure that he is a communist...?"
"Who cares, quick, get him and we leave. Hurry, before the obviously superior human race will get their tanks and just kills them all."
They grabbed him under the arms and dragged him off, starting soon enough to smile at each other.
"Good that you were here! What got you out?"
"Well, I heard of the communist-animalist-revolution and just knew you did something stupid. I'm impressed! How did you do that?"
"I was... bored?"
"Old Sport, you goddam MADMAN!" With one head he reached out and ruffled his friend's hair. "But stop with the communist bullshit. If animals will ever have a government of their own, they'll ALL be capitalists... even if some of them might believe something else."
Shaking his head, but still chuckling the Orange Guy shook his head. "Fine, no more communism. But didn't you said that you hate the corporate greed, especially in Phone Guy?"
"I hate both and want it to destroy each other. The only problem about communism is, so much I learned, that you can't do as much. So, capitalism all the way."
Finally they managed to drag the unconscious Guard up all the way into his apartment. Thankfully the door of fate was repaired and surely more beautiful than ever before and as they entered Dave nodded at the fine craftsmanship.
"How does he even has such a nice door?"
"Why are we still talking about this shitty door, I literally destroyed it as a joke! STOP!"
"Guess you shouldn't break shit for fun?" The Purple Guy laughed whole-heartedly at Old Sport's face. "You know I'm just teasing!"
"Time to go away now, Dave! I'm still in my totally amazing, cool, fun adventure that doesn't involve YOU!"
"The amount of salt you spew is amazing! Fine, fine, I'll be gone in a minute... just one question. Is it fun to spend time with Mike?"
"Well, yeah, he's pretty-"
"Better be careful. I can't promise his safety like that."
Slightly taken aback the Orange Guard raised his hands. "D00d, chill!"
There Dave's smile was back and he stretched. "Just wanted to make sure you ain't getting attached to such an insignificant piece of shit. Remember, it's orange and purple, not orange and swearing."
"Are you... alright?"
The purple one grabbed him and starting shaking him violently back and forth, his eyes glowing brightly. "NO! YOU CAME HERE AFTER SO MUCH TIME AND YOU AREN'T EVEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO ME! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?"
"Geez, I'm sorry... Fine, I'll... I'll visit you? Or better you come over to me, I'm not ready to visit your murder-dungeon. Just give me a bit time to clear the water with Mike. You have to admit that it's going to be a benefit to befriend him."
Slightly insulted Dave left. "I expect you at six."
"Do you have the surprise ready at least?"
"....... Not now. I'll show you eventually."
At least he had the decency to appear slightly guilty. After he closed the super-awesome, totally irrelevant door, Old Sport sat down on the bed, next to the unconscious body. It took about half an hour until he woke back up, groaning. "What the fuck happened?"
"We killed half the politicians in the city."
"FUCK, WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? Ah..." Mike had jumped up, but wasn't strong enough to stay up for too long and sunk back down. "Did you just literally made me a mass murderer in the span of less than a day?"
"Welcome to the family of Freddy's!"
"I'll most likely go to prison and you say that?"
"What are you talking about? The animals had taken care of the human technology before we even arrived."
"Wait, if everything happened, does that mean animals are far more-"
"PSHHH... Mike, don't. Logic is far too dangerous for this fragile reality. We could shatter at every minute! By the way, if it helps, you only killed politicians. They are the most generic villain and no one will judge you for it."
"I... enough, leave."
"C'mon, it was at least fun, wasn't it?"
The Guard stared intensely at the oddity. Of all the pointless rage and anger he had boiling at all time under his skin, he couldn't find some to throw at him.
But he was obligated to give at least a creepy remark. Slowly he sat up and leaned close. "Yes. It was great. Next time I'm killing someone, it's gonna be you."
"Ah, why making such a big deal out of it?"
"Do you think it's a joke? Killing humans?"
"Doesn't everyone at Freddy's? Alright, I'm sorry for the HORRIBLE day, I won't bother you again."
Seeing the before so optimistic guy this hurt made him slightly differ from his previous plan. This asshole was actually pretending to not care about what happened. A well-dosed portion of sarcasm would save the situation. "You know what? Fucking hell, if the police doesn't come to arrest us before tomorrow evening, I'll treat you to dinner."
"What, really?"
"I hope you like some Steak."
To Mike's surprise the smile of this co-worker widened. "Finally you got it, the true spirit of Freddy's. You were making a sarcastic comment, right? Can I still get something from you if you won't get arrested?"
"Depends...?"
"PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE ME A BOX OF RAISINS! I NEVER GOT ONE BEFORE!"
Confused he stared at the weirdo, at the ceiling and afterwards once more at the weirdo. "Fuck it, why not."
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
"BUT! Only if you keep your mouth shut. Don't you ever tell PG what happened today."
"Triple YAY! Secrets, raisins and Mike getting some chill!"
"Now FUCK OFF before I throw you out of my window."
"See ya tomorrow, Mike! Oh, before I go, why did the ghost never leave the cursed pizzeria chain?"
"Wait, what the fuck?!"
"Because they had NO BODY TO GO WITH!"
Before he could attack or at least ask any questions, the man was rushing down the many stairs, giggling.
Well, that wasn't remotely weird or anything. Nah, nothing but paranoia here. The joke was bad after all, so maybe he tried to distract him with this. Or not, WHO THE FUCK CARES. Nothing was real anyway.
And as if it only waited for the world to get weirder, the air pressure began to rise and since he knew what to expect, he forced himself up to shut the blinds.
Yep, there they were, more active than this morning.
"Why did you leave us?!?" The small Toy-Chica tugged on his jacket.
"I guess he has BETTER things to do than saving souls!" As always the Foxy was snarling.
"G-give him space everyone, I'm sure he has a good explanation."
"Right! He was checking out how to best kill our killer! That's why, right?"
Irritated Mike shook his head. "I was living my life, alright? I mean, I can't fucking guarantee you're actually real, so I can't afford listening to you. While we're at this, IF you are ghost, why didn't you simply came along?"
They didn't answer and turned away.
"Honesty is step number one. What the fuck is wrong?"
"We were afraid."
"It was HIM."
"He turned on us!"
"He watched us die."
"We were dumb, but he was cruel."
"He isn't human."
"He is a monster."
Now it was Mike's turn to turn quiet.
Okay.
As much was to be expected, right? The first person who appeared chill, turned out to be a maybe, kinda, probable child murderer. Him being the friend of Vincent should have given that away before though. That was if ghosts were real, but at this point it wasn't that unlikely.
"Good, fine, great, let's cut to the chase. What the fuck do you need from me and why is it even me?"
"You can hear us!"
"You can see us!"
"You can help us!"
"You can save us!"
"You're f-fucking guilty of ripping us apart! Of course you're the one who has to do the dirty work!"
With an eyebrow raised Mike turned towards Toy-Foxy. "Did you say fuck?"
"Y-yeah! The f-f-fuck are you going to do about that?"
"Teach you something! Do even fucking know how the fuck you fucking use the word fuck, you fuck?" All the kids stared at him. "Thought that much."
Mike slowly leaned back onto the bed. "Okay, I get it. What am I supposed to do to "save" you? Little spoiler, I won't go around killing off everyone you see as the murderer."
"We... we don't know what we need to go."
"I do!" The Chicken jumped up. "You need to go onto your boss's computer and delete a folder. It's called PRON."
"PRON?!"
"He has... bad picture of me on there and it drives me crazy! SO disgusting!"
"WHAT?"
"Just search for it, you'll see what I mean. But it'd be probably better for your soul to NOT know what's on there."
Well, here it was. He would ask Phone Guy to delete the folder and if PG reacted as if he knew what he was talking about, this shit was real, if not he would just take his pills.
Silently he stared at the ghosts and the ghosts stared back.
This was getting awkward.
"Alright, I'll do it."
The ghost leaned back a bit, but didn't stopped looking at him.
"... I promise?"
They nodded, but STARED.
"Take a fucking hint and leave now!"
"We... can't really."
"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm stuck with you?!"
"Suck it up, you- y-you BABY!"
"I HAVE NOW FIVE CHILDREN?!"
"Wouldn't call it like that..." But, as always, the children weren't really on the same page.
"YES, WE CAN CALL YOU DAD!"
"FUCK NO!"
They swarmed around him jumping and tugging on him. "If you're our dad now, can you tell Chica to stop stealing my bowtie?"
"Maybe I just wanna wear a bowtie?! You can wear my stuff whenever you want!"
"But I never wanted to! Stop stealing my things!"
"Dad, tell him I can borrow his stuff as long as I give it back!"
"I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING DAD, I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAMES, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"
It went quite in an instant and the children looked up to him, probably scared. For fuck's sake, don't let them get you.
Slowly they stepped away and turned to face other directions.
... Shit.
"For fucking hell, I- How about you tell me your names first?"
"Why should we?! So you can better SCREAM at us?!"
"FUCK, sorry, I'm just not a family-person. It's not as if you were any help for me to stay calm."
"Yeah, you s-stupid a-asshole! Better apologize!"
"Better tell me your fucking name before I lose my cool."
"F-freaking! Stop threatening us!"
Mike sighed and asked himself what he was expecting. Tired he left for his bed, not even caring about the time of day. The only thing that stopped him was the silent murmuring of the trashpile-ghost.
"If you want to fucking say something then SPIT IT OUT."
"MY NAME! It's... my name... is... Suzy."
He wasn't sure what to answer, but thankfully the other ghost stared to pick up the conversation. Toy Freddy stepped forward and made a slight bow. "My name is Gary."
"I'm Richie, nice to finally be able to talk with you." The Bonnie-masked boy nodded.
"My name is Sally! And you better not have hidden anything weird around here, because I'll find it and shame you!" The Chica huffed and would have probably shown her tongue if the mask weren't in the way.
With his probably trade-marked stupid laugh, the Balloon Boy played a bit with his mask. "I'm... Thomas. Sorry for annoying you so much."
"Hell, can you wear nametags or something, because I probably won't ever remember these shitty names."
"You could at least try. How about you learn right now?"
They ordered themselves in a line.
"Are you honestly serious?"
Filled with expectation they stared at him.
"Alright... We have two girls, Sally and Suzy, right? Sally is sounds like trash, so it's Mangle."
"EXCUSE ME?!" Insulted the Toy-Chica jumped up.
"Oh, right, whoever decides to use a z in their name is the true trash. I can remember that; z in name, trash in game."
They both shook their heads, but surprisingly kept quiet about their complaints.
"Next up are the boys. Tom, Richard and Gary, right? So, Richard sounds gay as shit, so it's Toy-Bonnie. Gary sounds like an asshole and Tom sounds boring as fuck, so it's Balloon Boy and Toy-Freddy."
"No...? And it's actually Thomas..."
"Okay, the bear is Gary, has the same amount of syllables and Tom has an o in his name, so does Balloon Boy, Balloon Boy has three o's, not unlike a triangle with three sides, the name Tom brings one more singled out point into it, like a circle inside of a triangle, which makes him a member of the illuminati-"
"Are you still here?"
"What?! Oh, yeah, sorry. One more time. Suzy is Z is Trash, Sally is the other bitch, Tom is illuminati, Richard is a homo and Gary... is uninteresting like his counterpart."
Slowly Richard leaned towards Gary. "Are you sure we shouldn't just ask someone else? Still kill him like Toy-Foxy said?"
"You kids know I can hear you, right?"
"You can't blame me for asking, right?"
Mike shook his head, rather annoyed with this amount of human contact. Quickly he reopened the blinds and snatched a book.
"Mike, you read?!"
"Well, I can't afford a TV or a laptop."
"How poor are you?!"
"I work at Freddy's."
"Can you read for us?!"
"No?"
"Please!"
"Yes, come on, we behaved, didn't we?"
"Can we make an interactive story?!"
"I hate those!
"What book are you reading? Have you the story about Alice here?"
The Guard was really not made for children. "Listen up you little shits, I'm reading a story about a man who hunts the killer of his wife and children, who were brutally murdered and the man still to the day blames himself for having left them in a fit of rage. After half of the book it turns out that he might is the killer himself and has a condition that potentially splits his personality, explaining how the killer came into the house that easy and why there was never a sign of struggle around the house. He forces himself to confront his past and mind, to finally learn to accept what is real and what not."
Toy-Foxy tilted her head. "Sounds like the story of your life."
But before he could even say anything, Toy-Chica weighed in. "What are you saying? That would mean that someone was willing to MARRY him!"
All of them laughed.
Fucking failed abortions.
"I'd be careful if I were you. I could take my medicine at any time and you would be gone."
"Pff, Mikey is a crybaby!"
"Mike hides because he can't take a joke!"
"Mike is a loser!"
"Well, at least I'm not stupid enough to get myself kidnapped and killed inside of a fucking children restaurant!"
Toy... Gary was clearly uncomfortable. "Please Mike, be so nice and read us the story, we didn't have that... in a really long time. Don't be angry at us..."
Slowly the oldest one in the room wandered towards his nightstand and took a long good look at his bottle of pills. A yellow plaque warned to read the different papers that came with the box.
Slightly shrugging he put the bottle back down and sat on the bed. "If ANYONE complains while I'm reading, I'll instantly stop and ignore you assholes for the rest of the evening." Slipping the bookmark out of its previous spot he turned back to the first page.
"Everything in his mind was filled with blood. All he could comprehend was blood. Blood on the ground, blood on the ceiling, blood on the walls, blood on the lifeless body of his gentle wife..."

It was a while after the children went quieter than before, as Mike shortly paused to take a look at them. They were all cuddling against each other, breathing slow and steadily.
Why ghost were sleeping was a mystery on its own, but it was at least something positive, so he decided not to nitpick for once. He turned the pages back to the start of the chapter and left the bookmark there.
It wasn't too late now, so...
Pondering he grabbed his cellphone, asking himself if he should call the Phone. Was it too much? He wasn't forced to...
With a sigh he dialed the number and wasn't even surprised as the call was accepted before the first signal. It was amazing what was possible with a Phone-head.
"Hey, PG."
"O-oh it's you! Gosh, I'm so glad you called, I've heard HORRIBLE things today, something about animals trying to overthrow the government and killing people and I was worried you were maybe in trouble and I wanted to check on you, but I wasn't sure if you were okay with me just coming over like that, I didn't want to annoy you, I of course know that you can take care of yourself, but I just-"
Christ, talking about too much.
"Do I look like a person that goes outside to you?"
"Yes- I mean, I don't know, you never talk about your spare time!"
"I'm fine. I would really prefer if you would call me before you visited me though."
"I would never dream of simply chime in, don't worry." A short pause ensued, the next words seemed carefully picked. "I'm glad you weren't in any danger today. What were you doing?"
Oh, I wasn't in any danger, because I was the leader of the dangerous group, they could be probably classed as terrorist, together with the Guy you seemed scared as shit of yesterday, as well as reading for some children that died in our restaurant, promising them to help, even though I don't even know if they are real.
"Literally nothing. It feels like Freddy's swallowed my mind and I can't really enjoy myself anywhere else. If you can call working inside a house of madness "enjoying myself"..."
Phone Guy had equal parts of worry and sympathy in his voice. "I know what you mean. It's creepy, isn't it? But... let's not drift into the depressing topics."
"I'm convinced, no matter what we would talk about, it'd become depressing."
"Come on, I'm not that bad at conservations, am I?!"
Mike couldn't help but slightly smile at that statement. Whenever PG showed that he was just as incompetent and insecure as everyone else, it had something special about it.
"You're terrible. But don't worry, it's kinda your charm."
"C-charm? Didn't know you knew words to p-positively describe someone!"
"Ah, shut it you piece of scrap metal."
"At least you can turn scrap metal useful again, an asshole stays an asshole!"
"Sure about that?"
"Try to prove me wrong, Mike!" Both chuckled a little. "You sound a lot more relaxed then on the day we first met. I'm glad."
"Stop getting all mushy on me, Phone. I'm probably just sick." The words were harsh, but said with a smile.
"Well, I guess there are actually some sicknesses that can help you! Now I sadly have to hang up, I have still a bit work to do. I will see you tomorrow."
"Should I come in early?"
"Heck! I found out who infected you! Apparently you caught a serious case of "Jeremy". I hope it isn't lethal."
"You can't kill something that is already dead... at least on the inside."
"Mike... I'd be rather swell if you would be early. But if you want to rather sleep, it's fine."
"I'll try my best. Have a good night tinfoil-head!"
"I hope you wake up well rested, saltman!"

------------------------------------------

A/N:

So... is it fine? I'm trying to keep the people consistent and comprehensible, so even if they act unusual they still feel like the same character... Well, I shouldn't worry as long as you still have fun!
I hope you enjoyed! Have a nice day! x3