I've forgotten all about you completely - how I felt for you, how I get butterflies in my stomach when I see you or hear your name - everything. I've been silent and sad the entire day, and i guess that's just the after effect of going through such an emotional roller coaster. You were honestly a few feet away from me and I didn't get this tingly feeling anymore. Yes, I occasionally glance at you from time to time but that's just to remind myself of how bad I'll feel if I decide to go on that roller coaster yet again. I saw you staring at me this morning, and I stared at you too, but I was trying so hard to break away first because as I said, I need to stop myself from hoping. I'll just leave you to wonder if I still like you or not, but as for me, I'm over you.
One of my friends said a word- a trigger word, that whenever I hear it, I'm instantly reminded of you and she asked if I still have feelings, and I didn't answer, instead I just shook my head in response. No more. Although sometimes, I look for you in a crowded room just to get some comfort from seeing your face, but aside from that, no more. I'm holding on to this scintilla of hope though, that maybe, just maybe, you actually like me back.
I keep on repeating the same scenario in my head that makes me believe that this could actually happen: we're both tipsy and I try to communicate with you and then I'd pull you away from the crowd and bring you somewhere quiet just so we can hear each other talk. I tell you that I like you and that it's nothing to worry about because it's just admiration, infatuation, a temporary feeling. I reassure you that it will be gone soon, and that it's okay if you reject my feelings because I'm already used to being rejected. You say that you actually like me too, and my heart explodes into a million pieces and then I smile because this is what I've been waiting for. For you to say that you like me back. We hug and head back to the crowd.
Or it could go the horrible way and when I tell you everything that has been going on, you walk away, weird-ed out by all of this. Or that I don't even get to talk to you at all, because you're already gone and I see you making out with somebody else.
It can go a lot of different ways, and I just hope that whatever fate chooses, I'll end up happy nonetheless.
I'm letting you go now and though painful, is the best decision I ever made.
YOU ARE READING
Open Letters to the One
PoetryA collection of letters that were written but never shared. The words come from a place of pure emotion.
