sinner. kth x myg

18. like a drug

that night, taehyung found himself stumbling towards yoongi's cafe at ten o clock, praying that he was still there.

his hands were shaking, and his legs could barely hold up his body; he needed someone, god, he needed yoongi. he needed yoongi to look into his eyes with a knowing gaze and tell him that he truly wasn't broken - that he was still whole and just needed to find himself.

he opened the door to the cafe with weak arms, smiling with relief because the door wasn't locked and that meant yoongi was still there. he leaned against the opened door.

"tae? what the hell - you look like death, jesus."

yoongi stood from the table immediately, rushing to taehyung's side, stabilizing him.

"i needed you," taehyung murmured. "needed someone. you. needed something to... to ground me. i can't do anything anymore."

yoongi furrowed his eyebrows, helping taehyung to a table to sit him down. "what's been going on? spill."

taehyung smiled. "it's just the same as always," he said. "it's all the same. just... it's piled up and i can't hold it all together anymore."

yoongi nodded slowly. "is that why you look like you're on your deathbed? because taehyung, god, you're scaring me." he clearly couldn't find it in himself to smile, too worried and concerned. "do you want anything to eat? drink?"

taehyung shook his head, and yoongi sighed, exasperated.

"this is getting out of control, taehyung."

"it has always been out of my control," taehyung bit back. "i've been breaking, dying for so long that death is like a second nature to me. i hate living, hate breathing, hell, i'm scared of it all! i'm fucking terrified of waking up in the morning and knowing that i have to survive another day." he took a breath, hiding his trembling hands under the table. "yoongi, i can't do it anymore. i need to stop, but i can't. and it's killing me."

"do you want me to be honest?"

yoongi's voice was soft. taehyung nodded.

"i honestly think you need to go see someone about this." yoongi looked reluctant, he was reluctant, repeating the words he had hated to the boy in front of him. "there's no getting better on your own, and you're obviously just getting worse and worse, and it's scaring me, tae."

taehyung looked away, gaze falling.

"i'll... i'll think about it."

* * *

taehyung rushed to his apartment, legs weak from exhaustion as he sped down the street and up the stairs to his floor.

he unlocked the door, went inside, and headed for the bathroom, hands shaking uncontrollably as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. falling in front of the toilet to his knees, he leaned forward and put his fingers down his throat, an ugly gag ripping through his lips as his entire body convulsed. nothing came, only slimy bile sitting on his fingers. he tried again, crying out when it didn't work.

water. he needed water. if he drank a lot of water, it would be easier.

he went to the kitchen and downed a glass of sink water, heart pounding, head clouded with only the need to purge, to feel the calories he had consumed leaving his body with the bitter taste of vomit and acid.