BELOVED // CALUM HOOD // 5SOS

28

Kira

I haven't talked to Calum in two days. He would try to talk to me, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to have to break up with him, even though I loved him. He couldn't trust me, and I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't trust me. I was tired of it. I was tired of fighting over the stupidity of this. 

I remember after my first real relationship, that I didn't need the guy. I wanted him around, sure, but I didn't need him. I realized it was the same with Calum, except a little different. I had different reasons to break up with the previous guy. Like how he hit me, and cheated, and was all around a toxic person.

Calum is different in that way. He didn't ever hit me, not even spanking my butt. He didn't ever intend to hurt me, but he did. Calum didn't cheat on me, but he makes me feel like I am just when I laugh at another mans jokes. Calum isn't a toxic person. Not even in the way that he can be too sweet, or that he's always there, even when I need space. Calum wasn't like that.

I loved Calum. I love his little quirks that aren't jealousy. I've always hated the little green monster because no one needs that in their life because it can consume you. Calum just got jealous for no reason, and it was disgusting. I hated that quality about him, but he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

I love Calum, and his smile, his jokes, his personality. I loved that he didn't even care much if I were to pass gas, he would even laugh, even if the farts were very smelly. Calum was a different guy. 

But I didn't need him. I wanted him, oh god do I want him. I just don't need him.

We've fought far too many times about his jealousy. If he was insecure, if it were about his ex girlfriend, if it were about him not trusting me, whatever? Why couldn't he just talk to me about it? I had to break up with him.

I didn't know what else to do, if we've rattled this too far. I was tired of it all. I didn't like this anymore. 

Good thing I didn't meet his family, then. Too bad he met mine. Austin's going to be bummed.

I paced the room, once more, figuring out what I needed to say. "Calum, I love you, but you don't trust me. I'm pissed about it, and I've had quite enough. I love you, but I'm tired of having the same fight about stupid things. I love you, but I don't want to do this anymore." I sigh, putting my hand over my face. I was crying. I really hated myself tonight, and I hated what I was planning to do. 

"You don't want or need to do this, Kira." Matt said, standing in the doorway. He was previously in the shower, but now he was standing in the door way. Grace wasn't around, because she was getting ready for an interview down the hall. 

"I don't know, Matt. I feel like I do." I respond, sitting on the couch, and rubbing my eyes. I needed to go back out of the venue, for fresh air. "I already asked him to come in here while Grace goes to her interview."

"You should try and work it out. You know this." He states. I almost want to listen to him. I pause for a minute. I don't say anything. He sits down beside me. 

"I know you think you have the best reasoning in the world, please just talk about it together. You'll regret it." He says. "He loves you, with his whole heart. You know that."

He sighed again, before he and Grace stepped out for their interview. I wanted to cry again, but I didn't. I just patiently waited for Calum. God, it feels like I've been crying for ages. When Cal didn't show, I go over to their dressing room. "Where's Calum?" I ask Ash who's sitting on the couch. 

"He's on the bus." He answered. The guys were both beside them on the couch. I smiled sadly, showing him my thanks.  Ashton stands up to meet me, "Wait, Kira. I need to apologize. I'm so sorry I'm a reason you and Cal are fighting." He says.