Moving Forward

Getting Out

"This is so nice." I sit in the back of the car with Jane "I don't have a kid following me, or someone screaming in my ear because she needs fed. It's like a vacation."

"You really need to get out more. Your life sounds so sad." She laughs at me "Brad needs to step up his game a little or something."

"I just hope they let the rumors go during interviews." I sigh, leaving against the window "Dumbass just had to walk out in public without his wedding ring, and now we're halfway through our divorce because apparently I became a huge controlling bitch after having Kassidy."

"Well if it helps, they should think that you bringing me with is a sign you guys are doing okay. Normally the mother in law is a sign that you aren't splitting from her kid."

"This is true."

We get to the event and a security guard helps block off the paparazzi for us. It's a charity event, so theres few reporters, which means less interviews.

"Do you think having children of your own makes you have a deeper connection with charities like this?" A reporter shoves her microphone in my face "Or have you always been involved?"

"I've always felt terrible for the children and their families, and helped, but having my own children definitely gives me a different perspective. I know what it's like to have sick kids you can't help, but luckily mine haven't been on this level. I cant imagine the pain these parents have to go through."

"Do your kids typically run to you or Brad if they're sick? Do they know one of you is more patient?"

"Well Kassidy is still too young to really know, so she's normally with me because of feedings, but Ava will come to either of us. She knows I'm big on cuddling her and taking naps to get better, and she knows Brad will do his best to make her laugh and feel better."

"Do you try to shield Avalynn from things like this? Childhood diseases?"

"Not really. We try our best to put it out there for her in a way that she understands, but she's also only 5, so we don't shove it down her throat either. We go along with it as she asks, like tonight she asked why grandma and I were going to see sick kids. Brad and I explained to her what we could, and she seemed to understand. We just try to do things that won't be too much."

I find Jane again, skipping reporters and posing for pictures.

"I'll never get used to all these cameras." She whispers "It's so flashy and annoying."

"I hate it, but I do like some of the pictures."

We pose for a bunch together, then she goes in because of all the flashes, and I get some by myself and with some friends that are here.

"Where's Brad tonight?" Another reporter walks up to me "How are you guys doing?"

"We're doing good." I make sure to smile, and emphasize the 'good' part "He's at home with the girls. Him and his dad are watching them so we could come out for a little."

"So everything is okay between you two?"

"Yeah, I mean we're stressed with having a new baby and a 5 year old, but we're working through it. We love each other, and we love our family and to us that's what matters."

"How do you deal with all the rumors?"

"We mostly just tune them out. We've gotten better with it over the years, and we know our truth. We know what we need to be concerned about, and what is completely false. 99% of it is bullshit anyway."

I walk into the actual event, annoyed with the last interview and find Jane standing at the bar.

"Here," she hands me a drink "You need this."

I take it, tasting it to see what it even is.

"That's really strong. What the hell is in that?"

"I don't know. Some vodka contraption. It sounded good." She takes a huge sip of hers, making it look easy "Can't you handle strong drinks anymore?"

"Just wasn't expecting it." I walk around, looking at all the pictures of sick children that they have set up, and feel my heart breaking. It's so hard to see someone so little go through something so hard.

"That's so sad." I stare at the one picture for a while, noticing that the child is almost the exact same age as Avalynn "She's so tiny and fragile."

"And the pain she must be in." Jane walks up behind me, sad herself "Knowing that she's old enough to remember all of it is even worse. She's always going to know."

"Man don't make me even more sad." I laugh, trying to stop myself from crying "It was bad enough just seeing the picture."

"Sorry, it just reminds me of the grandkids and when one of them got hurt and was old enough to remember.  You guys are lucky Ava isn't like her cousins and doesn't jump off shit all the time."

"I just feel lucky that they're healthy.  All the kids in the family." I move on to the next picture, reading the story.  Everything I read reminds me of how lucky everyone in the family is.  It almost seems unfair.

We walk through everything else they have set and make donations to the charity and even buy some of the gifts they have.  I pick out some things for the girls, loving that the money goes to helping these children.

"Don't ask me to go to any more events with you.  I can't do all this sadness in public again." Jane says as we get in the car "It's too much."

"I don't want to go to them, but I also feel terrible if we don't donate anything.  I feel obligated to donate since we have the money."

"That's what makes you so amazing." She smiles, pulling me in for a hug "You care."