Moving Forward

Something Different

"Do you think you can fill in for me at the company meetings today?" I turn away from the calendar, walking over to where Brad is eating "I have that photoshoot, it might run over."

I grab an apple and my coffee, taking the open seat next to him, waiting for an answer.

"Brad!"

"What?" He practically jumps out of his chair, dropping his fork "Are they crying?"

"No, I asked you a question, but obviously your food was more interesting."

"Not more important, just doesn't nag at me or cry for attention."

I roll my eyes, asking the question again before his attention drifts away.

"Can you cover for me at the office today? There's meetings, but I have a photoshoot that might run over."

"Photoshoot today?" He looks at my shaggy hair and terrible skin "Like for the public to see? I don't know that I or the public wants to be seeing that on billboards."

"Well you really didn't seem to mind when you woke me at 2 am."

"I have my needs."

"Seriously though," I get up to check on the kids and throw away my food "I need an answer."

"Can't today. I'm filming that commercial. I can probably take one of them with though."

One of them? One out of four children? He's such a huge help.

"We have four children, Brad! You taking 1 and leaving me with 3 is not going to work."

"Okay, well then I'll take the older two." He walks around, making himself a lunch "The little two are still attached to your boobs anyway, it'll work out better."

"Fine, as long as you're actually watching them." I grab what I think I'll need, throwing it all in their diaper bag "I don't want any calls about one of them shoving something mysterious up their nose or rolling around in a pile of aunts again."

"You really make me feel like a terrible father when you bring up things like that, I hope you know."

"Babe," I walk over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist, kissing his neck "You aren't a terrible father, not at all. You just need to watch them better."

"Says the one that let her 7 year old in charge of the remote only to watch hours of shows she shouldn't even know about yet." He turns around, leaning in for a kiss "I think we both need to learn."

I kiss him back quickly, trying to get off that topic.

"We have five minutes." He looks at the time "I love you, but I'm tired. It's going to be longer than that just for me to get upstairs."

"When did we get so old?"

"When the last two got here and sucked all the life out of us."

Sometimes I wonder what our lives would be like without the twins. We would have so much more free time to spend with Ava and Kassie, but our family wouldn't be complete, we wouldn't have our needed pieces.

"Can you at least watch them while I shower? They might turn me away if I show up looking like this."

"Might? I wouldn't touch your hair with a ten foot pole."

I flip him off as I make my way upstairs, only to see that Kassie has taken up our bed for some reason.

"Hey baby." I sit next to her, putting her head on my lap "Daddy is making you breakfast. If you hurry up he might make the pancakes you love."

Her head shoots up as she looks at me, wanting to make sure I'm not lying, and she jumps out of bed. Without even saying another word for me, she's standing at the steps yelling for Brad to open the gate.

Finally, a shower to myself.

I grab everything I need, running into the bathroom as quickly as possible.

A few minutes later, knowing my time alone is running very short, I hop out and throw a towel around myself. I open the door slightly to make sure everyone is still alive.

When I don't hear screaming or crying, I go back to getting myself ready. They should be doing most of the work at the photoshoot, but I don't want to look like someone who spent half the night awake when I show up.

"You're all awake." I walk into the kitchen surprised that Brad has managed to keep them all alive and unharmed "Let's get ready to go."

I walk over to Brad, kissing him as I grab the diaper bag I got ready for the twins. He already has them in their car seats, so I tell Ava and Kassie bye and get the seats walking out to my car.

"Well, let's see how this goes." I back out, starting the drive to the studio where the shoot is, praying the twins stay quiet and don't get too crazy while I'm away.

I get to the shoot, parking next to my assistant, who luckily is very happy to help me carry the twins' seats.

"They're so cute. I can't believe how big they're getting."

We walk into the fitting room they have set up for me and I force myself into the outfits they picked out.

"These are not what I expected." I look at my reflection in the mirror, hardly recognizing myself.

My body is different. Not just small parts, but everything. Things have shifted, grown, stretched and everything else imaginable. My once toned abdomen has turned into pillows fat covered in markings, reminding me of how much it has been stretched not only from the twins, but both girls as well. It hangs out no matter how hard I try sucking it in, reminding me that it is here to stay until I work harder to have my old body back.

My boobs, once perky and nice to look at have done a complete 360. They shag as the bra I forced them in tries it's hardest to hold them up into the precise slots in my dress. They ache from the milk filling them, warning me that I do not have much longer before I need to feed the twins.

"I think this is good." Aleen stands behind me, admiring my reflection "Go out there and show the world something different, show them how most women feel and look, not all the glamorous bullshit."

"You think they'll like it?"

"They'll love it. The world will. It's going to be a much needed change."

She stays back while I go out for hair and makeup and eventually the actual photoshoot. As I remove the robe covering my outfit, I can tell by the photographer's expression that this is not what he was expecting. A hint of a smile forms across his face, letting me know that even if he is unsure of the outcome, he is onboard with the plan.

We want to make a change.

Sorry it took so long to update, I had a lot going on personally.  Please go follow brennifer2 and check out "Hollywood Journey"!