HEROES | T. ODINSON 1

21.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked for possibly the hundredth time that night. 

The man sitting behind my kitchen table groaned in pain, but nodded nonetheless. I watched him move the ice pack I'd given him to reduce any possible swelling towards the back of his head and back to his temple and crossed my arms over my chest. For a guy who'd lost his eye during a fight he sure seemed to take a bump to the head very hard. 

Guilt laid heavy on my shoulders and weighed  heavily on my heart. Nothing seemed right anymore, yet I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to fix things and make them okay again. I hated this, this feeling of not knowing what to do, not knowing how to feel. 

Part of me felt bad for him, but I refused to let it show too much. I wanted him to feel sorry first, make him regret his decision to break his promise to me before anything else. I took a sip of my tea, letting the warm liquid calm my nerves while the taste of cinnamon relaxed me ever so slightly. Thor had not yet touched the cup I made for him, but I recall a vague memory of when we first met that involved him saying he 'doesn't drink tea'.  He was probably too polite to turn it down. 

"I'm fine," He replied slowly, "Stop worrying so much." 

I watched him sitting there, wearing not his typical Asgardian gear, but a black suit and tie that was now covered in dust and plaster. Regardless, I thought he looked like a million bucks, with his hair still short like the last time I'd seen him, a black patch over his eye and his facial hair clearly visible but kept up with. Not to mention the way he smelled. It was a scent I couldn't even begin to describe, that's how intricate and delicious it was. It had to be Asgardian cologne, or perhaps smelling good was just something that came with being a God.

He placed the pack of frozen peas on my kitchen table with a sigh and looked down at his hands, clearly as unsure of what to do as I was. I swallowed down the lump that started to form in my throat and ran a hand through my hair. 

He stood up and walked towards me as I leaned against the kitchen counter and tried to place a hand on my face, but I swiftly dodged his touch and moved towards the opposite side of the counter. 

I saw him watching me, staring into my soul with his one good eye and suddenly I felt very exposed, standing in the kitchen wearing only a short, silk nightgown even though his eye never left my face. 

"Don't." I said, tears pricking my eyes as I lowered my face to the ground so I wouldn't have to see him anymore.

I couldn't even look at him. I felt bad for him, but I couldn't let him get close to me. Thor had stolen my trust and I couldn't get it back.

"Love, please. I'm sorry for hurting you. I know I should have come back sooner, but simply couldn't find the time." He explained.

"That's not an excuse, Thor," I sniffed, "Don't tell me you couldn't even find five minutes of your time to come see me. If it weren't for Steve..." I trailed off, my thoughts trailing to what happened in Costa Rica. 

"Yes, but I was the one who told him where to find you!" He grabbed hold of my lower arms and began to rub them, "You have no idea how worried I was, waiting for Heimdall to tell me you were okay. When he told me what happened it took all of my strength not to come down and kill every last one of them myself." 

"You're right," I nodded in agreement, "I have no idea. You know why? Because I'm just a silly Midgardian." 

I shoved passed him, blinking away tears on my way to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut and locked it behind me, ignoring Thor's pleas for me to come back out. Even after he fell silent, I knew he hadn't left. 

I could feel his presence just beyond the wooden barricade that separated us and the anger and frustration that clouded his mind. Feelings not directed at me, but himself.  

I could hear him shuffling around outside my door, sighing and mumbling inaudibly to himself until finally, his footsteps dissipated into nothing.

He was gone. 

I refused to come to training after that. Instead, I'd managed to stay inside my one bedroom apartment, where I spent most of my time either lying in bed with the curtains drawn, in the bathtub soaking or in front of the television. 

I was hungry, but couldn't get myself to go to the grocery store to buy food and couldn't be bothered to change the sheets on my bed and the clothes on my back. 

I don't know why Thor's return to earth had such a huge impact on me, but there were several things I couldn't deny.

Firstly, my power had returned. It didn't go unnoticed that it hadn't been active since me and him had drifted apart and I couldn't help but to wonder if his power was the only one left for me to draw mine from. I'd been around people with super powers since I'd last seen him - including Stephen, but hadn't had a single reaction since we left Asgard. 

Secondly, seeing him in person caused an entire new wave of feelings to crash down on me. One minute I would pack my stuff and get ready to head to the Stark Tower and the next minute I'd be lying in bed again with the covers pulled over my head. Perhaps I was a bit dramatic, but I simply couldn't allow myself to fall in love with a king, let alone a god. Besides, if Thor had a habit of disappearing for years at a time, I knew it wouldn't last anyway. 

Lastly, I couldn't help but notice the weather. Ever since Thor had come back to earth, there had been nothing but darkness clouding the city. Pouring rain, thunder and lightning hadn't stopped in almost four days. Gutters and ponds were beginning to flood and I'd heard several fire trucks dash by my house, undoubtedly on their way to put out a fire caused by lightning strikes he caused. 

Bruce, Steve and even Tony had tried calling me relentlessly, but I hadn't answered them in days. I knew they only wanted what was best for me, but right now, I had no trouble ignoring their fruitless attempts to pull a reaction out of me. I needed to figure out my feelings on my own. I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my emotions.