sinner. kth x myg

9. breaking point

(baaaarely proofread cause i'm lazy lol)

"why would you make yourself sick?"

seokjin paced back and forth, running his hands through his hair as taehyung sat on his bed, dejected.

"why would you do that to yourself?"

"it's your fault!"

"my fault?"

seokjin looked incredulous, and taehyung glared back, holding back tears in his bloodshot eyes. "you made me eat! you made me eat so i threw up! what's wrong with that?"

seokjin's mouth was agape, words caught in his throat and stuck there like syrup. "you seriously don't see anything wrong with that? really taehyung? do you know how awful it is when..." he trailed off for a moment. "when i walk into your apartment and find you with a toothbrush down your throat crying and puking into a fucking toilet and... and..."

taehyung looked so small. he was thin and fragile with a child like look in eyes that had seen too much far too early. he had bruises on his spine from countless situps on wooden floors, he had bruises on his knees from the days and nights and hours he spent kneeling in front of his toilet disposing his body of the calories that he consumed, and he had so many scars, overlapping over one another, some self inflicted and others inflicted by his mother. the irony was that despite all of this, he was so innocent. he sat in a way that made him look smaller, hunched over and eyes downcast, and he looked to seokjin with such genuine distress that it broke his heart.

"how often do you do this?"

taehyung looked away.

"taehyung."

"i don't know. i do it whenever i need to."

"why would you need to-"

"if i eat too much and can't burn off the calories, i just... make myself throw up. i hate feeling full."

his bottom lip quivered, and he closed his eyes, willing the tears away. he didn't want to cry. he didn't want to break: not here, not now, no no no!

oh, but how he broke apart.

it was as if every piece of him suddenly crumbled to the ground, smashed into nothing. he was nothing.

"i throw up a lot," he said. "and... and when i don't throw up, i'm starving myself, or exercising, or just crying over nothing, and seokjin, i hate it so much. i fucking hate it."

he was crying uncontrollably, hands shaking as seokjin reached over to hug him. "cry all you want, tae. i'm here."

taehyung cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

* * *

"yoongs, i'm back!" taehyung called out, smiling.

yoongi grinned back. "your usual? the boring black coffee?"

"you know me too well."

they sat down together with hoseok and namjoon too, watching for customers. the cafe was vacant, but they were still technically working.

"yoongi talks so much about how you never eat the pastries," namjoon said. "you should try one just to shut him up."

taehyung shot a knowing look to yoongi. "i think i'll pass. i'm not hungry right now."

he took a sip of coffee.

"honestly i think yoongi likes you better than he likes us," hoseok said. "he's so nice to you, even tones down on the sarcasm for you."

"he's still kind of a sarcastic, moody asshole; how bad is he to you?"

"i'm going to stop giving you free coffee."

"he's super nice. love him. definitely never moody."

he put on a clearly fake (and sarcastic) smile, and yoongi imitated his expression in response.

"you're a little shit."

"i know."

* * *

yoongi called at two in the morning.

taehyung was awake, and he picked up.

"hey."

"hi."

"why did you call?"

"i was bored and couldn't sleep."

taehyung laughed. "figures."

"how have things been? like, serious things."

taehyung hesitated. did he want to be honest?

"seokjin, my older friend... he wants me to get help for, um, apparently my eating disorder," he stuttered nervously. "he says i'm killing myself, as if that's supposed to scare me."

"oh? when did this happen?"

he caught me throwing up the lunch he forced me to eat.

"he brought it up just yesterday. i told him i'd think about it," taehyung said. "i'm an adult. i can make my own decisions."

"is it getting worse?"

yoongi was so calm; taehyung liked it that way. he could be honest and know that yoongi wouldn't panic on him.

"kind of? i keep losing weight, so yeah, i guess."

"you know, there's not much of you left to lose," yoongi murmured. his voice was soft, gently spoken. "getting help or not is your choice, but i really think you need to stop this."

there was a quick pause. "i know."

taehyung knew it was horrible. he knew that this could kill him in the end. he knew that it was awful, and that he needed to stop before it went too far. he was breaking, and if he didn't stop, he would break for good.

but taehyung didn't know how to stop. hell, he didn't even understand why he did it. was it really simply to lose weight? or was it for the control, for the empty feeling that he could keep himself in if he just skipped another meal?

"taehyung, i... you don't need to take my opinion, but i just..." yoongi took a breath. "i think it's best that you get help."

taehyung bit his lip.

"i... i know."

but i don't want it.

this is vaguely based off of some shit that went down today lmao.

i made myself throw up and came clean to one of my friends abt it, and she seemed so upset? idk i felt bad. she asked me if i liked doing it, and why i did it, and tbh i honestly don't even know lol. like why do i do this shit? idk it just made me think a bit.

also i've been ghosting so many people (on both wattpad and instagram) --- i have like ten updates that i just haven't read yet; school has been hectic as fuck lol send help pls.

anyways, thanks for reading & see you next time!