I saw you last night. You were happy with someone else, you were cuddling and playing around with each other, while I sat opposite from the two of you, sipping my matcha latte pretending I didn't care. Honestly? I don't care anymore. You were everything to me once. Years have gone by and everything changed- we have grown apart. You were Crush #1, the first, the best and the last. If I had to describe you it would be intellectual words and everything I ever asked for. The problem with me is that I tend to fall in love with a person's intelligence rather than just face value- don't get me wrong, face value is still a plus, but I'd rather look at a person's intellect first. And that's how my heart picked you. You had everything that I had, you were a reader, an intellectual badass, a strong competitor- we were complementary.
But you were only playing. I have fallen in chest-deep into this ocean to find out that you were the one who pushed me. You liked someone else so I helped you. I became the bridge, just so you can be happy. The things you do for love right? I pushed down my feelings to help you get what you wanted. That was then. Now, I deserve a happy ending. Despite everything that happened, I'm not bitter. I'm not cold. I've just retreated a little and been shy, and that's okay. Others came after you and suddenly, it's like you weren't even there.
It's nice to see you happy, and it's nice to know that I'm happy for you too. I'm not hurting anymore, and I'm at peace with that. That's the kind of feeling I would've wanted to experience with my current crush today. Though they will never be like you, there are some other features. You have set the bar very high for me, maybe that's why I have high standards in selecting possible crushes or significant others. You grew roses in my lungs everyday we were together. Now, the thorns are splintering my chest. I will never regret loving you with all my heart. For such great love was worth every single painful goodbye. If I feared falling in love for the tenth time, I would never have met you.
Last night, I tried to imagine myself without you. The thing is, I could and I felt so much better.
YOU ARE READING
Open Letters to the One
PoetryA collection of letters that were written but never shared. The words come from a place of pure emotion.
