sinner. kth x myg

20. the truth

"what's the first step to getting help?"

"well, first thing i'd do is take you to a doctor," yoongi said. "you could get diagnosed, and then you could get medications and stuff and be given a therapist."

"a therapist?"

"it worked for me, but it depends on the person. it's worth a shot either way."

taehyung nodded. "i guess so. would you help me through it?"

"are you kidding? of course i would," yoongi said. "i'll go with you to see a doctor, and i'll go with you to therapy if you want me to."

taehyung smiled. the cafe was quiet. taehyung's voice rang out in the empty cafe. "you care so much about me."

"no shit," yoongi retorted. "seeing you hurt is the worst thing."

taehyung took a sip of coffee, empty stomach feeling warm with the liquid. he loved the feeling of drinking warm drinks on an empty stomach. it had been a feeling he began to crave for. he starved some days on purpose, just to drink something warm at the end of the day and feel empty.

"how do i know i'm ready?"

"well, do you want to get better?"

taehyung hesitated. "yeah. i... i guess i do."

"then you're ready," yoongi said. "you're ready when you want to get better. that's how i knew."

* * *

"seokjin? can we talk for a second?"

taehyung stepped into the break room. seokjin, jimin and jungkook all looked up. seokjin nodded knowingly and stood up to follow taehyung out of the room, while jungkook and jimin watched them curiously.

taehyung brought seokjin outside of the diner and they sat down on the sidewalk together. taehyung shivered at a light breeze, and seokjin sent a concerned look his way. "you're cold again?"

"i'm always cold," taehyung said, smiling softly. "nothing new."

seokjin cleared his throat, crossing his ankles over each other. "what did you want to talk to me about?"

the streets were mostly empty, gray clouds darkening the city as people walked briskly down the sidewalks. there weren't many cars, and the city seemed lifeless, dark, desolate. taehyung bit his lip and put his hands into his pockets, trying to warm himself up.

"i... i'm going to get help for... um, for everything that's been going on."

seokjin breathed slowly. "really?"

"yeah. me and a friend are going to go see a doctor next week."

taehyung sighed slowly, curling his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

"you sound scared," seokjin said. "are you scared?"

"yeah."

"why?"

taehyung hesitated. "i... i don't know."

"tae, i'm so happy you're doing this," seokjin said. "i know it's scary, but it'll be worth it. okay?"

taehyung nodded.

* * *

taehyung called yoongi at midnight with cuts on his wrists.

he stood at the sink, washing the blood away as he listened to the ringer go off. yoongi picked up after the third ring.

"tae?"

"hey yoongs."

"what's up?"

taehyung winced slightly when there was sharp pain in a deeper cut, shrugging it off and continuing to wash away the blood that dropped slowly from the cuts. "just wanted to talk."

"really? is that it?"

taehyung's breath stopped in his throat for a moment. he turned off the sink and wiped his wrist with a towel, watching the blood stain the white towel red. "well, no, but i'd rather not talk about that."

"okay, that's fair. what do you want to talk about?"

taehyung tossed the towel into his laundry basket, walking out of the bathroom with his phone in his hand. "i don't know. you start the conversation. i'm awful at this shit."

yoongi laughed softly. "alright. well, how was your day today? anything new?"

"it was the usual. i told seokjin that i was going to get help during lunch though, and he seemed happy about it." taehyung smiled. "he's been so worried about me."

"yeah? that's great, tae," yoongi said. "did you... did you eat at lunch?"

taehyung shrugged, sitting back in his bed. "i wasn't hungry."

"did you eat anything today?"

"i had dinner with seokjin." but the calories don't really count, because it all came back up when seokjin left.

yoongi stayed silent for a moment, and taehyung knew he was considering asking if taehyung had kept the food down or not. when the silence became too much for taehyung, he answered the unspoken question on his own, giving yoongi the truth that he didn't want to voice. "i threw up. sorry."

yoongi sighed. "don't be sorry. i... i know it's hard."

taehyung switched off the lamp beside his bed, laying down and looking up at the shadow of his window on the ceiling. "i'm scared, yoongi."

"for what?"

"everything."

yoongi breathed softly on the other end. taehyung breathed with him.

"you're going to be alright, okay?"

taehyung breathed again. "okay."