A Guard's life

Tips n Tricks on getting rid of the police*

A/N: *Not actually, please don't try this at home
First fucking chapter I finished on time in a while! I'm really happy about that one!
I hope it came out well, the ball is getting rolling, but I try to add enough fun fluff to still be enjoyable!
As always, comments and critique is welcome!

-

The good news?
The place had been allowed to remain open.
Honestly though, is that all that good?
Yeah, scratch that. Not only was the place open, but swarmed with police.
All in casual wear, of course, per Simon's request.
Mike wasn't quite sure how the guy managed to get the police to do so- probably something about the customers disrupting them out of curiosity or panic? He didn't care very much, mainly because he had bigger issues.
Two members of the police, an older, hard looking woman and a younger, nervous guy were sitting with him, asking about the night before.
Where he found the phone, a picture of Ethan and if he had seen him-
It was hard to keep his nerves together and not to instantly cuss them out.
"Well, I saw it lying around." His face was probably showing his tension and rage, but to his luck, there were people out there who always looked angry. Maybe the lady was one of them, because her stare could freeze blood. Then again, that could be part of her job. "It was lying on the small locker thingy or whatever the fuck it is in the east halls. Y'know, where it splits into three ways? On top of it there."
"Would you show us the footage of the cameras there?" Predictable request.
Mike knew better though. Those cameras were his damn life and he knew where what was placed. What he had also noticed is that there were certain paths you could take without being seen on there. It hadn't been a big surprise to be honest.
He pulled up the cameras and after a short bit of fumbling, since he wasn't quite as familiar as he probably should be with the system, he showed it to the two officers.
"Where exactly is the locker?"
"Off camera." Without any bigger reaction, Mike answered. "I can show you the place itself if you would want that."
They stared at each other, until the younger office coughed. "So- about Ethan Cross..."
"Yeah, now I see his face, I can tell that he wandered around in here sometimes. I saw him roaming, but I don't fucking know anything more about him. He once was here to investigate shit about the Toy animatronics, WAY back, but nowadays he seemed to be here for fun, he never tried to talk to me during his visits."
Again, the air was tense, but Mike wasn't bothered by it. Only slightly angered. "You have the fucking tapes, right? He should show up somewhere on there."
The woman almost barked her next words. "When did you see him last?"
"Fuck me, probably..." He tried to genuinely remember when he last time saw him roam the place. "... three... four days? Probably three, but there's a shitton of people coming in and out every day in a monotone way, things blur together eventually."
Both parties stared at each other for a moment.
Then the guy next to her leaned forward, a hint of desperation in his eyes. "We need to find him. He was wild about the Freddy case- we don't know what he might be up to, or if-"
"Stop." Mildly angry the other officer shut him up.
Mike shook his head. "I get it. I get it. If I knew anything, I'd fucking help. If he went crazy and disappeared to build a fucking bomb or something, I'd be in my best interest. But all I know is that the phone laid there, I took it into the office for safe-keeping, lost and fucking found and then someone calls me and the next thing happening is the police everyfuckwhere."
Again, a cold stare was exchanged, before the woman took a breath and gave him a sign. "Show us the spot you found the phone."
"Sure thing." Again, his face remained mostly on an annoyed expression.
Without hesitation he stood up and waited for them to follow, feeling some unfounded rage bubbling up inside of him. God, he needed to get away as soon as he could.
They walked out and instantly Mike saw the well-disguised police officers all around. Needless to say, they were trying to act far too normal to blend in with anyone around this place and were gathering quite a bit of attention by the curious customers, asking themselves how someone could talk so long about loving cheese pizza and furries.
Meanwhile, Old Sport and Dave in their bird costumes cawing and dancing went completely unnoticed.
Simon stood mortified around, watching the chaos, until he spotted the three leaving the office. Quickly he rushed over.
The officers nodded at him. "Ah, Mr. Cawthon. We wanted to talk to you too."
"Of course. How-" He broke off. "... are there any leads yet?"
"We will look over the tapes closer, right now we want to see where the phone has been left."
"Ah." Helpless Phoney looked at Mike, who stared back with aggression. "Yeah, uh- that's good, that will help. Uhm- so-"
The silence was awkward, made even worse by the officers being deeply interested as to what he was about to say.
Mike decided to relieve him a bit. "The three-way corridor. We're going there."
The rotary of the headguard clicked and he slowly nodded. "Should I, uh...?"
Another pause followed, before Phoney just coughed and turned to leave. "I'll be here for questions after you are done with my employee..."
As soon as he didn't feel the eyes on his back anymore, he rushed over to where Old Sport and Dave were still busy dancing and cawing. Promptly he interrupted them, his words almost only a hiss, they were that quiet.
"Employeeeees!" Quickly he looked around, before returning to look at them. "What are you DOING?"
"Having a good time?" Old Sport looked at him with a smile. "Is something the matter?"
"T-The MATTER? Did you SEE the u-uh- POLICE?"
"Oh! That is what they are! I thought they were just weirdos. What do you want US to do about it?" To stress Old Sport words, Dave screeched in the background.
"We NEED to get them out of here. We, uh- we already had the police here once, it's on my record already- we need to get this sorted OUT employees!" Desperately he moved his hands around. "A-and don't forget, if the police is here, they will look into you too! Work with, uh- with me here, alright? I can't go off and create a distraction, they have their eyes on me. I CAN however- y'know, cover for you a bit?"
Both Dave and Old Sport paused to consider. They wouldn't get much out of it, but they could VAGUELY see where Simon was coming from.
Not to mention, the Orange Guy felt rather uncomfortable with being connected to that missing incident. Or have Baby connected to it.
So with a quiet scoff he nodded. "... you will owe us a big one for it though. And you still didn't told us what you expect us to do? We're NOT putting anything on fire today."
Surprised Phone Guy raised an eyebrow- well, as much as he could. "Why, uh- why not?"
"We did that LAST time. I'm not doing that one again! Give me something more... exciting! Or at least something quicker."
Dave chimed in cheerfully. "Not to mention, this time around, they'll probably know it's gonna be a distraction plan. Ain't all that slick to do the same thing twice! The fire department gonna take care of it, not really botherin' the folks here. Unless of course we actually cause a ruckus- bomb threat or takin' hostages. If we do THAT though, how will we get out of it?"
"Good point, Dave." Snipping at him, Old Sport nodded, while Phone Guy was once more baffled about how functioning Dave became when around his friend.
"Uh- alright- but what then? We need something that, uh- gets the police involved and is important beyond anything else going on here... and I suppose you're right, I can only cover you so much... I- I don't know! I don't know many illegal activities! Do you want to just throw drugs onto the streets?"
"Good idea, the toddlers might get us some... but..." Old Sport was still not satisfied. "... hm. We'll take care of it. Firstly, we could probably start a legal distraction in here that NOBODY can arrest us for."
Unnerved Simon swallowed. "Uh... go ahead...?"
Old Sport flashed him a bright grin and grabbed Dave's wrist to drag him off.
Not that it was necessary, the eggplant that pretended to be a human kept speed perfectly up with him. "We're gettin' the robots?"
"Yup! But mainly as a safety measure. I don't want them to get in trouble. We need to talk to Freddy and Foxy especially."
They called out a break and gathered the machines, as the crowds disappeared. Since it was easier and a lot more private, they were talking in the first room of Freddy's Funhouse, away from most of the people.
Ballora had tilted her head a little. "... what did you do this time for the police to show up?"
"Little mistake when tryin' to get rid of evidence, no worries!" Dave happily answered, before his expression turned a LITTLE more serious. "But that ain't important anyways. What IS, is that you guys gotta lay low today. No messin' with the police, that's my job. If you get in trouble, it won't be so easy to break you out, understood?"
Everyone nodded, except Foxy, who had gotten distracted by his own mirror image. When Old Sport tipped on the fox's shoulder, the creature yelped and jumped around, looking at him judgingly.
"Did you hear us, buddy?"
The Fox dropped down to the floor and looked at him.
"This is VERY important, Foxy. If we fail, the restaurant might close."
It wagged its tail.
Old Sport looked from the fox to Dave.
You know what, he would take that as agreement.
Turning back to the others, he continued Dave's announcement. "However... we still can use your help. Someone needs to distract the police. Thankfully, because they're all in normal clothes, you can just go up to them as a RANDOMLY CHOSEN customer and... shoo them around a bit, keep an eye on them and get them off-track. You can do that, right?"
Everyone nodded, aside from Baby who was staring off into nothingness.
"You hear me, Baby?" Slightly worried the Orange Guy stepped closer, making her snap up.
Her eyes flickered, then she smiled at him. "Excuse me...? I wasn't listening."
Frowning even more, the guy put a hand on her shoulder. "You noticed the police though, didn't you?"
"Yes, yes I did. I will be careful, I promise." Again her eyes wandered away from his face towards nothingness.
"Do you think you can help distracting them?" Kindly he inquired.
Seemingly uncomfortable she moved around. "Wouldn't that get us into even more trouble? Shouldn't we try to get them out right away?"
"If we could, we would. But we have to figure out how."
"Pull the fire alarm?" Quietly she proposed.
"That would work, but too shortly." Old Sport thought about. "... what we need... we need a distraction big enough so we can trash parts of this place without anyone noticing. They-"
"Trashing the place would only make this look more suspicious!"
"... damn. Alright. Okay, we need to give them something big, something over which one looney detective vanishing won't be such a big deal in comparison to it-" Shortly he paused, as Baby had started clicking. "... everything okay?"
"What? Yes- I'm trying to think." Shortly she laughed. "... maybe first we should-"
A loud "HEY" came from the back and all of them turned around. A VERY NORMAL dressed guy came up. "What are you doing with the robots?"
"Safety briefing." Old Sport said blankly. "Police is around, they are supposed to NOT BOTHER them."
"Step back, we might need to-"
But thankfully Freddy had taken the hint. "OOOOOOOOH HELLOOOOOO!"
Taken aback the officer stepped away at the volume coming from the bear.
Didn't stop him though. He stomped forward and picked him up. "HELLO GUEST-GUEST! NORMAL, H-HAHAH, NORMAL GUEST! ARE YOU HAVING A G-GOOD TIIIIIIIIIIIME?"
Distressed the man looked at the guards. "Get him off me!"
"Well, if you wouldn't have interrupted us... now you have to wait out his programming." Old Sport crossed his arms and suppressed a smile.
"A-and how long is that supposed to go on?" Struggling was meaningless.
"BIRTHDAY F-FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEND!" Rubbing his cheek against the human, he drowned out the snickering from the others.
Dave smiled. "Depends! If ya play along and are all happy, he might cut it shorter!"
The pained expression followed by the forced smile made them almost lose their shit. Sadly though, it was followed by him calling out for another officer.
Alright, this wouldn't be easy. Old Sport locked eyes with Baby, who gave him a slight nod. She was ready to take this one and give them the time they needed to leave-
Suddenly, the lights flickered, making everyone quiet down for a moment, before picking up talking again, the muttering filling the air.
"What was that?" One of them asked, and Dave raised an eyebrow at Old Sport.
His eyebrow went even higher when the other guy just shrugged.
Quickly they stepped out, hoping to see if something was going on in the corridor that would explain to them what exactly happened. That was, until Ballora coughed and quietly, but distinctly asked "... have you seen where Foxy went?"
Both the fruitloops stopped instantly.
"Oh no."
One of the cops coughed, probably struggling to breathe in Freddy's arms. "What is... that Foxy animatronic capable to do...?"
"Good question." Ballora mumbled.
Again the light flickered and fully went out, only leaving the arcade screens in the distance to glow and blink.
A mechanical humming joined and the group made their way to the main hall, hoping to do a bit of damage control. If Foxy went feral in the dark, they would have a LOT of issues with the damn police swarming. You can't kill them ALL, that would be a small little bit too obvious.
Unless they actually would fake all of their deaths... which would be a little complicated.
Not impossible, but-
Suddenly, drumrolls began playing loudly in the back.
An unknown, but rich voice sounded through the dark, booming over the drumrolls.
"LAAAAAAAAAADIES... AAAAAND... GEEEEEEEEENTLEMEEEEEEEEEEEN!"
Spotlights began wandering the place.
"WELCOME! WELCOME, WELCOME! TODAY WE HAVE PLANNED A SPECIAL EVENT FOR ALL OF YOU BEAUTIFUL GUESTS!"
The stage lit up, blinding everyone for a moment.
When OS eyes relaxed and he saw Foxy on the stage, he wasn't even surprised anymore, he was just wondering what the HELL had happened. "Dave, what did you do?"
"I didn't do anythin'!" More shocked than OS himself, Dave stared at the stage.
"You fixed his voicebox though-"
"I DIDN'T SPORTSY."
Both Baby and Ballora stared in mild awe- an expression harder to see on Ballora for obvious reasons, but still rather clear that neither of them did have a hand in it.
Baby spoke up first, only to make things worse. "Uh... has anyone seen Freddy...?"
The answer was drowned out by Foxy continuing without any intention to stop.
"FOR THAT, WE ASK YOUR HELP! WE NEED A FEW SHINING VOLUNTEERS THAT WE WILL PICK ON A COMPLETE WHIM! EVERYONE WHO IS STILL BREATHING CAN AND WILL BE COUNTED AS VOLUNTEERING!"
As the Fox snapped, the spotlights began picking out the police men and women with ease, even as they tried to run off. Somehow the light trapped them all.
As the announcer swayed his hips, the crowd just started cheering. Perhaps it had been recorded cheering beforehand, but now truly EVERYONE was on board. "MY LOVLIES! SEEMINGLY WE FOUND TODAYS HELPERS! BALLORA, BABY, BRING THEM UP FOR ME, WOULD YOU SWEETHEARTS?"
Dave seemed a bit distressed and shot Old Sport a look. "Is that our Funtime Foxy...?"
"I don't know! He has to be, right?" The Orange Guy made room for the other two. "I didn't even expect him being able to talk..."
"The kid used to talk a bit before- guess they-" No, there was no guessing. Dave has no idea. But he quickly lightened up. "We should join them, Sportsy! Lemme get my suit and-"
"Focus, Dave! We'll join them later, for now we need to come up with a plan!" It was hard to make himself heard in the chaos that was going on around them.
"ARE YOU PREPARED DEAR VOLUNTEERS? FOR MAGIC! ILLUSIONS!? FOR THE GREATEST SHOW EVER PUT ON STAGE!" Stomping on the ground of the stage to empathize his words, he received loud screaming and howling in return. "YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TRUST YOUR EYES EVER AGAIN!"
With deep fascination Dave kept staring at the animatronics who all had gathered on the stage. "Look at them! They're doin' fantastic!"
The unusual soft and genuinely happy expression on the Purple Guy's face distracted OS for a small moment. There was some idea he had for a split second, but now it had been pushed into the back of his mind, not wanting to disrupt the peace.
He had to though.
Shaking his head, he tried to get this weird emotion out of him.
Then it hit him, his idea from before.
Quickly he grabbed Dave and dragged him into the crowd, away from where the officers were kept hostage- I meant, kept as assistance.
"Dave, I know what we can do! That will certainly get their attention and keep it for a bit!" Somewhat excited he had grabbed his friend's arm, pulling him closer.
Fixating his big, glowing eyes on Old Sport's face, Dave waited for the reveal.
"You have still that... reputation of yours. It has gotten better with those insects, right?" His excitement subsided a bit as he saw Dave's discomfort, thankfully though he seemed to take it not THAT bad and simply nodded.
"It's clean in here. The scuttlers that live around these parts are far too big to crawl into anyone, and eatin' all other insects we might miss! And otherwise-"
"Yeah, and that's good- nobody else knows about it though. All the police knows is about a certain serial killer stabbing and emptying people on random, then disappearing and showing up again somewhere else. How did they call you?"
"Jekyll killer. First violent like an animal, then careful 'n calculated. For no reason seemingly... they have NO idea what I keep at bay." Having eased up, he leaned back. "I think I get where ya comin' from, Sporty. Havin' a killer resurface is probably more important than some loner goin' missin'."
"Exactly! I'm glad we agree here." Motivated Orange Guy nodded. "So, if we get a body discovered that is your typical calling card, we have a very good chance to get all of them to quickly forget about that nonsense. If we pick a guy, we COULD maybe pass him off as Ethan too."
"Unlikely. We would have to find someone who ain't missed, otherwise people will come look for him and recognize him- makin' people question again where the detective went. Fair amount of guys his age have wife and child. We should pick someone really unconnected. Young women always get lots of attention." Calm and calculated Dave weighed the options against each other.
For a moment Old Sport paused. For some reason it felt different than usual to commit murder. Usually it happened in the heat of the moment, or they would possess someone anyways and wouldn't just outright... vanish. Picked at random, with no real reason.
... the difference was probably that they never stepped a foot into Freddy's, never associated with it. A family ripped and torn, friends never seeing another for no reason at all, except to make it easy for themselves.
It didn't even take another second to forget about that though. "Alrighty! Now, where do we get our pick?"
"Probably the city! But firstly we gotta figure out how to get the body close and maybe frame someone else to send 'em on a goose chase." They had left the Freddy's by now and Dave was putting on a pair of gloves. "Get yourself some gloves, or don't touch anythin', ya hear? I think I have a plan."
"You THINK?" A bit teasingly Old Sport smiled and walked along, trying to keep up.
"Shut up, ya have NO idea what goes into schemes like these, you're still barely a criminal. You're like a little baby in terms of crime! Ya can't go off, kill a few kiddens and feel like a mastermind! I'm the pro here, don't cha forget that." Wrapping an arm around him, Dave showed him a toothy grin, before giving him a small head-butt and letting him go with a laugh. "Watch the master and be impressed!"
With that he dashed off, around the nearest corner, leaving Old Sport baffled for a second, before rushing after him. When he caught up again, Dave was tying his shoes, a random passerby was awkwardly holding a small spray bottle.
Quickly Dave jumped up again and took it back. "Thanks man, ya helped a fella out here!"
Poor guy looked rather uncomfortable as he nodded and passed them in a hurry.
"Neato. That's done. Now we gotta change the top n' color so he ain't snitching to the police that he had been givin' this by us. Maybe get some more fingerprints onto it. Give me a while for that, you go out and pick up someone for our cause."
Shortly Old Sport raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. He'd figure it out.
Before he could leave Dave called after him "DON'T FORGET A CAP AND GLOVES!"
"I won't!" He rolled his eyes.
One trip to the store-store where they sold stores later, he had what he needed and cracked a random car that he wouldn't miss after driving it into a lake. Though he wasn't sure about the owner. Oh well!
Driving around he was checking out the people passing him. Preferably someone alone, someone naive.
Or someone in a hurry.
Too bad it wasn't raining, he could play nice and offer a car ride.
Well, not everything could work out.
A while of pointless driving later he spotted some woman leaning against a wall, headphones in and blowing bubble gum.
Yeah, might as well try.
Old Sport stopped, got out of the car and approached her with a smile, the smile widening a bit as he spotted the fierce distrust in her eyes.
Despite that though, she took an earbud out. "... what do you want."
Shortly he coughed and got ready to summon the dark energy that always was growing inside of him.
He took a breath and began to do his black magic ritual.
"HIIIIII HUN! HEART EMOJI, HEART EMOJI, HEART EMOJI! I JUST SAW YOU STANDING THERE AND THOUGHT YOU, SIGN EMOJI, LOOK LOVELY, HEART EMOJI, DANCE EMOJI, TODAY. YOU LOOK, EYES EMOJI, LIKE SOMEONE WHO TAKES THEIR JOB, BRIEFCASE EMOJI, NECKTIE EMOJI, VERY SERIOUSLY. SOMEONE WHO LIKE TO LAUGH, LAUGHING EMOJI, CHAT, TALKING EMOJI, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY CONNECT, TWO GIRLS DANCING EMOJI, WITH OTHERS AND CHASE THEIR DREAM, STAR EMOJI, STAR EMOJI, ONE HUNDRED EMOJI. WOULD YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO THIS FIRE OPPORTUNITY, FIRE EMOJI AND MAKE REAL CASH, MONEY EMOJI, FROM YOUR PHONE-"
The whole word went dark.
When he woke up again he sat in the car, everything smelling like essential oils.
"... well, that was weird." As he looked behind himself he saw the woman passed out and tied up and gagged with some awful looking clothes. He almost felt bad, that was an awful way to spend your last few hours on earth. "... wow. Okay, that is done. Now, how the hell do I find Dave again?"
Summon the god of pyramid schemes twice a day was very dangerous, so he was on his own here.
He would figure it out, surely.
Thankfully, Dave made it easy on him. You don't have to find someone, if that someone jumps on your car's roof and screams like a sentient rubber ducky that just found out someone made porn of it.
Five minutes of trying to drift him off, mistaking him for an alien from the fifth dimension coming for his non-existent soul, later- they finally were done and ready to go.
Dave patted his head.
"Ya did not bad. For a beginner, I mean." Skillfully he dodged the head-butt revenge coming his way and put his feet up. "We'll get the body ready, get rid of the car and be back in time for the rest of the show, how does that sound?"
"How do we get them to discover the body close by without connecting it to Freddy's?"
"Why WOULD they connect it to Freddy's? We have car tracks drivin' to the place and away from it. It's be better with a bit of mud, sure, but I'm plenty sure they'll figure out they weren't close. We won't go in raising the alarm anyways. Just find a good back alley where we can dump the body and let it do its work!" Dave was rather cheerful about the situation. "We should worry more about our act on stage! Ya gonna put on the deadly fursuit?"
"I think I rather not."
"I'll do it though! I bet it will be great! Ya think we'll get away with some deadly trials, even if the police is there?"
With a non-descript shrug Old Sport kept driving. Who know what they would come back to anyways?
The party was fully going still.
Foxy had kept the audience in an iron grip with his charm and was not about to simply stop.
Everyone got a part and it constantly switch between completely silent aside from the music in the back to crazy loud cheering from every side during the acts. Poor police was completely drained at this point and looked like they desperately needed some water and maybe some chairs, but the animatronic wouldn't let them leave until he had taken every last bit of energy from them.
Baby stood by and tried her best to play her part as announcer and performer of a few magic tricks, but it was hard today.
Seeing all the police people filled her with a certain desperate emotion, so unfitting to the incredible happiness she was experiencing here on stage with everyone's eyes on her.
Quietly her eyes darted to the door during a little replaying scene of beauty and the beast (performed by the ever so collected Ballora and the way too excited Freddy), and she sighed a little. No, it would be okay.
Everything was okay.
Nobody in here would get hurt today.
Was that so much better?! Someone would get hurt out there. They left. They left together. That was never good news.
People outside of Freddy's weren't even really people, were they now? Bad things happened all the time, with or without them. There wasn't such a thing as justice.
Annoyed she clicked her faceplates, sending a small electronic shock through herself. That would fix it for a moment or two.
From the side she heard a giggle and saw Alice sitting as her small, smug self on Foxy's shoulder, staring at her.
Little shit.
As the audience shouted the commands for the interactive play, she considered leaving the stage for at least a moment- perhaps looking what the other guards were up to- but then decided against it. She was right here, where she belonged.
Slightly she moved closer to the very satisfied looking Foxy.
"I want to do the next act. How does a bit of karaoke sound?"
"Perfect, Baby! It will also give me the chance to get the sharks ready! They need their bows!"
Not worth questioning, not in a million years.
When the audience broke out into applause, Baby got ready and picked two songs she would play for them.
A wide smile was on her face as she stepped forward. "Wasn't that nice? A huge thank you to Ballora and Freddy! But now we would like some audience participation! We will have a little karaoke match! May I ask two people to step up?"
There was huge movement, before a little kid with their parent emerged.
"Thank you! Applause for our two friends here! Now, the rules are easy- one line is sung by me, one by you. We will play two songs, so each of you can have a turn singing! Now, here is the really treat: The audience can sing along with you for extra points! The loud and more accurate you all manage to sing together, the more points the line will get you! Good- are you READY?"
Excited the kid nodded and Baby smiled to herself as she began.
While standing on the stage she felt alive.
Wouldn't need to feel that way, if she actually were-
Again she scoffed, almost missing her cue. These thoughts were getting rather obnoxious. Maybe she should try and talk to her dads about it.
... not to mention she never really felt alive back in the day either. The point was meaningless.
It was finally quiet for a moment in her head and she could get back into her singing fully. Letting it vibrate through her core, without fearing and all she could see when looking up was glitter and stage lights, like a night sky full of stars.
The kid was doing very well, the parent was a bit too awkward though. Still, the audience managed to get the win for them and everyone cheered.
Satisfied Baby stepped back, looking into the seemingly million eyes staring at her with admiration and joy.
Turning to Foxy she awaited her next cue and didn't have to wait too long. "WHAT A WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE! EVERY BIT AS BREATHTAKING AS EXPECTED! OUR TWO STARS, YOU DID GREAT! And better luck to you, Baby, next time! Our audience was just TOO passionate, we have to give them that~!"
Swaying the hips as he walked up to the front of the stage, he twirled and signed into the crowd. "But we will NOT be outshined, my beauties! Our next performance is guaranteed to steal your breath! Only today at Circus Baby's Pizza World, we present-"
Suddenly a loud sound played, then nefarious sounding music followed as the animatronics looked around surprised.
A very distinct New Yorker accent was to be heard as two golden bunny ears showed up from the left of the stage.
"Who's this?"
Before anything could be said, the same pair of ears vanished and reappeared on the other side of the stage, peeking out, before disappearing again.
"Who's that?"
Out from behind a small podium meant for direct stage control, the ears rose, together with two hands pointing at them.
"What kind of villain could interrupt such a good show? Whose ears are these?!"
The kids were going nuts, screaming.
SPRING-BON-NIE!
SPRING-BON-NIE!
A mischievous tune played as Dave jumped from behind the little obstacle, his springlocks clicking, but being ignored.
"IT IS I! THE LEGENDARY SPRINGBONNIE! THE MASTER-TRICKSTER! ARE YA SCARED YET!?"
A loud NO was the answer, making him pretend to be shocked.
"OH NO? NOT YET? How can that be?! What brave folk we have here today! No matter though, ya will be tricked all the same!" Laughing loudly he walked into the middle of the stage, past the others. "IMMA MAKE YA NOT TRUST YOUR OWN HANDS TODAY! Ya heard me! Open them up right now! THERE WILL BE PIZZA VOUCHERS!"
A big sound of surprise as some actually suddenly had some in their hands.
SpringBonnie was already further though.
"BUT! IF YA READ IT! YOU WILL SEE: IT IS ONLY TO BE CASHED IN STARTING TOMORROW! SO YA GOTTA COME BACK AGAIN FOR THIS BENEFIT! ANOTHER NEFERIOUS SCHEME BY SPRINGBONNIE!"
Opening his arms he accepted booing and cheering all the same.
"Now, for my SECOND PERFECT SCHEME! I will take one of these characters! I WILL KIDNAP YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER! WHO MAY IT BE? TELL ME! Only I can be the favorite here!"
The calls were plenty, so Dave simply got out a rope and took Funtime Foxy, who made a distressed noise.
"Oh no! He took me! Children, don't let that happen! Quick, come up and take the rope from him!"
The children flood that came onto the stage was immense and after a round of tug of war, which the children of course won (but not easily, to Dave's pride), the tables turned.
Now armed with a rope they began running around Springbonnie, wrapping his legs up. Dave held his arms up to not get them caught too, but played his part.
"HOW DARE YA! WITH MY OWN ROPE! NO! THIS CAN'T BE! IS THIS THE END OF THE LEGENDARY SPRINGBONNIE!?"
"Not so fast!" From the ceiling a call was heard and Old Sport came into everyone's view, his fall slowed by a bunch of balloons that he let pop to fall onto the stage with elegance. "I am here! AND READY TO SERVE JUSTICE!"
"Please! Help me! I am an innocent bunny attacked by a bunch of rabid kiddens! I didn't do nothin' wrong!" With his best puppy- actually, bunny-eyes, he looked at Old Sport, his grin glowing from behind the mask.
"Is that so? Now, what notorious evildoers we have around here!" It was hard not to laugh at how hurt and enraged the kids looked. "You better not let me get you!"
Hunting after them, he gave Dave a bit time to show off his next bit.
"What a FOOL! I am free once more! And for my next scheme-"
Time passed quickly like this, to a point they almost forgot why they were pulling this stunt... until the officers received a message and hastily left to talk to the one in command- then after they said something to Phoney, the whole group disappeared out of the door.
It was soon time to close anyhow, the performance ended and a lot of tired, but happy children clung to their parents on their way out.
Dave looked over them and said goodbye to each of them, complementing the ones that were in the show.
"Ya need to come and visit me next time you're here! Bet'cha we make a great team you 'n I!"
The kid giggled and the parents smiled, also plenty exhausted obviously.
Not long after he went into the saferoom, taking off the suit, still grinning like mad, even if he was sweaty and stinky as hell. Good thing that he had all the access in the world to Sportsy's shower.
Phoney's cough made him almost jump. "What'cha want NOW?"
Nervous the man stepped back "Oh, I- just wanted to thank you. You did really well today. With the distraction AND the show. Uh..."
"This place is mine too. If it shuts down, where do I put my poor babies?" Somewhat Dave shrugged. "And I'll be gettin' what I'm owed from ya. Don't 'cha worry."
"That, uh... was rather ominous." Unhappy Phoney nodded.
The sudden flip in Dave's expression didn't make it better. "Aw, what am I sayin'- you're part of the family, pal! Don't give me that look! Won't ever ask anythin' outrageous from ya."
"I, uh- that's nice, thank you Dave... again..." He didn't quite believe it.
A steady stream of customers was still leaving, now accompanied by Nemo, who bored waved at them.
"Bye, bye, and don't come back, your crotch-goblins are not our responsibility, no I DON'T know where your jacket is, for the fifties time-"
And so on and so forth, until someone passed him who shouldn't.
Quickly he grabbed them and tugged them out.
Baby looked startled, clutching the stolen jacket she had taken to pass easier as human. Then she smiled. "Hah! You caught me! I just-"
"Where did you two think you were going?" Nemo made a bubble of gum and let it pop.
"... uh... two?" Her smile turned confused, but stayed in place.
"I'd recognize two souls in one body like I'd recognize my own mirror image." Stepping back a bit, he allowed them to step away from the stream of people a little more.
Her eyes flickered and a distinctly male voice echoed from the unmoving mouth. "How did you- what ARE you?!"
"I'm None Of Your Business, nice to meet you. Can't say I'm surprised. Well, maybe a little. Sticking around after your expiring date without invitation? What bad manners, no undead would be proud of you." Leaning against the wall he looked them up and down. "And then harassing a poor girl like that."
"I- I didn't MEAN to. You don't understand, MY DAUGHTER, SHE'S-"
"SH." Baby's eyes were lit again and she shook her head, then her expression turned pleading. "He's not shutting up about it. Please, we only want to look for her to calm him down a little."
"Tough luck, she's not with the Phone anymore." Before the man could erupt like he seemed ready to, he continued. "But I know where she is."
"WHERE!? TELL ME, TELL ME, I NEED TO-"
"SHHH." This time it came from two sources. Nemo continued, checking their surroundings beforehand. "You two can't just frolic out there on your own. You CAN however... come with me. For checkups 'n shit, or whatever, you know how it is."
Desperately the guy nodded, making Baby shake her head to get the feeling off. "Yes, PLEASE. I beg, BEG of you, she's- I can't leave her again-"
"Yeah, yeah." Again he checked, than shrugged. "Follow me."
Quickly they made their move and left.
Ethan was quiet for a moment.
'I'm sorry, Baby.'
"Stop with that, I heard enough of it." Almost completely silently she answered. "It's not your fault anyways. Not really."
'I need to see her again.'
"I know. And I don't mind going out, it's exciting. Please, stop with it."
The spirit attached to the big robot sighed, deep sadness flowing through him. 'I don't understand how you can defend him. He broke us. He broke you. What could have happened to you during life that you prefer THIS?'
"You underestimate how much fun it is to be a robot. But really, shut up now, I'm already doing you a favor. If we free her, you will leave with her, right? So let's get started on that." She rolled her eyes.
It was hard to believe that she ended up doing that stupid Puppet's job anyways.
Nobody noticed how they left.
The guards were too busy standing around trying to calm their nerves- all expect Jerry of course.
"This had been great! Dave was amazing! And the show was SOOO long- god, I wanted to go on the stage, but too many people ordered..." Jumping around on the spot his face was a swirl from all the chaos today. "Do you think we will do something like this again?!"
Mike scoffed. "I sure fucking hope not or I will fucking explode on stage."
"Aw, I bet you would have found it fun if you would have played along! Or was it too loud?" Worried the boy gently touched his co-worker's arm, smiling a bit as he wasn't shaken off. "I could bring you some earmuffs next time if you'd like that!"
A female voice joined their conversation. "Excuse me, you two?"
Instantly all of Mike's hair stood up. Retail had given him an instant fight or flight trigger for these words. "Fuck off."
"Mike!" Jeremy was shocked. "P-please, don't listen to him! He had a hard day. How may we help you?"
The women standing there was smiling, her eyes hidden behind shades and her blond hair up a semi-professional style. She was wearing a suit, and a thin scarf.
Everything about her made Mike panic. Something wasn't right.
Her voice was pleasant though. "Oh, no worries, I have taken worse. I just really wanted to congratulate on the amazing show today! It was quite impressive I must say. It isn't hard to see why you are so successful."
"Are you a Candy's spy?" Mike slimmed his eyes. Simon's paranoia had gotten to him.
But she just laughed. "Oh no, I'm not, no worries. I am actually here for your boss. May you get Scott for me? I cannot seem to reach him right now."
Al the warning sirens went off in the larger Guard's mind and before Jeremy could say anything he stepped forward. "He's- out at the time. If you need something, I can fucking help well enough."
"I doubt that." Again her smiled stayed in place. "Especially since he is just coming up."
And to Mike's horror she was right.
Poor Simon had left the saferoom and frozen up as he saw her, before rushing over. "Oh, uh- Miss-"
"Juliette." Slightly she tilted her head. "Scott! It is so good to see you."
"... phone guy is just fine-"
"Oh, but why so formal, Scott?" Stepping closer she offered her hand and shook his. "I have come to ask you a few questions. Firstly, how did manage to attract the police again? Two times more than a Phone Guy is allowed to?"
"Uh-" The guy sputtered. "I- I didn't- we have everything under control-"
"Secondly," she continued, her smile turning colder with her voice. "Why did you not report to us that your head is acting up?"
"I-"
"Well, no worries my dear Scott. You are well overdue for an update anyways. You earned it."

-

A/N:
Psssst- you liked Dayshift, but would like it to be explored under a different set-up?
With a really similar cast to here, except Fritz is there too?
Like the thought of everything being staged and playing with the script and demands of a game?
Wanna see some Purple Guy and Phone Guy getting along swell, with "Dave" being more his flipside self?
WELL THE BUDDY I GOT THE FIC FOR YOU!
A complete sweetheart wrote this (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19941301/chapters/47217580 ) and I beg you to check it out. It has neat theories and a plot that takes the plot of dayshift and RUNS with it, never to be seen again. I think it's a great fic from what I've read so far, so I'd love to promote it to anyone who thinks this sounds remotely interesting!