Heartbreaks that changed my life

Just Her

I don't know. My fingers become numb. I don't know with how much of feeling I am revisiting Khushi's life in the shortest way that I had been a part of. At times, my eyes get wet. But my fingers stop the flow of emotions there. I just pray that wherever she is, she be blessed and kept at soulful peace. I just randomly get these feelings when I think of her or write of her.

Well I guess you read those lengthy lectures of our encounter. But after there were so many incidents of her that cherised the bond between us. So including her and my friends Sharath and Jugal we were 4 happy friends always for each other. I had often seen with Sharath or Jugal or her friends. But I was not at an age to misunderstand any relationship like the way today's society sees of. She was part of my friends and a very big part of my best friends. Whenever she was down, more than her friends it was either Sharath or Jugal or me with her. So did we be with her happiness. She was such a good friend that we three never gave up on. We learnt that the guy in khaki was a her caretaker. Her parents were a business couple who found it very difficult to give time for their only daughter. For this they had hired a trusted caretaker who was supposed to be there for her from the time she left for school and she left school for home. He looked like a very harsh alcoholic guy. His eyes were red. I don't know about this guy more. Khushi had forbidden us to speak about him. We understood that she felt uncomfortable with her and whenever she was with him, she was afraid to open her mouth. I remember us cracking jokes in the lunch hour asking her whether to send a gang of rowdies and beat up this caretacker. But she was very soft at heart. She just told us one thing about him. I don't remember much of it. But here's what I remember. "Never boys! Never will we speak of uncle like that. Even my parents who put him to job, don't know anything about his family. He just works for us. And mainly for his family. Who knows what kind of life he is living?. Good or Bad?. Just don't take up his topic and don't come in front of his eyes." For a girl who approached me with bold words and a girl who knew to respect elders there was lot of difference. But that is what made her, her.

6th std she joined us. Gave us a wonderful year. We passed on to 7th std. We were all grown up physically and mentally a teeny weeny bit. There was a very sad thing about this 7th std. This year of the 7th std never went good for anyone. Not even for anyone in the 4 friends. The sad part came at the beginning when we came to know that Jugal had changed school. His parents were transferred to Pune city. We missed him a lot. He was the Shahrukh Khan of our class because he used to act like him. Uttermost perfect acting. We missed him very badly. And 7th gave us enemies also. All the students of 7th std were shuffled into different classes. And so was our Khushi. Me and Sharath were put in E section and she was put in B section. The environment of an entire classroom had changed very badly. In her class most of them were studious criminals. Many of them with cunning ideas. I know that I should not refer to students as criminals. But that was the case at that time. Me and Sharath, we knew that she would really feel lonely and sad without us. For the next two to three days, she had became a crying doll. Near our school, we had lot of steel and wood industries which looked like bhoot bungalows from the outside. And behind all these industries, we had an open place with lot of tap water and partially cemented flooring where workers used to have lunch and go. The workers either used to come at 02pm or later and they never bothered about students spending time in those places. Lest we were not allowed inside the factories. We had seniors who used to come to this place as couples and spend their time in romance after 03:30pm or 4:00pm. I remember most of the time when me, Jugal and Khushi used to have our lunch at these places. Sharath's home was near the school. He used to go home, have lunch and come. He was the one who showed us all these places. We could not see this girl crying and becoming pale without us. So I discussed with Sharath and somehow managed to get her to the lunch adda. But, again there was one more problem. If Sharath missed lunch at home, his dad used to come running to school in search of him. So, he suggested me that I take her to the lunch adda and give her some time. I was hesitant at first because it was only me and her now. I felt shy. But it was Sharath who made things right for us. I don't know what he went and told her. As soon as the lunch bell rang, she came running with her lunch box and she screamed "Lo bega baro. Oota mugskondu barana. Eega barthiya ilva? Nange nina hatra thumba mathadbeku. Baro please." Her words meant "Come fast na. Let's finish our lunch and come back. Now will you come or not? I need to speak to you so much. Please come na". Even after many years of her passing away, some moments, her feelings don't change that fast. We were part of different worlds. But when we were together, we were part of the same world. A world of friendship and love. That day when she called me for lunch with her was the last lunch that I had with her. She was not feeling good to eat. I don't know what was making her not to eat. Seeing her not eat, even I didn't feel good to eat. I asked her if she wanted to eat anything outside. But she refused. I don't know how we both had lunch that afternoon. I feel that it has not digested yet. We closed our tiffin boxes with the food still inside going waste. We had 15 minutes to head back inside the school gate. I didn't know what would happen next. She just grabbed my palm, placed hers in mine. She came closer. I was afraid and my fingers started shivering even with hers in mine. But she didn't mind all that. I could see her eyes and nose getting wet. In silence, tears ran down her cheeks. Except for my sister or mom I had never felt the "sadness for sadness" feeling for any girl or woman. But at that moment, I was blank and out of words and feelings. I didn't know how to react. I had been with her at times when she was down. But here, even though I was with her in a physical sense, I was entirely absent through the soul. Somehow managing my feelings, my fingers touched her cheeks for one last time to wipe her tears. My eyes are getting wet as I type all these. I consoled her and asked "Eevaga yake inge altha idiya?" which means "now why are you crying like this?". I didn't expect such a silent and sharp answer from her. Sobbing, she replied back "nanu ninge ondu heldre, bejar madkolala thane. nan mele kopa madkolala thane. promise?" Which means "If I tell you something now, please don't feel bad. please don't get angry on me. promise." And me not knowing what and how to react I shot back "It's ok". With both the eyes filled with tears and stammering lips the words came out of her mouth "Iam sorry Robi... We can't be friends anymore... Please don't ask why... Please don't tell this to Sharath. He will feel bad... Iam so sorry..." And she continued crying. Believe it or not, in 15 mins it took 10 mins to come up to this conversation. Those words pierced my heart like a sword. And I was left mouth shut in such a way that I could not let out my pain. My eyes became wet. She said "Don't cry!! Don't cry! I can't see you cry!" I was numb. With all that pain I replied back "Parvagila bidu. nanu idella sharathge helala. nin mele nange yaava kopanu illa. neenu modalu alodna nilsu. nangenu alu bartha ide. neenu yenu bejar madkobeda. nanu yavathu nin jothene irthini. ninge bedkothini. ninge yenadru sahaya bekandre, nanu yavaglu irthini. iga naavu school gate ge hogoke 10 mins aguthe. hordana ba". What I meant by those words are " It's ok. I won't tell all these to Sharath. Iam not angry on you. And first you stop crying. Even I feel to cry watching you like this. You don't worry. I will always be with you. I will pray for you. If you need any help, I will always be there for you. It will take 10 mins to reach the school gate. Come let's leave." I don't know how she took these words. I was a bit relieved that she stopped crying. We left the lunch adda. We started running. There was one more problem. Our enemies from other classes had seen us running together. I will bring these guys in the picture later. Luckily we went a minute earlier to the watchman closing the gate. We encountered our Head Mistress mam. A fiery fat lady with dangerous eyes and personality. She stopped us and we were questioned. "Is this the time to finish your lunch and get back? Roaming together ah you and her?" She shot back "mam no! I don't know who is he. I went to hotel to have lunch as I brought empty tiffin box. Sorry mam. I am late." Mam asked "And what about you sir? where had you been?" I was afraid to open my mouth infront of her. I stammered "Sorry mam. Next time I won't repeat this mistake". She let us go. We left for our classes. Sharath was such a good friend who identified that something went wrong with her. He asked me slowly "Macha yen aitho. Yenadru problem aitha. Yake macha. Altha bandidya??" What he meant is "Buddy, what happened. Any problem bro. Why buddy? Did you cry?". For a minute, I was shocked listening to all this. I shot back "Illa macha, yenu illa. yenu problem illa (Iam alright) " trying to hide my feelings. And he shot back "Bidu macha. Neenu yeshtu bachitru nange yella gothaguthe. Neenu yenu helbeda. Nane hudkothini" Meaning " Leave bro it's ok if you don't want to tell anything. No matter how hard you try to hide, I will know everything. I don't want to know what happened. I will find it out". I didn't reply anything. But that evening, we didn't see Khushi with that uncle also. I think she had left earlier than us. I was with Sharath, our enemies pounced upon us. They were a gang of 4 rough and tough boys. We hated them so badly, that we didn't even go and speak with them. One of them pushed me and asked "Yeno a hudgi jothe odtha ide. Yelige ogidri. Yenu dove ah?" Meaning "I saw you running with her. Where did you go ? Any affairs?" Before I could react, Sharath stopped them and replied "ange yenu illa kano. friends ashte." Meaning "Nothing like that. They are just friends". Again they replied back "Ninu yeno avaribrgu mama na?" which means "Are you their broker? The guy who gets couples married". Sharath shot back "Nin limitali idkolo. Houdu kano nanu avange mama ne. avanu nange mama ne. neenu yeno madthiya. muchkondu nin kelsa nodkondu hogthiya" which means "stay in your limits. Yes I will get him married and he will get me married. what will you do about it. shut up and mind your business." This only worsened matters between us. They slapped him. And he shot back "maklra nimge aithe kano. yeli idbeko idthini." meaning "i will reply back to this when I have to! and they pushed him away and left him. That day was really a sad day my entire life. I lost a friend and at the same time I understood what it meant to be a real true friend. Iam sorry to say this guys, typing all these I got down into such emotions that my eyes are still wet and my fingers are shivering typing all these. I will continue this story in the next episodes.