eidolon | kim taehyung

• one •

she winced.

a finger pushing into her temple hurt. terribly.

yesul's head flung sideways instantly, and the looped sound of her scolding was all that reciprocated around her ears.

"have you gone crazy?! huh?!" each word that came out of her mouth were sharp knives aimed directly at her, each only getting deeper every time.

she terrified yesul.

her loud voice and enraged expression absolutely terrified her. with the woman's every word, her heart punched harshly against her chest.

it took every ounce of her composure to hold herself together, thinking that crying would be embarrassing and thinking that the boy she left outside would have to pretend he heard nothing and thinking that waking the neighbors would be awful at such an early time of day but as the words left her mouth,

"don't you realize how much trouble you give me?! every single damn day, i cannot breathe once without you being a burden, not even a damn second!" her finger pointed right in front of her face tauntingly.

she slumped, no longer able to keep the heavy lump stay in her throat.

"i feed you, i give you a roof on your head, and you can't even stay still and not wander around like a dog for a minute?! what else do you want?!" the woman screamed at her face.

yesul covered her mouth, preventing any cry or any sob or any noise to come out, afraid—terribly afraid—that one measly sound could tear everything apart so even when she suffocated beneath her hands, not a hitch did she allow to escape.

her mother grabbed her chin, her nails digging into her delicate skin as she pulled her closer. she could smell the displeasing scent of alcohol in her breath, every inhale only making her cease to breathe any longer.

"pick yourself up, yesul! you're in high school, kid, grow up!" her eyes looked into her daughter's, her words sending her eyes flowing uncontrollably.

"stop crying, damn it!" with the raise of her hand, she swung it across her cheek.

she gulped, absorbing the pain, trembling in fear.

she clutched her skirt, teeth digging painfully into her lip, wishing taehyung was there to tell her that her skirt would look ugly and crumpled if she clenched any longer.

but he wasn't there.

so she shut her eyes tightly,

it's okay to feel sad.

it sucks sometimes but,

that horrible feeling's something we all feel.

she had always believed in the words of the boy, but each lasting, painful second and every dreadful, ugly word that bounced on the walls in the living room of yesul's house was making her believe otherwise,

"you won't be young forever. do you think you'll be a kid forever? huh? you're a fool." she jeered, bumping her shoulder into hers aggressively as she walked past her.

she took her hand from her mouth and sobbed loudly, letting air into her lungs guiltily.

"what did i say?!" the woman slammed the bottle of alcohol on the table loudly. "huh?!" she hissed, raising her hand at her. yesul whimpered.

"stupid brat." she muttered.

yesul was frozen on her spot, as though completely losing the ability to move.

the woman put her lips on the bottle, letting the hard, bitter liquid burn the walls of her throat as she drank recklessly. she put the bottle down, wiping her lips with the back of her palm.

it had always been like that.

yesul hated it when her mother drank. she downed and downed every alcohol bottle and lost herself within each sip.

she loved her so much, but with every single shout and every single hit, she couldn't help but think,

was she still the woman who kissed her forehead when she cried, or the one that hummed melodies in her ear when there was thunder in the skies, and with that, she wondered,

if everything was changing,

was it still going to be a good day?

_______________

"you okay?"

yesul sniffed, her eyes bloodshot and squinted. she stepped outside and slung the strap of the backpack onto her back, letting its weight drag her down with every step.

she looked at the boy, who was leaning on the post of yesul's porch, tilting his head at her in slight worry.

she sighed, the cold air hitting her puffy, red face. "i-i'm sorry, you had to hear all of that," she wiped her eyes, voice soft in fear of the woman inside.

"it's fine, but," he stood straight, facing her, "you?"

yesul looked at him.

her eyes started to water.

"yesul."

she shook her head, looking down as a huge lump battled its way out of her throat. "t-taehyung, please, i can't—"

she stopped, seeing the incredibly familiar look in the boy's eyes before he asked once more, "you?"

her bottom lip trembled, and even more salty, painful tears fell from her eyes.

with flowing, blurry eyes, she watched him pout lightly. "come on, yesul!" he cheered lightly, raising his fists for her.

"how you holding up?" he perked up, tilting his head to the side.

she breathed out, "w-will carry on."

taehyung grinned softly. 

"always?"

yesul looked at him.

"always."

the boy's wide smile shone, walking backwards ahead of her as he continued to beam. yesul looked down and giggled, shaking her head lightly as she wiped her warm tears away. she fastened her pace, letting her worries drain out from her toes.

inhale,

exhale.

she stopped, landing on her feet and looked up, and like the white clouds that simply shifted by,

she breathed out,

"will carry on." she whispered to herself.

"always."