Moving Forward

City Kids

"Guys you need to stay close to us." Lisa pulls the kids back quickly as we walk towards the street "You can get hurt if you walk too far in front of us."

I quickly reach out for Ava "You need to hold my hand.  You keep wondering off."

"But I wanna be with Julian." She pouts, trying to get ahead of me "Please?"

Before I get a chance to say anything, Lisa stops walking.

"I have an idea." She puts Julian next to Ava so they can hold hands, and then stands on the other side of him.  I point out a store that I think they'll like and we decide to check it out.

"That play area is cool."  Lisa says as we watch the kids climb around "I didn't expect a store like this to have one."

"I didn't either, but it's nice to sit down for a little.  My feet are killing me." I sit next to her on a bench "I really didn't think all this through when we decided to bring them here."

"Well in your defense you also didn't know you were pregnant.  Or that you would be 6 months while walking through New York." She tries to make me feel better "And she's so happy.  That has to make it worth it."

"It does.  Being with her in general makes it worth everything."

We let the kids play for a while before it's time to get something to eat.  They pick a pizza place right across the street.

"It smells good in here." I say as we walk in. 

"Yeah, like pizza." Julian replies.

Lisa and I laugh at him, finding us all seats.  We quickly order our food since we're all starving and give the kids some stuff to draw with while we wait.

"This place seems really familiar." I look around at everything "I feel like I've been here before."

"Well you grew up around here, right?" Lisa asks "Maybe they just changed the name or something."

The kids start to get really bored so we let them run around in front of our table since the place is basically empty and there's nobody to bother.  They play some made up games for a while before they get too crazy.

"Ava, stay over here where I can see you better." I lean over in the booth to make sure she's listening, but instead she tries to climb up a bar stool so I have to stop her "Avalynn Rachel!  Get down.  Now."

I walk over to where she is, putting her back on the ground.  Before I have a chance to say anything else, someone catches my attention.

"Avalynn?"  She questions quietly.  I look over at her in shock.  My mother.  The one person I wanted to avoid while I'm here is right in front of me.

"Mommy who is that?" Ava pulls on my shirt for attention.  I look down at her lightly pushing her behind me.

"Go sit with Lisa and Julian.  Eat your pizza."

"So, that was Avalynn?  My granddaughter." My mom walks over to me "She looks just like you did at that age.  Cute."

"Where's Brad?"  She looks around curiously "You two fighting?  Something wrong?"

"No.  We're fine."  I back up slightly "Why does it matter where he is?"

"Wow.  You're defensive for being fine.  Normally when someone ignores a question they aren't fine."

"Mom, there's nothing wrong.  He's just filming so Ava and I are on a vacation together.  We thought it would be fun."

"Yeah.  Fun time without him." She rolls her eyes, trying to walk past me closer to where everyone is.

"What are you doing?" I quickly stop her.

"What does it look like I'm doing?  I'm going to see my granddaughter.  You kept her from me long enough."

"No you aren't.  I don't want you around her.  Not when I don't know what you're going to do or say to her.  She doesn't need that."

"What have I done so bad that I should not get to meet my family members?  Just because you're upset a little information got out about you doesn't mean I shouldn't know anyone!"

"It's not that, mom!  You can't do anything but try to put me down recently no matter what I say or do.  I don't want that in her life.  I don't want someone who goes around bad mouthing her parents for absolutely no reason at all in her life!  It's not worth it."

I start to turn away to go back to Ava, who reasonably looks upset, but turn back to my mom quickly.

"I don't want her life to be put out for everyone to see because you can't keep your mouth shut.  She doesn't deserve that.  She deserves to live normally and tell what she wants to.  And until you can actually prove to me that you won't use us to give out information I don't want you around her."

The worst part is, she didn't even look upset until I said I wouldn't let her use us for information to give out.

She turns around and storms out of the shop.  I walk over to Ava, surprisingly able to keep cool myself, and calm her down.

"You okay?  We can go back to the hotel if you want and just put a movie on for them." Lisa tries to get up "You should probably just relax."

"No, I want her to be able to see things.  Let's just take them to a playground or something."

We wait until Ava is settled before walking around to find a playground, or really anything we think they'll like.

The kids run up to play with some chalk as soon as we find a playground.  They draw everything they can think of while we talk.

"Do you think I'm too hard on her?" I ask "My mom?  After everything else that happened?"

"No.  I don't think you are, but I also don't think that you letting your anger from the past win is the best either."  She moves a little, carefully looking me in the eyes "Jen, I know you love and miss her.  I also know it's hard to get go of anger and grudges, especially now that Ava and Brad are involved as well.  But I also want you to think about what it would be like to have your mom in your life, to support you.  I'm not saying she has to move out to California or anything, but you guys could make phone calls or something and that way you decide what information she finds out."

"You're right.  Everyone is telling me to just move on, but maybe what I need is to let her in little by little."

"Do it for Ava."