eidolon | kim taehyung

• four •

unlike she hoped,

the day turned out to be even more of a disaster than it already was.

it was 7 topics.

7 impossibly difficult topics that passed her ear, left her brain, heart, and soul in shambles, and exited the other.

7 topics that the rest of class A rode through like a piece of cake,

and 7 topics that she was going to fail. again.

and as their psychology teacher exited the room and ignored yesul's questions about the 7 stupid sicknesses that the whole class had to memorize for an oral recital the next week, the 7 sicknesses that flooded her brain with confusion, yesul's hope all spilled out to the classroom floor.

it was 3:49 pm. 11 minutes until student freedom and throughout the 8 hours she'd stayed anchored to her seat in shame, she did not understand one thing, and her insides twisted and turned at the fact.

mere seconds turned into minutes, and the clock struck four o'clock, sending the red bells ringing. "class dismissed." and as everyone fixed their bags, she waited for her adviser's signal—like the woman had threatened—but it didn't come, and she couldn't tell why.

has he had enough of her stupidity? her utter inability to understand practically anything?

he had probably decided she was also a waste of his time.

she looked down, her frown getting bigger every time her eyes passed the scattered papers on her desk. big, red crosses stained the white surface; every highlighted mistake stared condescendingly at her soul.

she hated every zero, every F, every minus mark that seemed to create a red cage surrounding her. she was afraid; swallowing every plead of help down her throat to not make a sound. she hated being like that. she hated having to be like that.

she looked at the red, plump apple, resting in her bookbag, and back at her teacher.

"maybe it'll work, maybe not. but give it a try. that's the fun about it. making people happy, somehow."

his words circled her head, battling the doubt which trampled every single rational thought in her small, stupid head,

she breathed out.

"to making people happy, i guess, somehow." she mumbled to herself.

once she had gained enough courage, she walked towards him timidly, her head down so that she didn't have to look into his eyes. she suddenly looked up, as though a spontaneous burst of courage, but she kept quiet for a while, and then when her mind settled, held up her hand, holding the fruit.

just as he was about to ask, she spoke, "my friend told me that i could say sorry to others by giving them gifts. so, here, mr. park." his eyebrows furrowed, taking the apple from her hand. "what are you apologizing for?"

"i'm sorry, c-cause i'm stupid." she bowed, her tone dejected and empty.

the teacher crouched in front of her. "yesul, you're not stupid."

she shrugged, eyes heavy. "i-it's okay. don't lie. i know i am, a-and i know you're all tired of hearing it but, i'll try better next time."

the class adviser looked at the red apple hesitantly, before looking at the downcast student, "i had a talk with mrs. kang and mr. jun earlier," and at the math and psychology teacher's names, yesul's heart raced, her stomach feeling funny again, "they said your performance hadn't improved in either of their subjects." he explained gently.

"a-are you gonna call her, sir?"

and the professor sighed, mind stirring with pity and compassion, "i-i'm afraid one more failing mark and i'm going to have to call for a conference, yesul."

"please don't call mom." she pleaded quietly. "sh-she," she raised her head, her voice, her hand to explain, "she's really busy today, and she's gonna have to deal with me, again,"

he leaned closer, looking at her in sympathy. "she's really, really tired of that, o-of me, and i—"

"yesul, listen," he looked into her eyes sincerely, "i read the papers." she squinted her watering eyes, "what papers?"

"your poems. your writing. on mrs. kang's algebra assignment yesterday, if i'm right?" he explained.

"they were really good. at an emotional and poetic standpoint, it's wonderfully written." he smiled softly.

"b-but they're just moody teenage rantings, right?" she frowned, remembering how she sunk in her seat as she watched mrs. kang point the inked paper at mr. park frustratedly through the classroom window and called them as such,

the teacher grinned, shrugging his shoulders lightly and crossing his arms, "depends how the person understands."

"every number topples the other in a whirlwind the normal ones grasp in an instant," the man said, and yesul's eyes widened at the familiarity of the words,

"b-but i'm glad that there's one that understands," the student continued,

"that normal is lackluster," the man followed with a bright smile,

"and strangeness is something far more wonderful." the both spoke in unison.

"that piece is beautiful, and i think 'moody teenage rantings' falls short as a title." he said softly.

"i think there's a group that can really help you hone your writing skills, and if you want, it can be...a little study group for you!" he grinned.

"but four members aren't enough to complete the poetry club yet, so," he added, and she blinked in curiosity, "we could really use a vice president." he smiled.

she gasped softly, "y-you really think so, mr. park?" she smiled, her grin quickly turning into a pout she covered with her hands, "really! hey, hey, don't cry now," he chuckled, ruffling her head lightly to console her. "you don't have to do this alone. they'll help you, i know those kids." he smiled.

yesul's lips trembled at the thought of warm welcomes and new friends, and she managed to speak out before sobbing loudly, "thank you so much, so, so much, teacher."

he grinned, patting her shoulder. "well, then! careful going home now, and is tomorrow a saturday? hold on," he turned, checking the calendar behind him, "yes! great. we meet every saturday, at 9." he informed, and yesul nodded enthusiastically.

"and thank you for the apple, ms. lee, that's very thoughtful of you." he added, and yesul nodded eagerly.

"i-i'll be there! i won't disappoint you! i promise!" she beamed, rushing towards the exit in glee.

he chuckled to himself and waved one last time.

"i know you won't."

and as she walked home, yesul held onto another promise,

and she was sure to not mess up this time.