Instagram // Jikook [TW]

30

Dear mind, please stop telling me that I'm worthless. I'm not worthless. I'm a guy that has many flaws, but my flaws don't make me worthless at all. My flaws make me more special. So please stop telling me lies, I don't appreciate it.

Maybe it was the few angry voicemails Jimin had left me that made my mind think I was worthless. I mean, he did call me worthless in a few of them, and that's not exactly what you'd want to hear from someone you love.

I was deep in my train of thought, so deep in fact that I didn't notice Jimin coming inside my room. "Jungkook?" He said, his voice startling me. I turned my head to look at him, seeing him run a hand through his hair.

"Wait- you're speaking to me again?" I asked, I was genuinely surprised that I finally heard his voice again. This time I would listen to his side of the story, I had done something really bad after all.

"Don't start that shit. I'll stop talking to you again if you don't shut your mouth until I'm done speaking." Jimin said I a somewhat angry manner that kind of intimidated me a little. Maybe he wasn't such a submissive like I thought he was after all?

I nodded, scooting over in my bed so he could sit down as well. He seemed so unsure, so afraid that I would hurt him again, but I don't blame him at all. Eventually he sat down, his eyes fixed at his hands and his breath shaky. "Why?" He asked, his eyes still fixed at his hands. I didn't reply, he deserved to speak his mind too.

"Your instagram is a fan account of me, but you cheated on me with Yoongi for several months..." He took a short break, soon enough looking at me. "Everything you said about liking me, was it all just a lie? You were with Taehyung first and as soon as you guys broke up, you were already over him. You dated me, but almost as soon as we got into that relationship, you cheated on me. Why, Jungkook? Do you have such an intense need to be loved that being loved by just one isn't enough for you? Is that why you feel the need to move on quickly and cheat?"

I felt small. I really did feel worthless at that moment. Jimin was my everything, and I had hurt him to the point where he didn't trust me anymore. I understood him, I really did. And yes, maybe I felt the need to move on quickly and cheat, but that's because of my abusive background. My mom never showed me any kind of love, I think the kindest she had ever been to me was when she made me pancakes that one time.

"Jimin... I am so sorry..." Those were the only words I could muster up the courage to say. Saying it made me feel pathetic, but then again, cheating is pretty damn pathetic. Sometimes I wish I never met them. Sometimes I wish that my followers hadn't tagged Jimin on all of my selcas.

"You're not forgiven. I'm sorry, but if I'm going to give you another chance, you first have to prove to me that you won't go around and hurt me again. Gain my trust again and you might get a second chance." And with that, he left.

My first thought was to go apologize to Yoongi for everything, then I was gonna go to Taehyung as well, but that never happened. Instead I just stayed in my room and wallowed in self-pity. This was all my fault, and my mind didn't let me do anything about it.