Heartbreaks that changed my life

Mixed Feelings : Part 01

Hi ya readers... How are you all?? This is the 16th episode of my book and we have successfully completed 500+ overall reads... That is really a very big achievement for me. And it was all possible through you my dear readers; each and everyone who has been with me, supporting me to continue writing, reading my episodes, giving me good suggestions and feedback and ya of course not to forget all those who kept sharing the episodes and promoting my book... Thank You All and God bless... Peace Out... And let me head back to continue writing this episode...

In the last episode, I had told you that I came to know that Anitha was also studying in the same college where I was studying. I was left thinking whether I should let my past enter my present. I pondered over this issue too much. Later I myself came to the conclusion "Not to get back to her, and no need to initiate any conversation with her unless our situations demanded." Who knew that the upcoming days would bring unexpected incidents.

13th February 2013: In our college we had a special day for Africans. On this day programs and contributions were arranged for the people suffering in Africa. Iam always a late coming student in school and college. But that day was Ash Wednesday and attending the holy mass in the church at a dawn of 6:30am, I was a bit too early in college. One of the office boys noticed some guys sitting in the class and he requested us to help him get the offering box (that big box with wheels where one drops charity money) out of the office and keep it out near the waiting desk. We were 5 guys including me who went to help that office boy. Our helping task had completed in just 3 minutes and we were all sitting on the chairs that were kept for people who were asked to wait. Then I remembered something. I excused myself and went to the class leaving the rest 4 behind there sitting on the chairs. I was running up the stairs and Anitha was running down in opposite direction. As we came close, she started "Hi Prabhu Chetan!!!" and without any second thought I replied back "Hi Anitha!!" And she smiled back. Goddamnit!!! Wow!! I had never seen any girl that beautiful except for my sister. She was wearing a light blue churidhar with white dupatta. Angelic!!! Angelic!! I stopped my running and turned back to see if she was there. She was not there! Without her knowledge she had already made my day. And I was thanking God very much that some things were still calm. One magical smile and 3 simple words... They really made my entire day. I ended that day by thinking that maybe I should forget certain incidents and change my thinking for good. Well that was an encounter of not even 2 minutes to be precise. It was unexpected. And I believed that unexpected things that happened beautifully were purposeful blessings of God.

After this day, I dont know what happened?? Our encounters became frequent and we used to smile at each other. Only smile ah!! no talking yet. The talking part will come later. I was again into dilemmas regarding her encounter and there was a super cool friend named Dhanush who helped me to get over this confusion. Dhanush was from SEBA (Statistics, Economics, Business and Accounts) class. He also lived in Surya City. He was a guitarist. We used to spend some good time at his home by playing PSP games or reading novels or listening to his acoustic guitar music or watching sunsets from Surya City's highest apartment terraces. He had fallen for my class mentor's sister who was our junior. Their house was two streets away from my home. During the mid term exams, on the pretext of spending some time with her and that too in the name of studying, my dear Dhanush had made plans to come to my home. One last exam and we would be having our mid term holidays. Mom, dad and my sister had gone out to attend a relative's family wedding. It was only me and Dhanush at my home. We knew our plans. On the way out as we were roaming around, I poured out my confusion to him.

Me: Macha, Help me na. Iam getting too confused!! Regarding her matter.
Dhanush: Tell me one thing! What are your feelings towards her now?? I mean how do you see her now??
Me: Hmmm... I wanted to be her bf or lover in school. That tragically failed and I was in the principal's cabin. And now I dont want to make the same mistake again!!
Dhanush: That's fine bro.. But that was not the answer to my question. What now?? Do you still want to be her bf or lover or just a friend??
Me: That's what even I dont know bro. Ya bro, I feel that it would be better to be her friend.
Dhanush: Well then do one thing!! Better go and know what she feels about you. Does she have any feeling for you or what type of feelings does she have for you??
Me: Where did this idea come from bro?? I mean this is such a great idea!!
Dhanush: When your in confusion this idea of analyzing certain things avoids unnecessary risks bro. Better think and decide whether you want to check out this idea or any other method.
Me: No bro. I want to stick to this idea only and tomorrow is the last day of our mid term exam and after this I would not be able to see her for another two weeks. I want to execute this plan tomorrow only.
Dhanush: Good luck with that!!
Me:Thanks again bro...

The whole night, my lips started stammering her name "Anitha!! Anitha.. Anitha!!" in sleep. I was really scared where my parents would find this out. I have this bad habit of speaking bizzare stuff in sleep. My parents complained a lot of times about it and it was left as it was.

12th October 2013:
The next morning when I woke up, I asked my parents whether I did anything like that the previous night. And I was relieved that nothing like that happened. When were writing our exams, one of the office boys came and announced that "All 2nd PCMB students must gather in the cellar after your exam gets over. Your biology lecturer has some important announcements to make and everyone from 2nd PCMB are requested to attend it without fail". I stopped writing for a minute and my mind started its war of thoughts "Oh what the fish yaar!! Why didn't this ma'm inform us this yesterday?? Now because of her all my plans will fail. I missed her!!! I missed her!! And now after the college re-opens I myself dont know whether I will remember this plan or not. Gone!! She is gone today!! Oh shittttt mannnn!!!" I dont know about the rest of the class but being a class representative it was my responsibility to attend such so called sudden meetings else I had to listen to unnecessary lengthy lectures from all the teaching staff of the science department. Whoa!! Freakinnnn mannn!!!. Without any option, I attended the meeting. But to my utter suprise, half of the class was missing. I was shocked to learn that most of them escaped after the exams. This lecturer also came very late after 20 minutes and she announced that she was going to take special class during the holidays in order to finish the portions. And after her meeting, I came out and I went to the school ground; the path she used to take to get out of the campus. I didn't find her. I thought that she had left and with a depressed face, I came back to the same glass door of the college through where we used to enter and exit our college building. Then this happened
"Hey! Hey! wait a minute..
What in the campus are my glasses showing me?? A girl is getting down the stairs.
And she looks like "my" girl.
Wait no!!
She doesn't look like "my" girl.
She IS "my" girl Anitha!!!
Whoa heavens... This is awesome!! Thank you so much God... Thank you!! Thank you!!... "

When I look back at this moment of excitement, I don't know from where that smile pops up on my face. It's feels very beautiful on the inside thinking of those crazy thoughts!! Especially making her "my" girl for no reason and thanking God in heavy excitement. Heartbeats fast and jumping like a spring. Seriously guys and Anitha you don't know how priceless those moments were for me.

As she was about to come down with 3 or 4 stairs remaining, I did not stand near the glass door. Without thinking of anything or anyone else, I raced myself to the school gate and waited for her to come. Infront of me there was a bike on which a fat white teddy bear toy with the words "Always Mine" was kept. This added more excitement to my waiting. "Oh God!! From where did this cute bear come from?? No one is watching!! Should I take it and give it to her?? Five steps more and the teddy is..." My thoughts stopped when a couple with a 4 to 5 years old cute child came there. The man handed over the toy to her and she kept hugging it. I didn't feel bad that the teddy was gone. I was like "must be the child's parents...it's ok it happens!! but still I wish I could have been a bit early or could have a made a good attempt to get that teddy...anyways I didn't work hard or pay for it and buy it. They are it's rightful owners;not me. No worries, it's ok...not a problem..."

I turned back and lo there she was coming along with one of her friend. She was wearing a white churidhar. I calmed myself down and tried not to show my excitement. The moment she passed me, I stopped her.
"Hey!! Anitha... I need to ask something!
Ya what it is?
Please don't mind that I ask this!! Are we still friends??
Yes of course!
Thanks a lot! And do you have any special classes during the holidays??
Yes even we have...
Okay...when all do you have??
We have classes on thursday and friday, what about you??
Ya even we have classes on wednesday and thursday!
Ok.. Fine then.. And Happy Holidays...
Ya wish you the same...
Ok..."
She was about to leave and I stopped her and gave her and her friend the two Parle Melody toffees that I had in my pocket. And a very beautiful smile came upon her sweet face. Oh my my!! Killer smile Anitha!! Almost close enough to faint happily for that smile. I was very happy with what happened now. Dhanush's idea and my execution had worked out very well. I ran back to the glass door and there out of uncontrollable happy excited emotions, I tell whatever has happened to my friends and they lifted me up and spun me around like a kid. I can't forget how happy I was with whatever that happened now.

But amidst all this, I almost forgot that there was another half day and I didn't expect that would seriously go wrong in a lessonable manner.

What is this half day now??
I mean what happened??
The reason to title this episode "Mixed Feelings"
Everything in it's continuation
"Mixed Feelings : Second Half"

Till then thank you for reading... See ya in the continuation... God bless you... Peace Out...