Heartbreaks that changed my life

The Last Letters : L02

Hi everyone. How are you doing?? Thank you for reading the previous episode and thank you for sparing your valuable time to read this episode. If you have come directly from the notifications panel or the news feed page, I would request you to please do go back and read the previous episodes if you have not. 

The last episode was about me writing a so called crazy apology letter to my parents. I know it was kind of emotional and weird. But that's ok and not to worry as these are just the essential parts of the book. So you might be guessing as to on whose name this episode is written on?? Even I was thinking about it as there are few very "important" people who should read this. Once I remind one and all, I am not writing or typing all these for fun or some book writing shit. I am writing all these with real emotions. They are sometimes cringy and boring. But what to do?? They are mine. I can't just leave them somewhere to go unexpressed. So enough of unnecessary talks. Let me see to whom this letter is for...

3... 2... 1... Yesss!!! How about writing two letters for two different people in one episode??? Sounds crazy... By now you should have guessed who are those two different people?? If you haven't, no worries. I will let you know. Those two people are none other than my favorite girls Aparna & Anitha. So what am I waiting for??

Dear Aparna,
         The moment I saw you for the first time, at the fresher's party, damn I was kind of going back to my younger days. From then on I tried to get closer to you not knowing that I would not just get hurt but also burnt very badly. That was ok because I was already used to getting hurt and burnt in everything life was constantly throwing at me. I had little hope in you that you were different. Well you proved it right, you were indeed different. Not like the rest of the girls I know. But at the same time, you showed me the two sides of a desperate girl whom the world sees in evil eyes. And that is where I felt that I should take back my steps and stop loitering behind you. For you I was just like a loan giving machine. Whenever you wanted something badly from me, then only you used to remember me else no. Else no I was just some stranger in the crowd. Great!!! You knew my feelings but made them worse... The moment I wanted to tell you all these, I came to know that apart from these negative features of your's, you are living a life of hard work and struggle. Working full time somewhere far away from home, managing a sole parent with you, dealing with college along with these. Where would you have the time for me?? I don't have the heart to ask you for a relationship which has already made you uncomfortable. But, thanks a lot for teaching me to not make urgent decisions. Thanks for making me to understand that there are women and girls like you whom I should not even think of. I have lots of things to say but, I can't.... Sorry for all the trouble I have given you.... Thanks again....

Dear Anitha,
         Where do I start?? How do I start?? Do you know how much you mean to me?? Well I guess that is beyond my words and feelings. My feelings for you started but I don't think so they will end. I am kind of not getting words to fill up with this letter. What to say?? How to say?? Should I say or not?? I guess, after my Khushi you were the only one whom my heart wished to accept. Well Khushi could not be there else I would have not come behind you. And as days passed I started to see her in you. But slowly I started to realize that she was her only and you were you only. I tried to be yours but no I could not. I waited for years and years, slowly and slowly trying to be yours and make you mine. Well I guess it's just my fate that I don't deserve anything in this world. I lost my first love at an early age. I grew up to losing the careers that I have always wanted. And finally everything ended with me losing you due to my own problems. When I tried to discuss this with you that's when I realize that it is good that you are not mine. I was wrong about you all the time. I forgot that even you are a human with feelings that have to be accepted and respected. When the time came to realize this I guess I was too late, I had lost you to yourself. Well instead of pointing out at the negatives of our lives, there are so many good things to remember about... I would be really happy to remember all those moments... I would remember them and maybe cry, cry out of joy that there was someone beautiful in my life who made my world colorful. Forget grudges, anger, revenge or even ego. They are all very small things in front of my feelings for you. You know what is the best part about you?? You were and you are still my living love. You give me those amazing vibes to live. No fault of your's... Honestly... It was me who had feelings for you without even realizing the smallest but the greatest facts of both of our lives. Before being my love, you are your parent's beloved precious daughter. My love is nothing in front of your love for your parents. I was too late to understand this. My feelings for you are extremely stubborn and weird for you, but they don't change with time. Maybe I was not the one made for you. I have no issues with that. I would spend a part of everyday where I pray for you. I pray that God bless you and your parents always, keep you safe and strong. I pray that the person who is made for you or whoever is gonna be your life partner should keep you always happy and never give a chance to remember anything about me or all these stuff. I pray that you be always happy with him. Go on live your life... You are a free bird now... The cages of my life or it's feelings will not hold you much longer. Maybe it is God's will that this is the life I have to live. I still want to write so much but those words are struck inside and will never ever come out.... I am sorry for everything that I did to you and huge thanks to you for everything that you gave me, that you taught me. I would not say goodbye but one day slowly vanish away from your life without you knowing about it and I pray that, that day be the best day of your entire life. 

These are the letters of this episode. I really don't know how to continue further or what to say or write about these two, for they have left such a beautiful impact on my life and I would always be grateful to them for that. I have not prepared any sort of script or anything to write these letters. All these words are straight from the heart without any secondary thoughts or intentions or feelings.

PS: someone is cutting onions!! please stop...