Brave

Chapter 10: Flowers

When I awaken, I still feel fingers stroking my hair.

"Ethan," I mumble.

"Ethan?" My mother's surprised voice laughs.

I open my eyes slowly. "He was here until I fell asleep," I tell her, letting a faint smile overtake my face, realizing that Ethan makes me feel safe. Sure, he saved my life, and I'm hoping he never has to do that again. But something about his presence is calming; it makes me want to have him around more.

"Was he doing this?" She asks as she combs through my hair with her fingers.

"Uh, yeah, he was," I admit quietly. "It was nice." I smile a little and close my eyes.

"Well, I told you that he likes you," Mom says.

"I know, Mom, but look at me. I'm a mess. I lost my leg, I dropped out of college, I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life now. I'm so needy. How could Ethan possibly want any of that?"

"You didn't drop out of college," she gently corrects me. "And I'm not advising you to jump into a relationship with him and marry him next week. But maybe he would be a nice distraction while you're going through your recovery." She wiggles her eyebrows in a tease.

"Who's going to want a girl with one leg?" I complain.

"What difference does that make, cariño? Once you heal and learn to walk with a prosthesis, you'll be as good as new," my mother reasons.

"I'll never be as good as new. I will always be a mutant!" I pause to soak in my own self-pity for a moment. "But you know what?"

My mom's eyes widen in anticipation.

"I do like him a lot," I admit. "I mean, as much as I can like someone I've only known for a few weeks. He's really sweet, isn't he? And so cute. And those eyes...." She answers with a smile and a nod. "But I can't even begin to think about a romantic relationship. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. How am I going to get my life back?" Much to my dismay, I'm almost in tears by the time I finish. Stupid pain medications. Sure, they're good for actual pain relief but they're making a crazy mess of my moods.

Mom scoots onto my bed and wraps me in a tight hug, just comforting me quietly. She doesn't say anything for a long time and she just lets me cry.

I sniffle as I tell her, "I found out today that he's actually a physical therapist. Why didn't he tell me that before? On the one hand, it's kind of cool because he can help me, but on the other hand, he's going to see the weak, incompetent Sarah. He works with people like me all the time. He thinks I'm this brave, strong person, but inside I'm terrified. He's eventually going to realize how weak I really am."

"You are strong, Sarah," Mom whispers into my hair, and then she pulls back to look at me. "Trust me, I've known you all your life." I laugh a little at the silliness of her statement. "You've always been relentless when it comes to getting something you want. Determined, strong-willed, and might I add, just a little pig-headed?"

"Thanks a lot," I laugh. Laughter feels good.

"My point is, when you see something you want, you go after it," she continues. "You've always been like that. But you've always been too hard on yourself, too. Give yourself time to heal. And maybe you need that outside input, someone else to tell you how strong you are, especially on the days you don't feel it yourself." She kisses my forehead and then continues. "Besides, being brave doesn't mean that you never feel afraid. It means that you do what you have to do, in spite of being afraid."

"Thanks, Mamá . What would I do without you?" I give her a squeeze. "Still, I think that, if Ethan saw the real me, he'd back away in a second."