"Unrequited love is a ridiculous state, and it makes those in it behave ridiculously." ~ Cassandra Clare
I have moved on. Though these thoughts were hard to kill, most of the feelings are now gone. Feelings I have once felt for you before are mere ashes now. The spark is now gone, though there was never a spark to begin with. It was just me- as always - assuming, thinking, waiting. Remembering it now, I laugh at how I was deeply, madly in love with you. I wish, I could've said something for you to like me, but even if I said anything at all - you wouldn't even notice me.
When you walk into the room, you bring this sickly sweet scent with you- I smell it so many times that it gets embedded in my memory. Whenever I smell the scent of your perfume when I'm out in the town, I am always reminded of you. Of your gentle, calming presence. You have touched me in places where hands couldn't reach- you have touched my soul, my emotions, everything. And I have never been more happy and disappointed at the same time. I feel like you notice me looking at you when you pass by me, how I notice myself looking for you during special occasions or classes, eyes scanning each face carefully until they land on you. Your eyes, your smile, your hair, everything.
I pretend not to notice you when I see you- just to give you a little taste of your own medicine- but it doesn't work. You're like a strong bacteria that antibiotics couldn't kill. You just look amazing all the time and I always find myself thinking about you. I wish there was a way for me to shut off these thoughts. I sometimes catch you staring at me and I always look away first because I need to stop myself from thinking that there was a possibility between us.
But I have moved on. When I heard these things- terrible, horrible things- I was devastated. I looked up to you, admired you- only to hear these things- my perspective changed entirely. I started seeing a different part of you that was far from the sickly sweet scents and the calming presence. You lit wildfires in my soul and fanned them out with hurricanes. And these thoughts- the overthinking, the disappointments- started to come together.
The love I felt for you, though unnoticed, was real.
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Open Letters to the One
PoetryA collection of letters that were written but never shared. The words come from a place of pure emotion.
