Open Letters to the One

Letter #6

Class was boring today. I tried to distract myself by thinking about all the things I could've done if I had the power to turn back time. I'm tired. Of thinking about you, of thinking about everything that has to do with you. I'm done fighting these feelings. If you don't like me, good. If you do, better. I'm drained- physically, emotionally and mentally. I let out a sigh every time my mind thinks about how attractive you are, just to catch myself and think of other things instead. I can't do this. 

We're so close yet so far, we're literally six centimeters away but it seems like we're on opposite sides of the world and we're not speaking. To quote Taylor Swift, "I'm dying to know if it's killing you like it's killing me." I attempted to try and talk to you today. But honestly, I'm tired. This has been going on for so long and I'm ready to bury the hatchet and say goodbye. I just want everything to be normal again. I want us to be friends or best friends, even. I'm sick and tired of having to come to school every day and watch myself slowly die inside because I see you happy and content with what's happening in your life, but I'm not part of that happiness. Who am I to you anyway? Who am I to tell you how to live your life? If I'm not going to have you, then so be it. I accept it. There's no winning in this game. No, you've already got the princess and I'm still in this hedge maze trying to get to the castle.

I had a dream about you recently, and it was about when someone asked you if you like me; you didn't deny it- but you also didn't confirm it. And I felt that. I had butterflies in my stomach because I knew that there was still hope for me, for both of us. My alarm rang and I was awake, back in the sad reality. I saw you today, you were tired. As I walked outside the room, you were sitting down, eye's droopy. You looked so sad and calm and pure. Different from the person I heard rumors about. You looked like an angel, but I knew that there was more to that than what meets the eye. The rumors didn't matter at that moment. I wanted to hold you or at least talk to you. And I'm sad.

And then we're back to square one.