Brave

Chapter 22: Ethan's Secret

Ethan takes me completely by surprise when he says, "Sarah, I have something kind of important to tell you."

I look at him with wide eyes, not really knowing what to expect.

"Let's sit down," he tells me.

I join him on the couch, with apprehension clearly written across my face. "Should I be worried?"

"No," he chuckles. "I just think that it's time you know something about me. It's pretty significant. I hope you don't get mad that I kept this from you. I just wanted to wait for the right time, and I think this is it."

Fear sweeps in. What on earth is he talking about?

"Sarah," he whispers. "It's okay." He tenderly touches my face. "I know you're afraid of having to rely on someone else to take care of you. You don't want to be a burden to anyone, to me." I nod, appreciating that he is so astute and once again, feeling mystified that he can get inside my head like that. "But I promise you, angel, you won't be a burden to me."

My heart swells again when he calls me angel. But I feel like I have to tell him, "I still feel so...incomplete. So ugly. I can't imagine you or anyone else finding me attractive. I don't want you to think that I'm full of self-pity, but it's just something I'm trying to work through, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. But for what it's worth, Sarah, I don't think you're ugly. You lost your leg, big deal. What makes you beautiful is this," he says as he traces the shape of a heart over my chest and I shiver with the near-contact with my breast. "But this is also beautiful," he continues, running his hand gently over my cheek. "And this." Now he's touching my hair. He goes on, gently touching my shoulders, my arms, my hands.

His hand moves back to my face, my lips. "And these are gorgeous."

My whole body is shaking. I've never really wanted someone before, but suddenly I want Ethan in every sense of the word. I want him to kiss me again. I want him to envelope me with his strong arms. I want him to hold me so close that I can't feel any separation.

He knows. He waits just long enough to make me begin to lose my mind. Then he leans in with a fiery kiss, more urgent than the first time he kissed me, but still sweet.

He leans back a bit and says, "Now, this is what I wanted to tell you." He bends over to take off his boot and sock. I watch him as if he's slightly crazy. He carefully crosses his left leg over his right knee, the way he had when I first saw him wearing those ugly cowboy boots. I stare for a moment, trying to process what I'm looking at. Ethan is real flesh and blood until about the middle of his calf. After that, there is a liner much like the one attached to my thigh, only his is smaller, and then a flesh-colored prosthetic foot. I briefly wonder if I'm dreaming, trying to process the reality of my own missing limb but I slowly realize that what I'm seeing is very real.

I look at him with my mouth gaping in a what I'm sure is a very unattractive way. The furrow of my brows is enough to ask the question, but he doesn't answer. He gives me a few more minutes to let the information sink in. I'm really, really confused. Is this one of those bizarre dreams that will seem utterly ridiculous when I wake up?

"I had bone cancer when I was a kid," he finally tells me, breaking the silence.

"What?" I ask. "You've been keeping secrets from me." Then it dawns on me that I'd never seen him wearing shorts, even now, in the most scorching temperatures of the summer, so that's how I never noticed before.

"Would it have mattered to you?" He asks. "Does it matter now?"

I ponder for a moment. I knew I was falling in love with Ethan, but the reality of it crashes into me with a whole new realization. He knew what I was going through from the very beginning. He told me that he wanted to help me, to be there for me, but I didn't understand. I didn't realize that he could understand me, that he could say, "I know what you're going through", and it would be the absolute truth.