Heartbreaks that changed my life

A Journey From Regrets To Lessons

Hi ya there. How are you doing?? Hope you doing well. Thanks for reading the previous episode. And if you have directly entered here from the notifications or news feed page of wattpad, please make sure that you go back and read the previous episodes also. So what are we waiting for?? Without further ado let's head to this episode.

I don't know if you have read the previous episode where I had storied about me getting admission in a college and for a course which I hated badly. I can't take the name of the college due to personal issues from my end. My only intention is that no should suffer like me when they face similar consequences as I did. I don't know how far it can come true. Just hoping it doesn't.

I was out of my office and back to the college. An "under graduation or degree" college (as I refer it in my words). After I completed my exams, I kept on requesting my parents to admit me in a college where I could a BCA or B.Sc in CBZ course. I knew my plans. But telling that to my parents that I wanted to do a B.Sc in CBZ went utterly shocking and waste. I did not tell them why I wanted that course or how could I make my future with that course. I just told them what I wanted to study. And my mouth was shut with stories of their work and life experiences and all sorts of random unexpected and unanswerable questionnaires and unnecessary comparisons. Tell me guys how could I go and speak to such people who shut my mouth in the name of my future when I told them what I want or what I need??? Only what I wanted to study!!!

I felt like a typical Indian engineer guy who wanted to study something else, but was forced to do engineering even though everyone knew that he was not fit, not interested and hated it very badly. And why was he forced to do that?? The same answers from everyone who has been through the similar situation. "Mom and Dad could not afford it. There is no future in other courses. Will become jobless and became a beggar who is begging for jobs in every interview. Will not be able to run a family like mom and dad. Will suffer like mom and dad. Etc... Etc... Etc... and all other Tom, Dick and Harry stories"... Dear Engineers or Doctors or whoever, who has been through this situation, you are not the only ones to be forced for something that you did not want. Post a post in some random social media that you have suffered like this and you want to create a group for similar people who been through the same, you will become a great admin. That is today's social generation as how I have seen. At least that shows that we are not alone. Ok enough of blaming parents or situations for whatever has happened. We will speak something else.

In my case what has happened now is that, at that college where I am studying my B.Sc, I am not excelling in my studies. I have semesters full of backlogs which I am struggling to complete. I am not going to be shocked by the upcoming backlogs also. Attitudal right??? You see that is where I am going wrong. Sometimes life cannot give us whatever we have wished for or struggling for. Instead we only get what we don't want or what we are not interested at or what we hate as hell. And when I came up in such a situation regarding my education, all that I had ever did was just blame or curse my parents and family situations without understanding what is happening in front of my eyes. We often have fights at home regarding this education issue. And what's more worse is that my parents have half given up on this fight. They end the fight with one sentence " If you don't wish to go to college. Just dropout and earn something, somewhere... " The reason why I cannot take this opportunity or answer back to them is that I have started this educational journey and till I complete it, I don't want to quit it from the middle. What my parents aren't understanding is that I want to complete it my way irrespective of the time it takes. We are almost having an internal cold blooded war like this. Few more arguments and someone would be dead or crying. I can literally predict the result of such arguments. But I don't have the courage to continue on fighting.

How many of us are in similar situations??? Struggling in life!!! Crying and fighting over whatever we have missed in life. This is just an episode related to education. The other episodes are of many other things that I have missed in life. How long can we cry over the same?? To whom all can we go and pour out all these worries?? For a time being, I thought that I was blaming myself, my parents and my life for this. But I was too late to realize certain important lessons. And again I would be damn late if I don't bring these theoretical lessons to live practical acts.

There is a saying about life. "The stores of life are packed with n number of opportunities, wishes, dreams, expectations, rewards, blessings and many more stuff. No matter how much perfect we are in life, we will not get everything and whatever we wish for, whatever we struggle for, whatever we cry for, whatever we live and die for..." When we don't get what we want, we cry, we blame, we brood over and do all those etc etc etc unnecessary and useless stuff not realizing that we are getting impatient and forgetting that we deserve better than what we have missed. Life is not easy for anyone. Not even for a king who can sit on the throne and rule or even for a president who has an entire country in his hands.

I realize that I did not deserve CBZ. I realize that I can make my future with MEC. I come up to the points that where I have to bow down to whatever life is throwing at me. Life sometimes surely throws stones at our heads and hearts. We get hurt. We bleed. We cry out in pain. You know what is the best thing that I realize now?? Maybe instead of wasting time crying for the hit, it would be better if we collect all those stones and build something with all the other stuff that life is throwing at us. Build something better and bigger so that we can protect ourselves from the next hit and again use that hit as an opportunity for something else. I just shot this in a random flow of emotional feeling and excitement. Saying is always easy. But doing something real with the saying is hard and all that matters.

Life gives us moments to look back at and smile or cry depending on whatever it is. Tomorrow when we look back at such situations, we must not cry saying "I missed this!!! I could have done this!!!" Or sometimes "Only if...." I have been in that place for many situations. Earlier it used to feel sad. But now it feels useless to feel sad for those things, those moments that I did not even deserve. Speaking of deserving, sometimes we point out to the hard works and struggles we been through for months and years. I hear people saying " All these years, I have worked for it. Spent sleepless nights and restless days. But missed it all because of... I truly deserved it. I was the one to whom it was rightly deserving.... ". No guys!! it happens... that is life. We did not deserve it because there was something bigger and better in store for us. We were the ones who did not realize it. We were the ones who did not wait for it. We were the ones who showed attitude to life. We threw back those stones to life. Maybe that is why life has been throwing bigger stones than what we had thrown back. I know it is seriously hard to accept whatever is going on in front of our eyes. But that is where we are alive and where we are living. Should not we live?? Should not we be alive?? Got the difference??

Regarding my education, I am left with my backlogs. I am the one who is going to clear it all. Yes I agree that I did not get what I want. But I want to make my future with whatever I am given, whatever I am blessed with in life. Does not matter how hard this life is now and how harder it is going to become in the future. I know my mistakes. I know where I have gone wrong. I know how to correct them all. And I won't stop till I myself feel that this is enough.

Life gives us everything. Good moments as well as bad moments. The good ones are to keep us happy and content. The bad ones are for experiences as well as learning and understanding life.

If I had hurt anyone through these words that I have written, I apologize for that. I am extremely sorry.

What is next is always the next episode... Till then thank you so much for sparing your valuable time and reading the episode. And let us meet in the next episode... God bless and Peace Out...