Ehsaas....a feeling

Distance

Everything happens for a reason. I will surely get everything back, what I lost.

With this thought I wake up every morning. My legs hitting the cold tiled floor. I wrapped the comforter around myself as I walked towards the washroom. Removing the comforter, I stepped inside the washroom, drenching myself in a hot shower.

Nothing has changed, nothing can be changed. After that night, I haven't seen or heard from that grey eyed Fawad. Don't have any idea about who he was or from where he came. But I'll always be thankful to him for saving my life that night. I still shudder at the thought of that treachrous night.

After cleaning myself properly, I stepped out of the shower wrapping a towel around my body. Clearing the mirror with my hand, I looked at myself. I haven't changed much during these six months. A little dark circle is formed underneath my eyes, my cheeks have sunken a bit while my lips are still pink.

There haven't been a single night, where I haven't cried to bed. There hasn't been a second also where he wasn't present in my mind. I did changed my home, not the city. I just went downtown. I do talk to Mom and Maha, Aapu, sometimes with Dad too. They really do care for me.

Everyday Mom asked the same thing that when are you going to return? Where are you staying? And everyday I reply the same that soon I'll be back. Mom often says that Fawad has changed alot. He doesn't talk much nor does he sit with them. He even takes his meal in his room. Whenever they take out my topic he either leaves or unecessary starts shouting.

No matter how much I hide but it does hurt. And no, it's not his fault, it's my fault. I stole the money. I did. I hope that one day Fawad forgives me. Life doesn't seem same like it was when we were together. Yes, we did have problems in between us but who doesn't have? Marriage isn't a piece of cake.

My throat suddenly got tightened as tears felled down from my eyes, bile rising in my throat as I vomitted my heart out. The doctor had said that it's normal to have morning sickness but some have less and some have more, it depends. Thoroughly cleaned my mouth, before wiping it. Placing my hand on my very well visible bump now, I smiled.

Who said Fawad isn't with me?

It's been seven months now. Seven months of my pregnancy.

Month after I left his house, I started feeling weak and worn out. Almost everytime I use to feel dizzy or half of the time I dozed off!! Atiqa was the first one who told me to take a strip test and it came out positive. I was on cloud nine when I saw the result and immediately wanted to send the pic to him, but then reality hit me like a truck.

Does he gonna believe me? Will he trust me that it's his baby? To avoid unecessary tension in my life, I didn't told him. I hide it from him and from everyone else. Only my bffs know about this. They were the one's who always accompany me whenever I have appointment or tests to be done.

I know he'll be more hurt when he'll get to know about this. I can't even imagine what would be his reaction, his anger would take over him. But all these reactions will only take place when he'll believe me that it's our baby.

After thinking of every pro's and con's I decided to hide that I'm pregnant until he finds out the truth and ready to believe me. Otherwise, if I can come this far alone, I can raise my child alone too.

A shiver ran down my spine snapping me out of my thought. I went out of the washroom and wore a white loose maxi dress with bell sleeves. For hijab I choose to wear pink today. I glanced at the clock, I still had some time so I prepared myselfna cup of coffee with toast and omlette. Hate to eat alone but don't have any other choice.

After filling my stomach, I gathered all my belongings and waited for Zaina to pick me up. Acter waiting for fifteen minutes, she finally came.

"Good Morning" she greeted me.