somehow the tiny droplets sliding down the clear windows made you feel uneasy. the indigo sky did nothing but release sounds of thunder that tucked you in bed, with his arm snaked around your waist. insomnia had once again hit you, in one of the most comfortable nights between his comforting arms. you witnessed the droplets of water competing against each other to the bottom of the window, as flashes of light followed by sounds of nature pleased your eardrums. the night was bitter, yet serene. the comfort of rain and darkness engulfing you whole in tranquility, but the ache growing in the pit of your stomach caused the positive words to waver in your not so positive mind.
the ache was building up yet again.
were you always this uneasy? or is it just your long lost anxiety randomly knocking on your door?
you sat up, feeling his arm loosely falling from your side. your hand travelled up to your chest, feeling the palpitation of your heart as you tried to control your quickened breathing. you quickly got up on your feet as you made your way out of the warm room.
and before you knew it, you were having another panic attack.
it had been so long since the last.
i'm fine, right? it can't possibly happen again, right now? why is this happening?
a gush of familiarity once again greeting you with tears spilling out of your eyes, you quickly closed the bathroom door behind you, your fingers gripping hard on the sink that stayed empty. your irises switching angles and you could feel your fingers moving on their own. you turned the tap on forcefully, listening to the sound of water rushing out and draining itself along with the tears that dropped onto the little flood in your faucet. your chest was growing with speed as you clutched onto the thin fabri of your shirt.
the action caused you to choke on your own saliva travelling down your throat as you let out an extra gag.
"y/n?" you hear his voice.
the sound of him somehow made it worse, your tears pooling in your eyes, clouding your vision. you tried to control your chest but it only made it even worse each time—it felt like you were drowing at the very surface of an ocean, the pressure of the water engulfing your body whole but it was - at the same time - leaving you dehydrated, and the feeling of water was to no avail. your wobbly legs failed to support your weight as you fell the ground, palms covering your face when you felt cold hands around your figure.
you felt like you were about to explode, nothing else filling your eardrums but the sound of your pathetic breath gasping for air. the oxygen you desperately sucked in felt like poison, increasing the pace of your heartbeat like carbon ruining your insides.
"it's going to be okay.. it's going to be okay," you finally hear his assuring whispers, feeling the coldness of his fingers as if he was bitten by frost.
negative memories after negative memories corrupting your mind with your sanity slowly leaving you. but somehow the touch of his fingertips slowly warmed themselves against your skin, the fast pace of your chest slowing down but not so much.
you felt utterly futile on the cold bathroom floor. your back was against his, feeling the tightness of his limbs around your crawled up figure, rocking you back and forth. the present time was slowly coming to your senses, realising now that he was holding you. whereas 20 minutes ago, your body felt so numb you barely even noticed the opening of the door.
the quickened beating of your heart was finally coming back to its regular tempo, your heavy exhales were now replaced with calm breaths, feeling his lips lingering on the side of your head. his warm skin now calming you whole, feeling his heart beat against the skin of your back, between the thin cloth that acted as your barrier.
