Heartbreaks that changed my life

A Crack In Career

Hi readers. How are you doing?? Hope you doing well!! My sincere apologies as the episode was updated after a long period of approximately two weeks as I was caught up with my semester exams. Now that I have finished the exams, I can try to update the rest of the episodes with ease for a few days till my college reopens.

Till now we only came to know about my love and friendship stories. But had anyone thought that this guy has no other job than always posting love stories?? Anyone there?? I will be surely happy if there was someone who has thought like that. And for those who haven't, it's ok it's not a big deal. Now let me turn around the story to certain parts that are apart from and out of relationships and something that many of us can relate to in our student life. But don't worry those romemo stories will continue later after (I don't know after how many) some episodes, So what am I making you wait for????

2nd Puc was a turning point in my career life. To be true, this is where I personally feel that life actually made sense in some manner. The exams were on in full swing. Even I was preparing but not like everyone. I had friends, classmates and some others who were also in 2nd Puc. All these people whom I know or knew, these people had a very good habit or do you call this instinct of exam preparation?? No one was free. Whomever I tried to speak to them they either spoke of preparations or spoke of those exams itself. I mean I was still not into realising the importance of an examination. I called this "negligence and being lazy". My friends called this "tension free". My parents and lecturers called this "over confidence". I was just plain blank listening to all these, taking it in one ear and letting it go through the other one. I even got into habits of last minute preparation. I used to prepare one night before the exam. And that too not everything. Only "glancing" whatever I could understand even though I knew that I could not guarantee the next day's exam. I entered the examination hall in a carefree simple manner; saw the question paper, wrote what I knew, wrote whatever I felt was an answer to the given question. As far as I remember I knew that I had screwed the Physics and Mathematics papers. I was so confident that I would flunk in those subjects and was ready to take on them in the supplementary exams. The best papers I had written were Biology, English and Kannada. Chemistry was an average paper for me.

May 2014: The month when our results had come out. This was a very serious life hit which blew my mind off. The day the results came out, the relationship between me and my parents hit rock bottom and till date even when I am typing all these, it's the same and I regret that I can't fix anything and make everything as they expected it to be. What an awful offspring I am to my parents??? I know many of you would have guessed it right as to what happened to the results...

The results came out and I had failed in Mathematics and Chemistry. I had just passed or I guess I was pushed and passed in Physics. This failure didn't hurt or matter much to me as I knew the result already when I had finished writing the exam. What hurt and killed me was the Biology, English and Kannada papers and my parents reaction to my results. Just a moment I had mentioned that the best papers for me were the Biology, English and Kannada subjects. I wrote these papers in such a clean and beautiful manner that I had to score like a topper in these subjects. I knew how much marks my answers could fetch me. But the moment I saw these marks, I was shell shocked, speechless and shattered. I had passed the subjects but the marks were not the marks that this Robin Prabhu Chetan could score. So less marks!!! The fire had already started burning in the house. The fuel to this burning fire was added by the amount of relatives, family friends, neighbours, office colleagues and many other people calling and enquiring my results. I remember, the ambience of the house had become like a funeral. People calling and consoling my parents not to worry and I would clear it all in the supplementary exams.

I was on the terrace standing in the darkness and shedding tears over an unexpected result like this. But I don't know, I literally felt lifeless. Mom was crying and rebuking saying I broke all her hopes and trust. Dad was also scolding the same. Scoldings slowly turned into comparisons and taunts that I could not take it easily. I was compared with many students and well known children who were studying the same. I was taunted many times. My results were compared to the financial status of our home at that time. I could not bear all those.

I came close to such an inner conscience where I had to bow down and accept that I was wrong. All that had happened with my results were entirely my mistakes and faults. I don't even remember how many sleepless nights I spent thinking about everything that had happened with and after my results were declared. I don't remember how many times, I had spent in loneliness seeking answers to whatever was happening. I never cried for results even at times when I used to get a zero. But here I was helpless. It even felt that crying was also less compared to whatever had happened.

Results!! Results!! Results!!

Failure!! Failure!! Failure!!

Comparisons!! Tauntings!!

What else was enough for me to keep on bearing???

The days had to go on and how long could one cry over the loss of spilt milk at home??? Either he or she had to keep quiet or go and get another fresh packet or arrangement of milk. In my case there was no keeping quiet. Again subjected to emotional pressure, I had to apply for the re exams or the supplementary exams. I remember becoming a sensation in the family. They said that I was the first person to write supplementary exams at the PUC level. There were people who scored less but never failed. And I broke all those records. I didn't know how to react to all these situational statements. If I laughed I became shameless and if I didn't react I was taunted heavily almost close to being insulted. But I never took those moments as insults because they were my parents. How could a parent's scoldings get considered as insult??

So here I was, the talk of the town, the central news in the entire family. I used to meet people who used to say this "What's this Robin?? You scored so well in your 10th std and now what happened??". There were many followup comments to this. But I didn't pay heed to any one of those. I was half blank. Confused. I didn't know what to do. But thanks to a super genius idea that my parents thought of, life was on another twisty journey. What was that idea?? And what happened next??? Stay tuned buddies...

Before closing off this episode... A few words...

I know that there are many of us going through lot of academic downfalls, not able to manage studies and failing etc etc. It happens. It should happen and without failures and difficulties we would not know the values and importance of every thing that is happening in life. Life is never easy for anyone. I know that life feels difficult at such moments. But do know that you are not alone. I was there in your situation. Many of them would take your place in the future. I would not say to not cry or regret for what has happened. Cry, shed out your feelings, understand where you have gone wrong. Work on those places where you can change situations and come atleast close to your results. Be patient. Don't be overconfident. Don't trust last minute preparations unless you have good experience with whatever you are dealing with. Advices, comments, talks, taunts, condolences, regrets, feelings and many more will be coming. I know that it's very hard to accept all that. But do give a thought about whether they are useful or not. There's a saying "In a bag full of knives there is one special sharp knife with which you can either cut down your mistakes or cut down someone's thoughts about you". Try to find that knife. And if you need any mental help regarding managing your studies, please do let me know. Drop me a mail with the screenshot of this episode and your issue at my mail id which is in the description details outside the episode. I might be of use or any help. Till then sorry again for the late update and thank you for sparing your time to read this episode. Bye... See ya...

And yes, I forgot... If you like my episodes please do comment, vote and share... Thank you...