Brave

Chapter 24: No Longer Brave

I just realized: I AM THE WORST! I left you guys hanging since that last chapter because life just got so crazy, but I've had the story written, just sitting here and waiting for some minor edits. Please forgive me. And enjoy these next two chapters. :) <3 Jen

I can't forget what Jessica said to me last night. All this time, I was thinking that Ethan was too good to be true. Now I'm realizing I was right.

He is too good to be true.

I don't think it's his fault; I believe that he loves me but that doesn't mean he realizes what he's getting himself into. I can't let him be chained to me for the rest of his life, only to possibly regret it all and resent me years down the road. All those fears I encountered in Philadelphia are now beginning to make sense. He will have to take care of me. I'm not as independent as I used to be. I will eventually become a burden that's too heavy for him to carry.

My phone rings late in the morning and I'm greeted by Ethan's pleasant voice, along with a sickening tightening in my gut. "Can I take you to lunch today?"

"Umm, I, uh...I'm not really feeling well today. Maybe that's why I was so tired last night. I must have come down with something." I hope that I'm a good enough liar to convince him.

"I'm sorry, angel." My heart almost breaks when he calls me that. "Can I come over and keep you company? I could make you some tea and we can watch movies all afternoon."

"You have to work," I tell him.

"I'll cancel my appointments," he quickly replies.

See? He's already trying to make changes so that he can take care of me. It's only a matter of time before he becomes bitter about having to change his life for me.

"Oh, Ethan, that sounds nice, but I think I'll just sleep it off," I try to convince him.

"Okay, Sarah. I love you, you know. 'Bye."

"Yeah. 'Bye." And for the second time in 24 hours, my face is soaked with tears.

The following day, it's the same story. Ethan calls, I tell him I'm sick and not in the mood for company. He sends me funny little emails all day to cheer me up. Again on Sunday morning, he calls.

"Hello?"

"Hey, angel," he says with a smile in his voice. "Are you feeling better today?"

"No," I blatantly lie to him. Well, it's not entirely a lie, I suppose. I'm not physically ill but I feel like absolute crap anyway.

"Okay," he sighs. "I'll call you later, all right?"

"Yeah, 'bye."

I can't decide whether I'm relieved that he gave up so easily, or if I'm actually a little bit hurt that he didn't push harder. Maybe he's starting to realize that he doesn't want me as much as he thought he did, that his life will be easier without having to take care of me.

I decide to get in the shower since I didn't even take one yesterday. I remove the prosthetic leg and sit down on my shower bench. I let the hot water caress my body for several minutes before I start washing up. The water also washes away the tears that have been cascading down my face since I talked to Ethan.

I wash my hair, scrub my face, wash my body and shave my one good leg, even though no one will ever see it. When I'm finished, I take a long time drying off my body and combing through my long hair. When I look into the mirror, I decide that I'll put on a little makeup. Just because I feel like crap doesn't mean I have to look like it. However, I think it will be best just to let my hair air dry, and then I'll put it up into a bun later.